=) today.. e entire day was spent... attending the welcome session.
met a lot of old Raffles people.... walking around NUS.
yeah.. thinking of doing a restricted minor right now,
perhaps religious studies, or something arts related.
forsee myself, not in industries, but perhaps doing management work.

today. i shall tell myself, "i shall watch my tongue" more carefully.
when i'm having fun, perhaps i tend to let myself go a little bit more.
u can't have double standards in your life, and Tzu Qun reminded me of that when she told me she wasn't going to gamble/play mahjong, but yet she is one that will club and drink... so me too. i need to maintain the high standards that one must set for themselves when choosing to live the life.

on another note though, it was really fun. we still keep teasing each other, but perhaps that gets things going.. i have to admit, i'm a little insensitive though... i don't say very nice things all the time, and sometimes u realise how carried away you are by the moment. so wrong, so wrong... being in a non-christian group doesn't mean that i should forsake my values, principles. but instead, i should take more effort into establishing that identity. i guess i really do have to say sorry today.

perhaps as life throws itself at you, u should not just dodge it, or take it and play with it, but make something meaningful out of it. mould it and shape it into something good.
as my group studies revelations, the resurrection of the tribulation saints remind us of how we too should follow the example quoted. we must, in adversity stay strong. and we must, even when things are going great, stay true to the word.
i feel bad.. time has been passing too fast, and perhaps i haven't had enough time to look at myself and criticise myself. yet God always reminds me.

-take a falling star, and put it in your pocket, never let it go away-

when you see something bright in your life.. hold on to it?

no. share it with others =) take it for all the world to see.

i feel really touched.. thanks for making me feel wanted =)
i can't be happier at this moment, and i hope my happiness spreads to all of you.
being away from the cell for a while, yet coming back and feeling at home really says a lot. while perhaps as i get closer once again, i might feel a little stressed and struggle with issues, there's always something brighter to look forward to.
i hafta say sorry as well for taking the break without much prior warning. but i guess i really needed it, and at the end of the day, we all know God has it all worked out for us.
today... we studied revelations. 2 births, 1 death, 1 birth, 2 deaths. do you know what this refers to? such a meaningful phrase.
hmm =) being a cell leader isn't easy, and really, so many times i've felt like stepping down. especially today. but God has planned it out well, and when i get jaded, he always brings happiness and warmth into my life, just like today. when things seem to pile up, he always gives me a way out. and everything seems to fall into place, and what i have to do seems so much clearer.
we, of the lukewarm church... must always strive to be hot for God.
my fire has been fueled, by his mercy, grace and love for me. and for that i thank him, and for all the people he has used to encourage me.
its fulfilling to see growth in others, and know that you've played a part somehow, be it a little, a little more, or just a bit. =) its nice to know u've made a difference in his kingdom.

today was emerald's birthday on a yacht.. the food was great, the company wonderful, and the boat; magnifique. =) its nice to have something different and be away from everything... happy birthday emerald. thanks for all the prayers over the years, the encouragements. you are truly a wonderful servant of the Lord. yes...
though half of us got seasick or giddy or nauseous... =) we still thank God for many other things, that it did not rain... that we enjoyed ourselves. and really, that emerald had the experience she wanted to have, on her 21st.

i can't thank God enough for blessing my life so much now. i must just remind myself, never to forget him. if you know me, i'll tell you... God blesses, he rewards you, he takes cares of you. and i have no better testimony than that of my own life.

ruth-ann,yue-en, kumu, sarah, jj, ally, me at starbucks today. VCF Melchizedek 06.  

cherry season is back.

cherries...
those small sweet little things that you eat.
i really love cherries, its my favourite fruit.
wish i could share the love for it with everyone.

-yummy-

today, i went for a Big Walk thing.... down in town.
perhaps, it didn't feel as meaningful as it should have, though it was for the elderly. but it was fun... e small group of us, though small, still sticks.
people might be right, when they say some people move on too quickly, and ask themselves... why shouldn't i move on as well? i can't answer that.
and we walk on, and on...
i see the FCBC's congregation "resonating" together, their christian influence on the event is by no means small. and it moves you. can we last the distance together?
can all that we are, continue to resonate forever? controversial? i don't think so.
we don't ever need to judge, or criticise, because despite all our flaws, there is a little good in everybody... we sin but yet we have our hearts/God to guide us.
once again, people expect a lot out of me. and i wonder if i can ever fulfill those expectations... i'm torn in between personal success and in success for others. how can i be selfless if people keep reminding you of who you are? we walk, not for ourselves, but for everyone else. i'd rather be poor and give up a penny, than be rich and give up a dollar... to those whom much is given, much is expected.
we give up doing good in our life, for others to do good in their lives; this is true self sacrifice. this is really about the greater good.
we live in Him. =)
The walk does not need to feel meaningful, because it already is... in more ways than we can ever see or feel. in His plan, we in our imperfect understanding, and in our imperfect sight, can still know and believe in a meaningful journey.

met up with Melchizedek in the afternoon. Ally, JJ, Sarah, Kumu, Ruth-Ann and Yue-En. all special people, all unique, all different. we really do rock as well.

Perhaps, i'm just missing a little bit of something else.

