an excerpt from a friend
" shall follow my footsteps closely,
And hope that it will bring me to the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.
Time is something i cannot afford,
something i do not have on hand.
If i don't do it now,
I couldn't do it anytime else.
But do i have to do it?
I could take the leap,
Like how i did to be here a thousand miles away from my parents.
This leap of faith,
Shall be my compass,
That will guide me to what i'm looking for."

Well Said. =)

i ask everyone that reads this blog
please pray for me and my dear, davina
=) God will move mountains
and we're asking u to pray with us,
for our love, for god.
for us to be together...

to my dear...
in this tough period.. with that huge obstacle in front of us, which seems almost immovable.

let me offer you some hope.

i love you
and this love will not fade
this love will shine through
and God will make a way
no obstacle is absolute to God,
and he'll always help us to get past it.
i love you dear.
no matter what,
we're in this together
You, Me and God.
and who can stand between us.
i love you
and we'll be together
always together
no matter how long it might seem to another

S-i-g-h.
I'm sorry....
You know,
i don't really know what strength entails,
because i rather be weak so you can feel strong.

i'd rather be poor, so you could feel rich
i'd rather be nasty, so you could feel nice
i'd rather be stupid so you could feel smarter.
and maybe i already am all those things.

but... all that i am, is not because of me, but is because of God
and he has graciously accepted me for who i am.
just as i accept everyone for who they are, even if i might seem to struggle with it.

i am sorry....
accept me...?

its always a struggle when we lose a part of ourselves.
but it makes us stronger.
and cherish and build on the things we still have.

If i had a dream, i'd be a nobody.
insignificant.
with nothing.
and at least i could make the choices i really wanted to make.
rather than get influenced by what i already have.

i made the choice that i really wanted to make, with you,
without any influences.
with nothing at all.
and God let it be.

Remember, that to me : I am nothing.
and you are everything.

Unity, We preach Unity

Proverbs 3 : 19-20
The Lord by wisdom founded the earth;
By understanding He established the heavens;
by his knowledge the depths were broken up,
And clouds drop down the dew.

(This verses show the glory of wisdom before God.
That it was his plan that he created the earth and the heavens,
such cataclysmic events, or even the simple things such as moistening
of the earth with dew drops.)

How Great is our God.

Jesus said " I am the way, the truth and the life."
Look unto him.

You know as a christian
I disagree at the way we disagree in how we love our God.
We preach unity of one body in Christ, yet we never do practice it.
We show disdain for the other when he does something differently.

For me, having joined Campus Crusade as an ardent follower of the ways of VCF,
its been a wonder.
I am sure, no matter which side i'm in, they'll support and encourage me.
But yet, we still take sides, still so aware of our differences and unable to come to terms with it.
we know we are one people, yet in our hearts we have different shades of red

John Ng preaches unity, and that is what the world needs now.

We do not walk to the war with different lines,
we walk to the war like the spartans did in the movie 300.
No weakness, our strength in Him, together, as a unit.
Our faith intricately interlinkes, sending power from Him through the ranks.
and that is the way we fight; with God.

But shame on you, you who betrayed Him.

=) its.. 1132pm.

sigh, no one's any good knowing me.
sigh, i really think so.
i'm a j-i-n-x.
sometimes, i just want to rid the world of someone like me.

I always feel like trouble everywhere i go.

Am I of so little use, yet of so much worth?
Or am i of much use, with so little worth.

In John Ng's Message today,
There is true fellowship with God in gratitude.

O Lord, our Lord, how majestic is your name in all the earth! You have set your glory above the heavens. From the lips of children and infants you have ordained praise because of your enemies, to silence the foe and the avenger. Psalms 8

And he asked. What do parents want from their children?
Is it obedience? money? love? Or is it gratitude and Harmony?
I take time now to say a thank you. Thank you God.

Do you feel like a nobody?
Nobody might seem to care, you just feel like a failure based on your own failures.

But the Question is....
"Who are you in God's perspective? What are you in God's perspective?"
Gratitude comes from a recognition and experience of who God is. What is God to you? Is he divine? majestic? He is who he is, just as we are who we are.

In Matthew 21. Jesus healed many, and the children were praising him. The chief priest and the pharisees were yet unhappy. And Jesus said..."I am God" Only in these children's inadequacies did they truly see God's strength.

v2. "From the lips of children and infatns you have ordained praise because of your enemies, to silence the foe and the avenger"

"A self made person will find it difficult to be grateful.

