1 john 4:7-8
"Let us love one another, for love comes from God... Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love... And He has given us this command: Whoever loves God must also love his brother."

1 John 2:9 "Anyone who claims to be in the light but hates his brother is still in darkness"

1 John 2:5-6 "This is how we know we are in Him, Whoever claims to live in him must walk as Jesus did"

1 John 3:23 "Believe in the name of his Son, Jesus Christ, and to love one another as He commanded us."

Philippians 2:3-5
"Do nothing out of selfish ambition or in vain conceit. But in humilty, consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus."

Ecclesiastes 4:9-12
"Two are better than one, Because they have a good reward for their labour.
For if they fall, one will lift up his companion.
But woe to him who is alone when he falls.
For he has no one to help him up
Again, if two lie down together, they will keep warm.
But how can one be warm alone?
Though one may be overpowered by another, two can withstand him.
And a threefold cord is not quickly broken"

1 Corinthians 13:13
"And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love."

"plan-etary magic... truly, a miracle... God makes it happen" =)

*ouch* this last paper really didn't go well at all.

lets prop up e 2 corners of my mouth today =)
tell myself i'm happy...
because i am =) no regrets, i tried my best.
somethings are beyond my control =)
things will work out....

just knowing you're there for me,
is more than everything to me.

"Children sleeping, snow is softly falling
Dreams are calling like bells in the distance
We were dreamers not so long ago
But one by one we all had to grow up
When it seems the magic's slipped away
We find it all again on Christmas day"

Christmas....

hmm.. =) econs just ended.

i'm supposed to be studying chemistry right now.
i guess, i just wanted to say how time has passed so fast....
that really, before i knew it .. i'm here, in my room, supposed to be studying chemistry....
its been a while ...

i listen to my first song ever since the exams started.

"Wonderful merciful Savior
Precious redeemer and friend
Who would have thought that a lamb could
Rescue the souls of men."

i feel like i've come so far, been through so much.
and i know i wouldn't have been here without Him.
somehow among all the poems i've ever tried to write,
not one ever comes close to this....

"So many memories and so many miles
The road that stretches behind us
We've had some laughter and our share
Of tears
But all these moments unite us"

"So in the valley walk on
Dont have to face it alone
Cause in the hard times
We keep growing strong
As we learn, as we live
That we live when we give"

in gratitude...
i offer my life

i feel inspired... to write some poetic euphony.

by a friend, so far away.

perhaps my dreams have soured,
or my little light grow dim.
and i've felt the rigours of the fast-paced rhythmic
lifestyle here, just drain me thin..

it seems so dreamy,
that picture taken many miles away.
that acrimonious mockery,
for me, i see, i pray.

dance away like the blue daffodils,
as they sing the tune of laissez faire
flouting the natural order,
of our democratic distress

so cry me a river,
for i'm living a life without zeal,
a dream of sightlessness,
an animus lost, to heal.

grass is never vendurous here,
where home is shackled shut,
where free reign is a casualty,
our fatous insanity.

i might have thrown the game away,
lost my pompous stance,
but i, follow my dream,
my faith in him, enhanced.

so sing to me, a lullaby
disregard my woes,
the dearth of utopian philosophy,
and that celestial provision of hope.

fathom, recognize that elusive prize,
its within our reach to fraternize,
one day our extrication arrives,
a promise, from above, realized.

love, has such sovereignty
with God our only hegemony,
life is, but such a mystery,
our plan, our own symphony.

-an original by matt, inspired by a friend.
=) one day...
we'll live our dream, my dear friends.

PSLE.
i remember those days....

i think i need to be a better friend, have been neglecting some people that could do with the company. and that means u, luke!!

all e best for exams!!
those jss kids are mocking me! just cos they've finished exams.
can't believe it.
imagine them shivering in their socks during the psle results release...
just kidding, they're all really smart, and well..all did quite well...
HAhaHa. ya. one generation precedes the next.

quote of the day : "remember to thank God!"

"good guys finish last. they just watch out for everyone ahead of them. "

now that is being a light in this world.