=have to remind myself, there's always that little bit more of plan-etary magic=

finally! i've managed to dump that video into my blog...(its about 9 posts down, including photos, so scroll down) but well.. i personally think its worth the effort =) really. it gets touching towards the end.. and i think at the end of the 4 years, can really look back at the video... and remember how it once was... when we were all freshies, all new to NUS culture, and as blur as can be...
there's so much that the video encapsulates.. especially what we have between us.

okay. now for yesterday....
yesterday we went to JB. Because of that i totally missed the weekly dinner at Jiming's house, and i really hate myself for it. i really wish i went. and i hope as uni gets on its way, i won't have to give that up again because of studies or because of any other event...
But, in all honesty... JB was really fun as well... and yes, it marked another significant day in the Acqua calendar...
Going to KTV in Malaysia is great. their rooms are so much nicer, they have disco lights spinning around, 5 microphones, and a huge tv. Whats more, the room is nicely decorated with its own toilets and without any smokey smells.
haha... and i realised though my chinese (spoken chinese) isn't really good, i still follow the songs really well, even though i haven't heard quite a few of them before. yeah but well.. i think ZhiZhong. u're e best KTV singer i've heard in a while... yeah but in short; we had a lot of fun. yes, getting high when the chorus came, sitting in the cosy corners, taking pictures, jumping, dancing... it doesn't really get any better than that. the endless jokes, the endless chatter, the teasing, etc... i can't say much more. we're a great bunch.

yeah =) the group also invented the most crappy SDU game in Singapore at the moment too. i can't believe we did it.. its called "road to the world cup, goal 2010" and it beats other games like truth or dare, or the traffic light game for sure... we grow younger by the day don't we? i guess relationships become really real, and important in our lives right now... we can't really run away from that.

anyway... yeah we reached back quite late. went to eat seafood before we came back... which was cheap, and quite nice. yup =) but its quite a hassle to go all the way to JB just to sing ktv and eat seafood... but its group time, and thats more important.

Lastly.. i was thinking about it this morning, and throughout the day. the spirituality i feel from others really warms me up inside.. it really makes me smile... at times, i feel that without that common spirituality, things never seem totally right. things always seem to lack something. but once u feel that spirituality, u can't help but be drawn to it... it builds u/others up, it bonds people together, it breathes hope... =)
there's something that every relationship i have with a person lacks.....
but this spirituality you feel, really seems to fill up. it fulfills.

and you thank God for making you happy.
and you thank God for making you sad.
and you thank God for everything.

Zhizhong, Me, Jie Ren, Yong Chuan, Nick, Alvin and Fred.  

and tt rounds up CHESS camp. =)  

oh tts me in e centre!! Wee in front!  

water parade! Acqua parade!  

Getting to know you! Getting to know, all about you! Me, Yong Chuan, Fred and Alvin 

Acqua Group... We will Win e War! 

Acqua! Dui Mian De Nu Hai Kan Guo Lai Music Video!  

more photos of Acqua coming soon =) !

today.. went to JB! wad loads of fun.
do i feel blessed...=)
i really love the group.... really really love the group.
update tmr!

Acqua

yeah! i got into GAW committee.. as what i wanted to be as well! =)
really happy... that ya.. i'm involved in the planning and execution of another comm service proj.
sigh today was great fun, but my thumb kinda hurts because i accidentally jammed it on the volleyball. and my team lost captain's ball 5-4 or something like that.
well... but i think the guys really had a wonderful time chatting as usual.
really like the bunch of guys thats going engineering with me....
Acqua is a great group.. and am i glad to be part of them.

today. christian topics littered itself all over my conversations. and i think the christian influence in the group is really starting to show. but besides that, well.. i'm glad to talk about christian stuff throughout the day and help everyone learn more about it. its true that faith can be so strong.... and so empowering.

how can u listen to God's voice? u just have to believe.

i have to remind myself always....
that the sunrise and the sunset comes everyday...
and there's always time to enjoy it.

"Songs will fade to silence, Stories will cease,
The dust will settle covering these selfless deeds.
But Your life here has made it clear enough for me to see
That if I do not love, I am nothing"

i'm like a tree.

when the wind blows, i will sway with it.
if the rain comes, i'll brave through it..
and enjoy the rewards of the battle afterwards
if the sun comes, i'll enjoy the rays of warmth
if lightning strikes, it is an act of God, and i might pass away.
i'll flower, i'll fruit, and i'll plant seeds
all throughout my life.

=as you live your life with honesty and with care, what have you got to hide? your heart is pure, and your mind is clear, and so you can live your life with freedom. without worry, without secrets. and as innocently as the dove, you know u aren't wrong.=

in return.

i might be happier elsewhere...
as i look across the seas, up into the skies!
haha maybe this land is not for me
despite all the flowers, the beautiful birds, the wonderfully lit sky.....
it might look like the garden of eden, as magnificent as it can be....
but if its not for me.... then.. i can't stay inside.
i can't occupy the land of another man.
i can grow my own rice and wheat and call it mine.
maybe the grass is greener on the other side,
perhaps there might be flowers of my colour over there
perhaps the birds there chirp my tune.
or maybe my name gets whistled in the trees

i'll just wait.. it really doesn't hurt to wait. and really.. i musn't regret a single thing
because =) everything comes from God and so.. i must be thankful for whatever i have.

and give as much as i can in return.. to Him, to His purpose.

=in return for happiness, i return nothing less than happiness=

haha wow schedule for this week....
CSC chalet... by group 4. with bbq included today
Marina Bay, Acqua outing
Johor Outing
Sentosa, Group 2 outing
Melchi Outing
Touch Walk
Emmy's Birthday

heh.... i can't live with so much activities.
its 1. taxing 2. overwhelming 3. expensive
especially to Johor and Sentosa...

well like they always say "go with the flow"
then again... i'm not a fish.
neither am i a drop of water.

its time to pray.. not just for me, but for everyone.

i think today.
i woke up thanking God for my friends in church!
always always always so supportive of me...

now who says you can't have it all?

and sunset on a yacht... -faints- can't get better than tt. thanks for the birthday invitation!

some of the JSS kids!  