"Looking at the star-studded night sky, the psalmist is overwhelmed with a sense of the relatively ephemeral and frail character of human beings and wonders why the Creator pays any attention to such infinitesimally tiny creatures." Anderson.

v4. "What is man that you are mindful of him, the son of man that you care for him?"
Why God?

"We are more God like than beast-like"

v5 "You made him a little lower than the heavenly beings and crowned him with glory and honour."
We are special....

The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings,
but shorter tempers; wider freeways, but narrower viewpoints.
We spend more, but have less; we buy more, but enjoy it less.
We have bigger houses and smaller families; more conveniences, but less time;
we have more degrees, but less sense; more knowledge, but less judgment;
more experts, but more problems; more medicine, but less wellness.

We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly,
laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry too quickly,
stay up too late, get up too tired, read too seldom, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom.
We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values.
We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.
We've learned how to make a living, but not a life;
we've added years to life, not life to years.

We've been all the way to the moon and back,
but have trouble crossing the street to meet the new neighbor.
We've conquered outer space, but not inner space.
We've done larger things, but not better things.
We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul.
We've split the atom, but not our prejudice.

We write more, but learn less.
We plan more, but accomplish less.
We've learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more information to produce more copies than ever, but have less communication.

These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion;
tall men, and short character; steep profits, and shallow relationships.
These are the times of world peace, but domestic warfare;
more leisure, but less fun; more kinds of food, but less nutrition.

These are days of two incomes, but more divorce; of fancier houses, but broken homes.
These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throw-away morality,
one-night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer to quiet, to kill.

"Our God is far greater than words can make known,
Exalted and holy, He reigns on His throne.
In infinite splendor He rules over all;
Yet He feeds the poor sparrows, and He knows when they fall.

He rides the wild heavens, He strides thro’ the seas;The high mountains tremble to hear His decrees.
His voice with great thunderings sounds from above;
But to His own children He whispers His love.

His power is great and will ever endure,
His wisdom is peaceable, gentle, and pure.
But greater than all these glories I see,
Is the glorious promise that He cares for me.”

I teared twice today...

i love you so much.

i beg our God.
Give light, in such darkness, and open our eyes, so we can see it.

thanks to pris and to lihao! =) sigh i miss both of you.
really a lot.... i'm starting to struggle....
yet i know u're all around....

you know,
when i first thought of dying, it was because i didn't want to live this life anymore, its too hard to study and do well, too hard to juggle all my emotions, too hard to struggle alone.
After i knew Christ, when i thought of dying, i saw it as freedom, and i wanted to do it to free myself.
But today, as i think about dying, its because i feel helpless, that i wish i could do more but i can't, and i feel lost and trapped with my energy and desire to help, imploding within me.
i am not drained, yet its all trapped inside, unharnessed, unused, and i feel just as worthless.

Why doesn't death claim us...?
That the physical death that God gives is the only thing that can ultimately free us from our misery.... We are not meant to enjoy this world.
If u asked me, i wouldn't mind dying today, now, or even tomorrow.... i can't wait.


But He said i shall not take any man's life, including my own, and i shan't. and i must wait patiently for his calling. and i'm waiting for my dear, each and everyday. and perhaps then shall he call me.

School has been busy and everyone's bogged down with work. I feel like quitting each and every single day too. I definitely feel i could study harder, i could really throw my entire life into my studies and really just do well. but i won't be happy..... i really don't really know if anyone feels happy studying, but maybe there are. I know you might feel i don't understand things and i make it sound easier than it seems.
and i might say,i understand, because only through failure was i able to encounter the joy in another type of success, and i found another lease of life. my grades may tumble, but i'm more fulfilled each and every single day. Words are so easy to say, it always has been.I do this though, without purpose of convincing you, but to convince myself, because i'm with you, and i feel and understand u. i struggle with you.

i'm not an 'A' student, not an 'A-' student, not even a 'B+' student.
well, i guess i'm really quite lousy, i do get the lowest marks in class sometimes.
i guess i've severly dampened everyone's expectations of me.
i guess i've let everyone down.
especially my father.
but those so close to me, support me, including my father.
to just be close to God.

I don't know what to do now.
I'm lost, just as directionless.
jumping off one of those hdb flats isn't hard.
so why not? you, God?
or is it just me.

"A man might live a meaningless existence till his death, so why not death come sooner?"
"With God, death never comes. Rather, we live in such meaningful existence, because of the life he has given us."

I do not die now because i live with meaning, and only when meaning ends, shall i finally pass away.