"Fools mock at sin, But among the upright there is favour" Proverbs 14:9

exam blues...

two blue pens, a pencil and an eraser,
scribble, rub, and "where's my ruler?"
i feel like a running tap,
and my calculator's faulty!

a, a, c, b, d,
and a fifty-fifty.
okay! tikam,
time's running short!

"put your pencils down,
thats it, i've lost it.
one wrong, two wrong,
and oh that might be correct!

go sit in the corner,
cos u've just sealed ur fate,
i'm thanking God.
exam's been great =)

EG exam just passed...
hmm thats 1 down, 5 to go.
got a pleasant reminder today....
i kinda feel unworthy, i feel kinda lousy that i just want to reach my own expectations
that i want to be good at being me cos i want to be good.. so wrong.
i guess, i really wish i had nothing at all, then i could tell myself, that everything i have, comes from God.
and everything does come from him, and i must continually remind myself that i have nothing at all.
i feel so human, so imperfect, aware of all my inadequacies, but its only by being aware of all that, that i can truly become a better child of God.

"God knows how thankful i am, for you.
i really would tell u, how i'm really nothing compared to u... or anyone.
and everything i have, i thank God, and give back to God.
deep down, i know i'm nothing......
i'm just happy that i have God's love"

i think i'm getting happier feeling lousy about myself, than i ever would feeling good about myself...Somewhere, God has a part to play in that.
i look at all my friends and family around me... and i can tell you... how wonderful you all are.
i need you more than u'd ever need me.

a cliche but it still works.

"just try your best, and leave God to do the rest!"

not a good day! can't concentrate on anything!
shall go rest more and do more tomorrow!

my exam dates (AKA my prayer list for the exams)

25th November 2006 EG1108 Electrical Engineering
1. Pray that i won't get confused by concepts i'm not sure about.
2. I tend to panic, pray for steadiness
3. Pray for meticulous derivation of the different circuits
4. Pray that i can remember all my formulas.

27th November 2006 MA1505 Mathematics
1. Pray that i can tell what the question is asking for
2. Pray that i'll be confident when writing down answers.
3. Pray that i'll be able to see the way to get to the solution.
4. Pray that i will not be complacent nor careless.
5. Pray for my friends taking this exam too.

28th November 2006 EC1301 Principles of Economics
1. Pray that i can remember my facts and concepts
2. Pray that i will not be caught in 2 minds (caught between 2 answers) like the last time.
3. Pray that i'll be steady and sure.

29th November 2006 CM1502 Chemical Engineering and Principles
1. Pray that i can grasp all my concepts and learn how to apply them.
2. Pray that i know what i'm learning, and that i won't get frustrated.
3. Pray for speed during the test, its usually quite rush.

1st December 2006 PC1431 Physics I
1. Pray that i can master my physics tecniques, integration, deriving forces, etc.
2. Pray that i can fully understand dynamic rotation of rigid bodies and learn how to apply them.
3. Pray that i won't be careless while deriving forces.
4. Pray that i can remember my formulas too.

2nd December 2006 CS1101C Programming in C
1. Pray that i'll be able to see all their sneaky tricks they use during their exams.
2. Pray that i'll understand how to use my structures properly
3. Pray that i won't be complacent.
4. Pray that i'll be steady.

Pray for my friends during their exams. =)
For all the same things that i've prayed for myself.
Pray that i won't forget to pray for my friends.
I also pray for my non-christian friends too....
I pray that they might see God's glory during this period of time.

and matt *presents* his exam timetable! aka prayer list for the next 2 weeks.

I also need to add that to pray for satisfaction and appreciation from myself.
To be happy for whatever i have, and not for whatever i want to get.

don't stress everyone!
my sister really helps to destress me.
she hardly studied through her entire nus life, and she got 2nd class upper!
just missing first class honours by a little bit.
her lowest grade ever was a B+... now just look at me.
working so hard, trying to figure out all the many formulas and concepts
yet still... as hard as i work, so much worse!
haha... =)
so don't stress everyone...
grades aren't important.. just try your best...
i can truly say, i'd rather give all my money to you if you were my best friend,
yet achieved nothing....
simply, because you deserve it
because you've been there for me when i didn't care for you.
and u've brought me through to what i've achieved.
we owe everything to God, simply because of this.
i hardly studied today.....
=( but i still feel fulfilled.