"paying it forward"

hmmm time passes by again...things change
and when i try to return to something i've left after a while...
its not easy. have to slowly ease myself back into place.
today i met all my ex-friends that went to US to study... wow....
after not seeing each other for so long.. really appreciated the time that i had just talking to them. really miss them... in so many ways... i guess while we have our differences in many ways, we still have something tt holds us together. people that bring a smile to your face
ShinEik, Shu-En, Yanling, Michele.... wow! its been so long.
all our memories we had together! from primary school, secondary school and jc.

1st thing my guy friend asked me was.. "don't you think the younger girls are more WOW?"
heh... at this age... whats pretty girls to you? u see so many they don't make a difference
i was telling him... (about this good friend that joined Ms Singapore Universe 2 yrs back)
"look.. u can't even get a minute of her time because of all the guys around her"
really.. what can i say? anyway i don't think he understood my point.
golly! whats with looks these days?
like my old friends, we have long gotton past the looks phase. it doens't matter to us anymore.
and you see all the guys flock around my friend like she's a diamond up for grabs. yes.. she's really pretty, i know. but its not like you must get to know a person cos she's pretty.
or.. handsome/shuai for that matter. -its not just aimed at guys-

so that brings us to a close of our superficial world... volume 1 episode 1.
there's not going to be an episode 2.

anyway... yes.. i was happily at the University of Wisconsin booth supporting my brother's uni. i know a few people from his uni and it was fun with them! yupp... and if i went to the US to study, i would most likely go there. i love the trees, the grass, the lakes and all its surroundings.
but back to reality, and i'm staying here in Singapore.

on another note.. my church is conducting its 40 days of purpose. a "purpose driven life" course. heh.. it totally clashes with alpha. SIGH. i don't really know what to say. well support. Was talking to my Dad (an elder of my church) about it. Really. I have learnt, just like him, to see the cycles that repeat themselves in every community.. and well this is just another cycle starting all over again. skepticism? maybe.. but... rem e .. "social cycle theory". its just like that. Anyway, i will still actively support them, and prepare my heart, my mind, and my soul for this course.
=) i pray and hope that it will be effective and powerful. "all hearts resonating as one"

meanwhile... i guess really. i'm not feeling that great. but yet i have a smile hidden deep inside me. God always provides a little cheer to his children, a little hope, a little spark inside them...

that spark comes from the love, from the smile that appears across the face of another.
you take it, and you pass it on... thats "paying it forward"

as we worship you
let all the world come and see
how the mercy we've received from you
can set them free
as we worship you
let all the joy that fills our hearts
bring a hunger and a hope to those
who've strayed so far

should i go to phuket?

-the tremors start to rumble beneath the sea, as the waves rise up and crash against the shore-

oops.. i just took a risky decision
but whatever happens.. by faith it'll be alright =)

hmm.. dreamers don't really survive well in this world at all.
people always tell u to do the practical thing.
but how to?
don't dreams come true?
shouldn't we believe that miracles do happen?

*wrinkles nose*
its tough. its a struggle.
dreamers are always vulnerable, until the day their dream does come true.

settlers cafe w/ half of amun-ra.

starlight express

sitting down just wondering...
that's what i'm mostly doing today....
once again its things around me that brings smiles
nature... people....
the day is clear, the sky mottled with white clouds, the sun a bright and warm, the water in the swimming pool crystal, the little rugby boys training hard, running, panting, sweating. there's so much happening around me.. the entire world... such an innocent and pure world out there..
its easier to see things from above, and u see how God feels.
looking at his creations, looking at his hands, he can feel pleased with himself.

"where do you go when you're lonely, where do you go when you're blue"

hmm... i can go anywhere, really..
e world is so vast........ the universe so limitless
and the stars so many........

"Starlight express, u must confess, are u real, yes or no.
Starlight express, answer me yes, i don't want you to go
I want u to take me away but bring me before daylight, and in the time between
Take me to everywhere, but don't abandon me there, just want to see i've been
I believe in you completely"

why do the stars seem so bright all the time?
because they're located nearer heaven....

"What the world needs now is love sweet love,
it's the only thing that theres just too little of,
what the world needs now is love sweet love,
no not just for some but for everyone"

hmm... i shall quote from my friend's blog.... meaningful stuff!

love is when someone snaps at you but you know that she does not mean it, so you restrain from snapping back.
love is approaching that guy no one wants to talk to because he only talks about weird stuffs. love is when that girl is such a capable all-rounder and you choose to appreciate her for being just that, although you know that there are faults you want to point out in her(out of envy).
love is being sensitive to know your friend might feel inferior if you talk about certain things, so you change the conversation topic.
love is mixing with the uncool group of people, even if it means the normal group will label you an outcast.
love is listening to that person even when you feel he/she has no right to order you around.
love is doing something to make another's life a little more enjoyable, even when you don't feel like doing it.
love is not pulling a face of moodiness/discontentment in front of others because you know that it is going to affect their dispositions too.
love is remembering that he may be wrong because of one mistake he made, but doesn't mean you are going to penalise him by avoiding him in all other matters or in another situation/circumstance.
love is trying your best to do the right thing even when you don't feel up to it, but you do it anyway because it will help make the world a little brighter and easier for someone else.

WOW right. i think u get inspired when people u know think this way.
-respect, respect-

i have to say... there's the sunshine after the rain!

i feel like a pot of gold.

...
thats all i gotta say.

Social Cycle Theory argues that events and stages of society and history are repeating themselves in cycles and thus there cannot be any social progress.
it's true!

GAW

i really do hope i get into GAW.
grant-a-wish represents so much hope for everyone.
it also reminds every single person of the blessings that we have...
=)

anyway, busy busy week coming up... just before school starts, everyone wants to meet up.
then there is all sorts of events coming up.... all the orientation stuff, and national day, and reunions, and more reunions... but in a way ,"busy is fun"

going to visit poh today.. poor guy.. still can't really walk...

don't stay so deep in thought. what are you thinking bout?!

CHESS

86 new emails.
ya i'm back! =) haha flooded inbox, had tonnes of fun and exhausted as usual....
quite a few things happened lately.
one would be how ther and her driving test.. hmm.. yeah oh well...
but.. well i've been at engineering camp.. well CHESS camp. for chem and environmental engineers... the camp was tonnes of fun, the guys in my group were great and well bonded... i met a christian who "chiongs" but well... she has this special thing about her even though she clubs. yup... really looking forward to the next few years with them. its been a great 4 days. people like jieren and zhizhong really are great friends i look forward to making over the next few years. well.... but as every camp has its positives. it definitely has its negatives as well...
its all about looks really. well... ya... all the guys just line up to talk to the prettiest girls in each group... its kinda sad. and like the most popular people are the most good looking people.. reminds u of jc. like what happened to personality!! well.. just a farce, what people all say.
but yes. thanks to everyone at CHESS because it was a great experience.
yup. anyway after CHESS i went to Settlers to join my CSC OG... and sometimes, well too much social activity takes its toll on you. well it did for me, thats for sure. feeling really drained... all the conversation spark plugs i had to pull out of my pocket.
guess i'm just really tired now.
i'm just thinking if there's more to look forward ahead in NUS, or less.. i really wonder.
things are always changing... and it'd be nice if everything kept progressing at a nice steady upward rate... and i do mean everything.
and oh YES! my group ACQUA won 1st in the entire camp1 -cheers!!- yes yes, we really spent a lot of effort and we're really proud of what we've accomplished =)
3 cheers for Acqua!

*matt looks on optimistically*

i love to teach the world to sing
in perfect harmony
with honey bees and cherry trees
and snow white's happy ending...

i'm tired and i need some sleep.
if your destiny doesn't come true, because of our own mistakes, what happens then? is there no turning back? we can't be too harsh about our choices can we? do things change in a day?


i think things needs a lot of time at the moment and i guess only time will tell how things turn out. it really got me wondering... about everything, things seem a little uncertain.

"en pointe"

Dancing en pointe is the action of rising to 'tips of the toes' while performing steps from ballet technique. Also known as pointe work, it is performed using hard toed pointe shoes. Dancing en pointe requires considerable strength and skill and is central part of a ballerina's training and repertory. Although this is one of the most graceful forms of dance, it can also be very painful and cause damage to the feet.

haha.. i have to really appreciate u dancers after reading this. dun hurt ur feet too much yeah... take care

church of God.

its sunday! =) sunday always cheers me up..
a day of refreshing...

today.. an elder of my church came forth to various ministries in the church to convey to us the plans the elders board has for the next 3 months.. and it was really heartwarming to see that they have taken so much time to formulate such a well detailed plan to bring 1. the church together and bond them even more strongly 2. more faces into the church. To be its Operation Mobilisation of Evangelistic People. Well, everyone has to play a part. its nice to see unity spread through the church, as he used the phrase "resonate" with one another.
i might be a little skeptical though, having gone through tough periods with my youth ministry, struggling to keep enthusiasm levels, struggling to get participation from its members, or just struggling to lead bible study or just encouraging people to talk and share about themselves or their lives... struggling with people's opinions, struggling with disunity and disagreements. and as we enter this new phase... perhaps my fire is burning a little too low on fuel, its flickering...
i'm jaded, and i need time out to recover from the burnout. perhaps this plan is not the plan for me... perhaps when i am needed once again, God will call me into action... but this is a little too soon. the heart is wreary.. even though the soul is willing. i therefore would like to call forth my fellow brothers and sisters of bfec to really, heed the call and go forth and lead... take charge, and feel convicted to lead our church on to the next stage of its growth. i'm passing the baton to all of you... take it, and continue the race. when i am ready.. when God calls me for his purpose among the youths again, i'll be back... for now... i have a ministry in the form of JSS... where i must place all effort and spirit into grooming, teaching, nurturing these young spirits... these little hearts that call out to God... =)
we loved because he first loved us. God uses us in many different ways, lets all be his tools he uses to make his great plan complete.

=) i'm all smiles now... well... that we're always one step closer to achieving his purpose for us.
even though, perhaps in my life right now.. things i might so look forward to might evade me, or well.. wishes and dreams have yet to come true... i can take heart from the fact that it is all according to plan. one day... true happiness and true love will find me, and i will never reject them.

= we must prepare ourselves to receive the ark =

-when God says something. I'd better listen-

sometimes i'm deaf.

poh! u're lying in bed all alone...
surgery is terrible... it hurts, it tires you out... what else do you want besides care, concern and company...?

it really reminds me of my own 3 years back...
the scars still remain.. it took a long time to return to what i once was.

today i asked myself a question.......
and my answer was.. "because it feels right"

is that the best answer i have? that it feels right, it feels that its meant to be right
it feels that God meant it to be. it feels special.
and u don't have to think too much anymore.... because the answer isn't out there, its within me. only I would know, isn't it?
God doesn't place a conviciton meant for me in another, he doesn't tell me what would be right for another person, but he would definitely tell me when its right for me.
i do have reason to be happy. and i do have reason to be without worry...

even as i linger on... not doing much at home... and perhaps my mind wanders off into thought.
i can calm myself down just knowing that... its all in his plan.
i am the limiting factor..... of how well his plan goes.

think less, feel more. believe the most. =)
never ever trust your own thinking. trust God instead.