"What does it take to be the best?"
"The best is yet to be, because the best is best at where he's at. "
A whole new meaning to the ACS slogan.
and thats respect, from a Rafflesian.

i think God slowed me down today,
because i've learnt so much more.
not a formula for surface integrals,
but a concept for life.

=) strive on people..
its 2 weeks more =)!
we'll have fun then
i miss a lot of you....
i really do... =(

"i think i owe everyone a huge sorry..."

i wrote an entire post
and it got rubbed away accidentally =(

well... i just was thanking God for my friends in church
really.. such a blessing,
i'm kinda alone at times in my JSS ministry, but they still
always bother about me =) its heart warming
sometimes, i do feel i push them to one side when things start to get busy.
i sadden myself when i do that, at the end of the day...
i might say "i wish i spent more time with them"
but i don't want to say that next time....

i thank God for my sis, its nice meeting her after so long.
its my dad's birthday celebrations today.
somehow, being in engineering is such a struggle.
but... God will help us soar... we will finish the race because of Him.
and we will run the race together.

i feel that i've grown up in such an unconventional manner, compared to everyone else.
i think that through it all, God has impressed upon me one thing.

That through everything, he has been with me.
He has been there every single second of my life, guiding my life as it has gone by.
and i know that as i stand on the mountain, looking at the source of my birth,
i can truly say... my river meanders, but it has never stopped.
it winds, but it still reaches the sea....
the floods and the sun comes, but everything is timed to perfection....
and i am protected from all the harsh realities i could have suffered from.
and i have come out unscathed.

I hope my JSS kids see the purpose of 6 years of JSS...
truly as they go on in their lives, one day they'll look back and realise how every single small thing has played a part in who they are.

they've learned the faith
they've been shown the values
as they graduate ...
i hope they walk with God.
k i'm rushing
time is short and things are hectic!
Love ya.. =)

msn is down! oh well my msn is down =)
hmm
i'm struggling with selfish ambition now....
hmmm... but i'm trying very hard to change that.....
yup but things are gd =)
things are going well... glad that people around me are happy.. or happier anyway
glad that i have friends that just remember me from time to time

exams.
hmm...*ponders

today.
prac exam.

int main(void)
{
void sleep(char matt, void bed, int no_of_pillows);

if (matt == good programmer)
programcompiles;
else
{
programdoesnotcompile;
printf("Error. \n");
matt goes to sleep early;
sleep(matt, bed, 2);
}

return 0;
}

oh eg lab results are out. did quite well.
9.5/10, 9.5/10, 8.5/10
evens out my mid term marks.
hmm... ya oh well results.... must try to look past them.
there's more important things to do than to strive to be the smartest person around.

"Averyrandompostbyme"
My head is buzzing with formulas and concepts.

thought i just spend a little time to write a little..
everyone's studying right now... me too.
well... a good break is always a good thing.
kinda have to say sorry to so many friends,
that i haven't had enough time for all of them
birthday presents are late, i've been Mia-ing for quite a while
well but i'm still around!! haven't forgotton about anyone or anything.
guess studying is such a "race...." to do the best we can...
everyone's stressed and worried about results, me included.
well today i shared this with the JSS kids.

Philippians 2
"Therefore if there is any consolation in christ, if any comfort of love, if any fellowship of the Spirit, if any affection and mercy, fulfill my joy by being like-minded, having the same love, being of one accord, of one mind.
Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind, let each esteem others better than himself. Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others."

Though it was taken out of my context, my sharing...
i think it means so much to just anyone out there.
it is God's word... spoken through Paul....
oh well... back to studying i guess...
i look and i see numbers and more numbers and more numberS!!!!!!

ninety one thousand, one hundred and six.