=i need to feel the faith burning from my fingers=

you're special!

people always have differing characters and personalities...
hmm ive been meeting many different people lately... and the one thing that strikes me about each and everyone of them, is how they're all different.
there is the guy that has such great confidence, he is unwaivering in everything he does
there is the guy who has so low self esteem, that perhaps you look at him and you pity him
then again there is the girl who is so sweet, that you can't help but listen to her...
and there is the girl that is so aloof, that one look could make u run a thousand miles
there is a guy who's so nice, you would become so emotionally attached to him,
yet there is a guy who is so funny, you can't help but laugh at him.
there might be a girl who is so serious that u might only talk about life
or u might have a girl that is so caught in her own world of bags and shoes, that u can't talk about anything else... so what to make of all these people....?

just pass them by, as they mean so little?
because after all.... they're just ordinary people..... just like i am.

We're just ordinary people
We don't know which way to go
Cuz we're ordinary people
Maybe we should take it slow

and we should always be patient.. and wait, and "take it slow", and perhaps...
just perhaps.. something special might take root and grow.

It's a full moon
Bright as can be
Enough for the whole world to see
And the wind's danced with clouds
And the stars shining so nakedly

I said you're something
You're special...

O Praise God!
Because... He makes everything wonderful!

I can see clearly now, the rain is gone,
I can see all obstacles in my way
Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind
It’s gonna be a bright (bright), bright (bright)
Sun-Shiny day.

See.. thats exactly what happened to me... God always has his ways of cheering me up =)

don't you feel sometimes, that i live in too much of a dream, failing to see when reality sets in?!

=) haha.... we hope, we dream... yet we live.

sunset

urmm.. hmm... today was a terrifically normal day... that i so wished more special things happened, or perhaps that i made something special happen at the very least. haha.. i expected too much! i think i was too eager for things to be special that i forgot to let things just be.... shucks x 01 ! sometimes .. i, like everyone else, lose sight of what u're meant to focus on instead! there's so many other things that are so much more important! well.. anyway i guess everyday cannot be special, if not whence comes the meaning of the word itself.
=) so thus i'm still happy... i just thank God that things went well all the same.
i'm kinda thinking to myself now if i might be letting feelings cloud my better judgement.. sometimes these feelings overwhelm u and blur the truth from your eyes... they distract you and keep you from the right path... i must, and i will return back to the faithful ways i have decided to follow ever since i took up the cross.. and i must believe in my faith, and in the faith in god's plan for me... hmm.. and pirates was good.. just that it continues on to the next movie! shucks x 02.
you know... i'd love to follow my feelings, my intuition, that inner voice... but might it be too overwhelming? tell me, someone... please do tell me.

and well... i wish people were more free, or i were at least more busy. sometimes u feel an emptiness when people have stuff to do while you don't... or when schedules dun match... i just wish that everything will be perfect =)! haha but we are imperfect in ourselves. and yet God has his ways of making everything fit.. like a jigsaw puzzle... u know.. we can always look on the bright side because of our special plans.

BUT at the end of the day...its all always about the company, and today's company was still the best

"lets watch the sunset together"
-really looking forward to the next few to come-

"unwritten" plays in the background...

this is the moment where the world kicks in. and you wonder whether to pull into reverse gear or hit the accelerator....

"onward christian soldier! go forth with faith"
and.. thats the answer.

"Vrooommmmmmm" as you floor the accelerator.....

u must obey the laws of society... and thus u release it a little... in mind of the speed cameras around the bend.

true love does exist.

KTV

ktv is so not my forte. haha i don't know like 80% of the chinese songs, and well.. though my chinese isn't tt good. still i managed to sing through a few songs, and some english ones.
it was quite fun, except the price.. must try to do cheaper things sometimes.... sometimes i feel too "english" around my group! they all speak chinese, even those that speak english are pressured to be more chinese. we all have to adapt in some way or the other....
well its been a long day, with me wondering what to do in the afternoon... and the night being long and draggy.... 4 hours is a bit long, just for singing. but well.. company was good.
haha =)

once again, i'm really looking forward to tomorrow...

movies movies.. especially good foreign ones... "love me if you dare", "les choristes", "he loves me, he loves me not", "the sea inside" and "city of God." Please do borrow them from me, if u're interested =)

i'm feeling a bit distracted from everything right now... my head still a little high from the smoke in those ktv rooms.. i shall think twice before another ktv session.

everyday... every minute.. i have to remind myself if its meant to be, its meant to be.. and thats how wonderful God's plan is....

as a child of God... we will always have our doubts about things, but even God gives us room for these doubts, he forgives us for these doubts, and we still utimately achieve what he has set out for us.

I imagine a dream fulfilled.

of happiness, of joy, of love and hope

yours, mine, ours.

what dreams may come.

and movies titles can be so meaningful =)

today.. its KTV at night with my Community Service Club group. who knows what happens tomorrow?
u've seen me in my ups and downs, all through this blog... definitely it holds memories, it holds power, and it holds magic within... as it grows, as it builds, it snowballs into even more, with each single entry. what can i say about this imaginary friend i write to each day.. thank you for being here always? u are just a blog... yet you have purpose. and you come from God.

"God, why did you create fleas? " she asked
"Do you realise how many people are employed in the flea collar industry?" he replied.

collections..

another wonderful day to add to the collection...

today ... went to tim's house... yup yup.. bbq... and it had great ribs (marinated by his dad),
chicken and sausages, plus salad and fruits.. it's pretty simple but... wow.. its enough...
yup enjoyed myself...! basically cos of the food... yum.. home cooked bbq, right in the garden... what gets better than tt.. it was a really small party though, about 7-8 people only. but thats enough...

there'll always be a next bbq, thats for sure though.

now tomorrow better be as good as today, if not.. i'll be so disappointed!

planetary magic

a little answer i owe someone, i just remembered i forgot to explain..

plan-etary magic (abstract noun.);
refers to how God created the universe and everything in it, for his special and glorious plan, and that special plan that he has set out for each of us; and how it is so wonderfully miraculous that it becomes magical.... (it cannot be explained)

perhaps.. perhaps.... =) refers to the unknown...

we can't see all, neither will we ever know all, we just live out the plan he has for us.
-the voice of a dreamer-

"now when it comes, it'll hit you like you never saw it coming"

cloudss.

it was a night of clouds, not of stars... not of the moon...
but yet we saw a little bit of heaven...

so much has happened, ever since i took the first step into NUS and all its activities.
the fun that overwhelmed me during the first FOC camp i went for... CSC Camp.
The friends i've made then, the things i've done since then; all really meaningful.
things have changed since then, perhaps i've drifted from many, my outlook has changed.
all the fun has perhaps simmered... and things start settling into another phase...
and i went to VCF camp, and i see spiritual renewal in many, i see life unfolding itself,
i see how blessings come in many shapes and sizes. and i meet new people, make new friends, have lots of fun, and perhaps... u see again how things have changed since then.
but thats another story for another day.

if i must say something about today... (or yesterday because its 12:17am now)
i have to say... thank you God.
i couldn't have loved every single minute of it more.

-night becomes day, and day becomes night-

tuition tomorrow... busy day =(

so much to look forward to...

memories of a mysterious journey..

-turn left, turn right-

stop. walk straight. watch out for the pillar. okay, now up the stairs...
okay step left a little bit, turn to your right, stoop down and crawl..
now get up, continue walking straight....

u're there... u're almost there...

guess i have things to sort out after all... can't keep running away from stuff sometimes.

someone hit a soft spot... and i started pouring out things that i might have kept to myself.
hmm.. i dun blame that person, really. gd intentions. all i can say is... i live my life differently from yours.... (not that person but this is addressed to everyone else) .. but i'll just say that i try to live it in the name of God and God's Word... i might be imperfect, yes and make mistakes. but... i believe in the purest of a pure heart.

=) smile at the sunrise, and smile at the sunset... another day has come and gone by.

thank you.

stars shining bright above you

and God has identified you to be special....

CAN project 2006....
Can-Collect... =) it was really fun, i had great company....
group 2 came back, without more than 80% of the freshies. but... well... the rest more than made up for it. i went up and down, up and down.... asking for canned food, for dried foods, and got a whole bunch of other things.. e.g. chocolates, chips, coke.
yvonne is great to go with, she looks so sweet... that i think the residents just melts when she knocks on the door.. well she is, and despite her being a girl, she still carries as much as i did...
cheers to u! i kinda enjoyed the time talking to her also.. although u just love to poke fun at her, or like make her smile, or make her pout! i was saying.. how i hope she finds the right guy... someone that'll really take care of her... she deserves it.
the rest of the group, well... haha had fun, singing, talking... well.. heh the girls in the group are really nice, good-hearted people. i was telling my sis how people in CSC are generally kinder, nicer people, good hearted people... as compared to VCF. but VCF are christians.. and so they have something else about them, u don't get in CSC. hmm... and once again. we all pondered over the notion that nice people should marry nice people... for the world to become a better place.
CAn was really meaningful, and wasn't that tiring.. thank God. yes.. u really know you're doing a good deed. especially when ur effort is used for the needy... we must all help others and love others.

i kinda feel happy... somehow... God seemed to point out to me... something... very cool.

i'm really looking forward to Tuesday!! yeah.. really... i wish it were here sooner.

=pass go and collect $200=

and god whispered in my ear...

and it flooded my mind... my heart... my soul.....

starville

e new house really is nice.. its a condo... and its pretty high tech. its so nice and white... and well it has internet! and it has scv... plus well my sis switches on the air-con most of the time, so its really nice and cool...
yup today.. i didn't do much... went for tuition, went to help my sis with her car (someone banged her, Drunk Driving).. and we went for lunch, i talked to her about my new experiences in uni... and she shared with me what she thinks, which is definitely good advice for me. right now i'm on her Sony Vaio Laptop which really is nice.
things were perhaps not so nice a few years back, but as we grow older... we really learn to live with each other and love each other for who we are. by all means, we're really not un-nice/mean people... we might show the worst to each other, but well... haha... its not that bad either. and we still show the worst to each other, but we realised we're both pretty nice people and we're grateful for that....
anyway =) well.....
i'm kinda thankful for a lot of things right now.. how things have changed and things have moved on... having people around really cheers me up... in army, this was definitely not the case. but i didn't realise it, i didn't realise that perhaps some of the sad moments, the touchy, moody moments i had in the last 2 years would have boiled down to that... but i know i can't get carried away now, just because i'm feeling happy with all the people around.... like someone told my sis i was like a golden retriever (friendly) at VCF camp... and i was quite surprised because i didn't think i was, but that was the impression i gave someone nonetheless... and i guess looking back, i can see the big differences between army and out of army and going to nus. i feel i'll still retain both sides of myself. but yet.. i can only grow stronger from all this, and use the experiences and the skills gained from it, for God's great plan for my life.. after all... like i always say... till it is becoming a little cliche i have to add... planetary magic...

we always must spare a thought for the child that feels lonely, the broken heart that needs mending, and for the people that feel lost... after all, thats why he came...

and we must always be thankful for that. =)