There's 2 things i know for sure
she was sent here from heaven
and she's daddy's little girl
As i drop to my knees by her bed at night
She talks to Jesus and i close my eyes and
I thank God for all the joy in my life
Oh, but more of all
For butterfly kisses after bedtime prayer;
sticking little white flowers all up in her
hair, "Walk beside the pony, Daddy, its my first ride"
"I know the cake looks funny, Daddy, but i sure tried"
In all that i've done wrong i know i must
have done something right to deserve a hug
every morning and butterfly kisses at night

Sweet 16 today
She's looking like her mama a little more everyday
One part woman, the other part girl
To perfume and make up from ribbons and curls
Trying her wings out in a great big world

But i remember
Butterfly kisses after bedtime prayer, sticking
little white flowers all up in her hair.
"You know how much i love you, Daddy, But if you
don't mind i'm only gonna kiss you on the cheek this time"
With all that I've done wrong i must have done
something right to deserve her love every morning
and butterfly kisses at night

All the precious time
like the wind, the years gho by.
Precious butterfly
Spread your wings and fly

She'll change her name today
She'll make a promise and I'll give her away
Standing in the bride-room just staring at her
She asked me what i'm thinking and I said " i'm not
sure - I just feel like I'm losing my baby girl"
She leaned over.. gave me butterfly kisses with her mama there.
Sticking little white flowers all up in her hair.
"Walk me down the aisle, daddy- its just about time"
"does my wedding gown look pretty, Daddy? Daddy , don't cry!"

Oh, with all that I've done wrong i must have
sone something right
to deserve your love every morning
and butterfly kisses - I couldn't ask God for more, man this is what love is

I know i gotta let her go, but i'll always remember
every hug in the morning and butterfly kisses

I waited for You, today
But u didn't show, no no, no...
I needed you, today
So where did you go?
You told me to call
Said you'd be there
And though i haven't seen you
Are you still here ?

I cry out with no reply
and i can't feel you by my side
So i'll hold tight to what i know
you're here and i'm never alone

And though i cannot see you
and i can't explain why
Such a deep, deep reassurance
You've placed in my life
We cannot separate
Cause' you're part of me
and though you're invisible
i'll trust the unseen

i cry out with no reply
and i can't feel you by my side
so i'll hold tight to what i know
you're here and i'm never alone

i can't live life alone
and never feel the longings of my heart
that healing warmth of someone's arms
and i could live without dreams
and never know the thrill of what could be
with every star
so far and out of reach
i could live without many things
and i could carry on, but

i couldn't face my life tomorrow
without your hope in my heart i know
i can't live a day without you
Lord, there's no night and there's no morning
Without your loving arms to hold me
You're the heartbeat of all i do
i can't live a day without you

i could travel the world
see all the wonders beautiful and new
they'd only make me think of You
And i could have all life offers
Riches that were far beyond compare
To grant my every wish without a care
Oh, I could do anything, oh yes
But if you weren't in it all.

Jesus, i live because You live
You're like the air i breathe
Oh, Jesus.. i have because you give
you're everything to me

There are Days When I Feel
The best of me is ready to begin
Then there're days when i feel
i'm letting go and soaring on the wind
Cause i've learned in laughter or in pain
how to survive

i get on my knees, i get on my knees
there i am before the love that changes me
See i don't know how, but there's a power
in the blue skies, in the midnight
when i'm on my knees

i can be in a crowd
or by myself, in almost anywhere
when i feel there's a need
to talk with God; He is Emmanuel
When i close my eyes, no darkness there
there's only light...

When i see the winter turning into sprint
Oh, it speaks to this heart of mine
More than anything
Underneath a blanket of snow, cold and white
Something is stirring in the still of the night

And then the sun comes up, slowly with the dawn
Oh, this is the kind of feeling
That i hang my hope upon
There is love and beauty in all that i see
And no one, nobody is explaining You to me

And maybe my eyes can't see
But you are surrounding me
Here in the wind and rain
The thngs that i know
Tender and sweet, and strong as my need
I know the voice, I know the touch
Lover of my soul

And when the evening comes, and sunlight fades to red
And time and time and time again
I whisper in my head
Give me strength, give me faith, to fully believe.
That the Maker of this whole, wide world
Is a Father to me

And maybe my eyes can't see
But You are surrounding me
Here in the wind and rain
The things that i know
Tender and sweet, and strong as my need
I know the voice, I know the touch
Lover of my soul
I need the voice, I need the touch