VCF Camp

VCF Camp...(Varsity Christian Fellowship) it started off terrible...
but it ended off with a bang =)
from Pinehas w/ manga eyes and claire john to Melchizedek with Superman and Lois Lame
i felt like a total jerk when i left my old group... but yet i don't know what convicted me to do it.... i guess i could keep telling myself how i left it when its down without even lifting a finger to try to change things...something i didn't share... cos it missed my turn but i'll share it here.
i see myself as someone that perhaps gives up too easily when i believe that people have made a choice... and in this incident, i gave up on my group, just thinking how i wouldn't enjoy myself there, thinking how people all amde the choice not to welcome me into the group... or into VCF for that matter.
but i joined Melchizedek.. and everything opened up from there. perhaps... God was letting me into a meaningful experience... he was showing me the potential of what it could be.. and am i glad. Kumuthan (the funny indian bean... the one that urmmm.. haha.. Chindians?), Yue-An (Superman! Chinaman! Chopsticksman! ), Gil , Ruth-Ann, JJ, Sarah, Jonathon, Fang Yu(i not sure if this is correct cos i have trouble remembering her name) and last but not least, Alicia and Priscilla (Zero Value and Kopitiam Standard). just kidding =) Each of them have made a huge impression on me.. each standing out in their own ways.
We had a fun time burying Paul in the sand.
We had a fun time acting out Superman!
We had a fun time just chatting at nights, chatting at mealtimes, chatting all the time.
we had a fun time sharing all our different experiences... our convictions, our spirituality.
i have to say i miss them already. i miss my CSC camp people so much too..
but what i really have to say is thank you Melchizedek. for the tonnes of fun. for the welcoming nature of all of u, for showing me joy, happiness, and company...
"in camps, its always about the company" its not about e games nor anything else...
this camp had God though, and that was a very special ingredient added into the mix. i saw JJ grow from day 1 to day 4... and it warmed my heart. God. thank you. Thank you for showing me the way today. Thank you for making a difference not only for me, but in people around me as well.. for that i once again owe u everything.

i have many thoughts, and many feelings to express... i could say, how i'm impressed with Kumu for his ability to bond people, to bring laughter and joy so readily, i could say i'm impressed at Yue-En's willingness to play his part, and to be so "hot" in everything he does, i could say i'm touched by the niceness of people, the friendliness, the readiness to share with others their own lives, or even their humility. but i shan't.. cos... really.. i won't be able to express all that i think and feel. all i can say is that thank you for letting me be a part of Melchizedek, u've made a differnece in my life, and i shall hold on to all the memories and all our bonds we've forged as strongly and tightly as i can; never forgetting all the sisters and brothers i have in Christ.

Faith, Hope and Love. But the Greatest of these is love.

Faith in God, that we know we can be sure of what we believe in
Hope in God, that we know our plan is made ready for us
Love in God, Perfect Love.. that is what keeps us from perfection. our inability to express that one... Agape Love wholeheartedly.

God brought u into my life for a reason, and i into urs for a reason... lets fulfill his plan for us.

People!

here are some comments about people

1. from me. everyone is too complicated.. i never really know what someone is thinking, and even when i try to decipher and understand things, i'm never able to. i always wonder why something happened this way, or that way, i just can't fully understand. they say... things happen for a reason... yet somehow i feel i wish i knew the reason... i really don,t i really don't have any idea.

2. from a friend. i saw from the camp how people stick to themselves. so protected. how they seem to look at people and judge too quickly. that they shun u, just because u're unlike them spiritually... or even socially... how can we be like that?

i ask myself the same questions all the time...
when can we understand.... when can we understand?
when the blue moon appears in the night sky..?
u know... u wish, u wish... that perhaps, perhaps.. things might be wonderful, things might be simple... things might be perfect...

-singing the blues-

the bbq plus chalet was fun... though i kinda missed everyone when they left...
denise's birthday celebration was fun too... i think denise really rocks... i'm really proud that she's my KC. really feel that she understands a lot... and knows how to relate to people.. i'm so glad i'm getting to know her nd yun cai better...
somtimes, i really feel i'm drifting from everyone, or that there's no advancement in friendships or relationships... and it really bites... like coming to a stop, or even having to do a U-turn...
w/ group 2 perhaps i feel a little that way... hmmm... i really think i have yet to connect with so many people on a deeper level.. sometimes i wonder could it be because of the way i do things. that perhaps i want to be close, yet i keep my distance because i'm afraid of getting hurt.
i really aren't very sure. but either way.. its justl a thought =) and i'm really looking forward to meeting again soon... like how we did last night, watching the stars, feeling the breeze, taking in the waves.... and drawing on the sand... and singing in the night sky...

yet to say, i realise how much i miss this blog as a refuge for all my thoughts.. i think a lot, yet i say perhaps less than 10% of all of it... i miss the dustbin for all my frustrations, for all my sorrows, and even as a tool to tell all the world of how happy i am sometimes. i grow attached.. and i already am... so attached.

VCF camp started BADly. really really badly. my group was terrible.. the girls stuck to themselves (that was expected), there was one guy and he only said one word, and he looked more into his own world than anything else. and the councillors (ogls and such) all were too concerned talking to the girls, or talking amongst each other....and i just sighed and so wanted to leave......
but... in the end i joined Sarah and JJ's group.. and i really starting to experience how much more fun it is, how much more friendly it can be.. how united we can all be... i'm so happy i decided to change group... i know its mean... Kumu (my new group leader) told me i could leave if i really wanted to... and i'm really thankful to God that he showed me a way out, a way to continue making the most out of the camp, to have a meaningful experience all the same.
And perhaps... its also because of how i brought JJ to the camp, that i had to stay on and bring him through it... that perhaps through all this, he might learn and grow so much more, and he is.. and i am so happy, for him... its been a roller-coaster of up and down feelings.

keep me there, don't let me go, and i'll hold u close.

yay the paint a home 06 mural we DID! =)  

i woke up today with a little sourish taste in my mouth..
immediately, i picked up an orange to savour the sweetness that flows through its fibres.
but yet.. i still question what do i really want..?
sour/sweet? or even salty....
i've become over-dependent on what comes by, rather than what i want.
for example. i wonder if i want italy to win, or portugal to win.

somehow as i look at everyone around me more closely... i see cracks in their masks,
i see whats beneath, i see the awkwardness in some, and i see the plain joy in others...
i really don't know what to do, how to help some of you, and wish that many of you had a bigger heart... i can't deny i'm not perfect either... but neither can i deny that u all are perfect. its nice to see chinks in that armour of yours. its nice to see that little hole in between where i can look inside you. can u see the little holes in my armour? just don't stab it, just don't let the blood clot it up. cos it hurts.... i'm perhaps one that believes in perfection in hearts of mankind, believing that everyone in the world is good.... that at least they would do good, that they would think of others, that they would be concerned.... but are they? are my dreams going to be shattered? are they going to crumble into many pieces and fall hopelessly to the ground. i don't want to be practical, i want to be an idealist... a dreamer... i want to believe i can live my dream.. will you live it with me now?
you, and you and you... people that all mean so much to me, people that i've met or people that i've known.... will you continue to give me hope, will you continue to be part of my dream, will you share my vision, share my life... will you be part of this team that pieces together the little bits of this broken dream..? we fell, we succumbed, but yet we are forgived. now we make up for it.
love. free love.

happy things today...
1. found someone that understands me
2. made betteer friends with quiet people in the group
3. paint a home seemed really meaningful
4. made new friends with other CSC people i never met before. e.g. Mabel, Yufeng, Joy, etc.
5. learning that people still care
6. looking at living simply... and dreaming of it.

sad things today....
1. drifting from people
2. tired from holding up paintbrush
3. paint all over myself
4. felt useless cos i was so tired and kept using eye-power
5. could have improved on my JSS teaching today (discipline!)
6. missed birthday party

Paint a home (Day 2) was fun too!
well though i had much less to do on the 2nd day than on the 1st...
but... well =) the end product was really beautiful... really pretty. really cutesy with all the hearts and the little butterflies and animals.
yup.. i really enjoyed the company a lot.. met a few new people.
Yufeng! who disappeared to go to the pasar malam, Bryan... with all his magic tricks, and Joy! who stole my tigger, and tried to keep it in her bag till the last minute... well yeah i'm so sad that so many of Amun-Ra weren't there... and i'm so sorry that i had to leave on saturday and couldn't join you all for dinner. question ... are we breaking apart? i'm feeling the drift a little bit.. especially between the freshies and e councillors... can't we break that barrier? maybe i'm just sensitive.. maybe i'm just feeling it.. well... i always wish that every friend, every person that we meet and we bond with, we hold on for dear life to the end of our very existence... but people will always ask if that is possible.. but we can dream, can't we?
i missed Xinyi's birthday party for the dinner too, and perhaps i have to ask myself am i being hypocritical here, leaving behind my other friends to move on... like many have done when they went on to university. perhaps i've lost a little bit of compassion here.. its impossible to be that magnaminous all the time, is it? sometimes u don't want to hold on to a piece of bread thats so stale that itss crumbling into crumbs.... u can't piece it back together.... we just leave it for the birds...
anyway James is officially the scandal king. haha just that now the scandals are so absurd they become jokes.... its kinda funny. ohh Amun-Ra... haha.. but u really wonder though, how deep these scandalising can bond us together... we laugh together... but is that enough? =) we all miss Amun-Ra... we all miss it alot... can we relive the days of ethelonther? can we continue to hold on..?
e next few days are going to busy as i attend VCF camp. i really wonder what kind of camp it'll be like... i wonder if perhaps it might replace CSC camp as the best uni camp i've been too. or will be in... i really wonder... who can see the future?

today i told my kids... i said...
"experiences change you as you grow, they define the principles, the values, the doctrines you live by, they determine how strong your faith is, and just remember that no matter what experience u may encounter, just go to God.. and he'll bring you through it, never look at whats directly ahead of you, but what we have in store for us at the end..."

life is not short... but our destiny lasts forever.

Paint a Home 2006 was great!!!
i have one regret though, that i had to go watch Superman Returns... which wasn't nice at all
i wasted money ( i kinda fell asleep, somwhere through the show)
ya and i missed dinner with the group... =) really happy with these people.. we have fun. we enjoy teasing one another... we enjoy each other's company, and everyone makes and effort to meet up... so i'm really looking forward to the chalet next week.
well painting was really tiring. besides being covered in paint, and well... feeling so faint after painting every single corner of the room. u really enjoy the company! i'm really impressed how there are so many people willing to do community service projects in uni... u don't have this much participation in secondary school or in JC... perhaps people's hearts grow bigger...

honestly. i felt bad over something i said yesterday just because i was a little bit of a touchy mood...
and i make all the complaints over the smallest things that bug me.... and well... i guess i can be not very nice sometimes.. or seem that way though i probably don't mean it... sometimes i jsut want everything to go my way, and when it doens't... i just kinda get affected by it, not exactly in bad way.. but it just might make me a teeny weeny little bit sad... a little bit sensitive, a little bit touchy.. i'm not perfect.. really. and this is just one of the flaws that might pop up once in a while.

i'm looking forward to VCF camp now though. and i'm not sure why.
looking forward to CAn Project.. and even Grant A Wish.. there are a lot of bright happy things tt might happen in the near future. and i hope they do =)
sometimes, u do have to take a gamble, and hope things work out.. for that.. u need faith. definitely =) ... lots of it... then perhaps the gamble will seem no more of a risk.

on a seperate note.. i'm finding it really hard to keep up with everything tts.. happening
everything thats going on... and sometimes i wish... that i might be a bigger part of your life that what i already am...but only time will tell.