Adonai

One single drop of rain
Your salty tear became blue ocean
One tiny grain of sand turning in your hand
A world in motion
You're out beyong the furthest Morning Star
Close enough to hold me in your arms
Adonai, I lify up my heart and I cry
My Adonai
You are the Maker of each moment
Father of my hope and freedom
Oh, my Adonai
One timid faithful knock
Resounds up the Rock of Ages
One trembling heart and soul
Becomes a servant hold and
courageous
You call across the mountains and the seas
I answer from the deepest part of me
From age to age you
reign in Majesty
And today you're making miracles in me.

blessed be your name
in a land that is plentiful
where ur streams of abundance flows
blessed be your name

blessed be your name
when i'm found in the desert place
though i walk the wilderness
blessed be your name

every blessing u pour out of
turn back to praise
when the darkness closes in, lord
still i will say
blessed be the name of the lord
blessed be your name
blessed be the name of the lord
blessed be your glorious name
blessed be your name
when the sun shining down on me
when the world's all as it should be
blessed be your name

blessed be your name
on a road marked with suffering
when there's pain in the offering
blessed be your name

every blessing u pour out of
turn back to praise
when the darkness closes in, lord
still i will say
blessed be the name of the lord
blessed be your name
blessed be the name of the lord
blessed be your glorious name
blessed be your name
you give and take away
you give and take away
my heart will choose to say
Lord blessed be your name

all e colours of the rainbow
all the voices of the wind
every dream that reaches out
it reaches out to find where love begins

every word of every story
every star in every sky
every corner of creation
lives to testify

for as long as i shall live
i will testify to love
i'll be a witness in the silences
when words are not enough
with every breath i take
i'll give thanks to god above
for as long as i shall live
i shall testify to love

from the mountains to the valleys
from the rivers to the sea
every hand that reaches out
ever hand that reaches out to offer peace
every simple act of mercy
every step to kingdom come
all the hope in every heart will
speak of what love has done

i'm not moodswinging

i'm not moodswinging...
i'm just finding ways to keep myself out of all that sadness
and trying i am.... and i can't
and they day i come back here, and look at the words i write...
i know its been 5 days......
5 x 24 hours is a long time... its a full 120 hours.
i inhale deeply, preparing for that sigh..
it just seems like i've been preparing myself so long for that sigh.
even though i do believe in a smile at the end of it all... i don't know why
that sigh just seems so close by.
writing with such emotional unstability,
i'm a fool with words.
words are never going to express it like how i really feel it.
my heart is such a soft piece of machinery.
it has no gears, no nuts or bolts.
it just runs purely on me..
u squeeze it, it chokes, it doesn't break down.
it has no form, its free expression personified
i can only imagine... what its like

i just feel like a fool....
that perhaps i'm not meant to be here...
i'm just lost in the wilderness...
i don't plant trees, i burn down the forest.

deja vu

they always say deja vu... deja vu.....
is it really deja vu?
can we explain,
or do we just see it?
that once in a lifetime, deja vu.

warmer than the warmest sunshine
softer than a sigh
deeper than the deepest ocean
wider than the sky
brighter than the brightest star
that shines every night above
and there is nothing in this world...
that could ever change it.

Guess at this moment in time,
it just seems like a butterfly passes every morning.
flutters here, and flutters away.
and the next day, the cycle repeats itself again.
when days become just a deja vu,
what meaning does it have?

The 5 elements on earth.
Water, Metal, Fire, Earth and Metal.
Quoted : The Fengshui Master

The 5 Elements on earth.
Me, You, God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit
Quoted : Me

Don't you love how we define our own worlds...?

i wish i had nothing again, life would be a lot simpler when i just had God around....

You don't need everything you have, you just need God.

But i do need you around, cos i'm never perfectly attuned to what i believe in.

if not it might mean i've reached my salvation.

sometimes =) when u're happy! u've so much joy u just wanna share it with others.

today. my sec4 form teacher. mrs felicia yeo appeared from out of nowhere, at the back of my lecture hall!
Her hubby is MR YEO YE! my physics lecturer....
its been a few months since i saw her. she's such a great teacher that i never did appreciate till now....
just remember every month, there'll be a birthday cake prepared for all us birthday boys.
just remember the day she brought e class over to visit me in hospital.
really i owe her a lot.
today.. well i just poured out my entire uni life to her....
a gd person with a gd heart. i can place a lot of trust in her.
after exchanging formalities, updating her about my various classmates,
she told me about her uni days
how she waited a year for her husband.... (both from TJC) to come into uni,
before they started on their major together.
how they studied together everyday till 10pm in the library....
before they both went on to teach....
i can only smile when i hear that... and truly feel the sweetness in e air when she says it all.
truly love and practicality can co-exist in such harmony.
she now has a kid... taking e exact same path i did in terms of education.

i guess... i'm just left standing there dreaming now....................
just dreaming...

"a soft heart might get squashed, but a hard heart cracks under pressure"

my JSS ubin trip

our cycling trip. =)
how i'm going to miss it. =(
i hope u all grow up to be special blessings.

"Did you ever talk to God above
Tell Him that you need a friend to love
Pray in Jesus' name believing
That God answers prayers.
Have you told him all your cares and woes
Every tiny little fear He knows
You can know He'll always hear
And he will answer prayers.
You can whisper in a crowd to Him
You can cry when you're alone to Him
You don't have to pray out loud to Him
He knows your thoughts.
On a lofty mountain peak, He's there
In a meadow by a stream, He's there
Anywhere on earth you go
He's been there from the start.
Find the answer in His Word, it's true
You'll be strong because He walks with you
By His Faithfulness, He'll change you, too
God answers prayers"

I am so going to miss e childrens' ministry when i step down next year.
i'm gonna miss my kids.
Truly, i'll miss every moment there.
Sigh... sometimes u just need a spark to get you going.
These children have been my spark so many times.
Though i scold them so many times, tell them to keep quiet or even just "shush" them...
i'm happy that i've had this opportunity in my life.
Preparing worship next week, it'll be my last worship this year....
I've picked songs that i'll miss...

My friends have been like popcorn lately...
sweet and savoury. just how i like it.
God answers prayers =)...
i'm still quite down though... think i'll be for a while..
i'm just thankful for what i have right now.

(pls click the video "thats what friends are for on the left" its nice.)

in anything...
"yi ge shou zhang shi pai bu xiang de"
guess thats what i'm feeling right now..

hmm...
i'm still sighing today,
still thinking,
still caught in my world where everything else has to stand still.
i just feel so "unengineering" right now.
Admist the whole pool of people,
you feel alone.
Cos you're different.
I so feel like leaving, though i know i'll never go.
Cos this is my path, and there are so many other happy treasures i've found.

talked to ally yest..
and she really understands me so well...
perhaps, we're both feeling similar things about how uni life is like.
supposed we both just want to hold on to the treasures we already have.
that we don't want to lose any of it... but yet
"our choice is ours, and theirs, theirs..."

we run the race, not just as a sprint, but as a race to the finish.
the finish line exists not in our sight, but in our hearts.

And I never thought I'd feel this way
And as far as I'm concerned I'm glad I got the chance to say
That I do believe I love you
And if I should ever go away
Well, then close your eyes and try
To feel the way I do today
And then if you can remember
Keep smiling, keep shining
Knowing you can always count on me
For sure
That's what friends are for
In good times, and bad times
I'll be on your side forever more
That's what friends are for
Well, you came and opened me
And now there's so much more I see
And so, by the way, I thank you
And then for the times when we're apart
Well, then close your eyes and know
These words are coming from my heart
And then if you can remember
Keep smiling, keep shining
Knowing you can always count on me
For sure
That's what friends are for

sigh, a lot to think about.

it really is so much more fun to write an essay, rather than do a maths question.

a dirty, old worn soccerball, lying by the wayside... its seams all broken from the relentless kicking about in the last 2 years of secondary school. Now it just lies there, unused. "Oh, when was the last time i played soccer with them." Matthias presses the "flashback" button on his essay writing computer.... Zwish....
"That was a foul lor! Wah Lau Eh!"
"Cannot play soccer then don't play lah!"
Those days spent on the hard green-coloured mat were days to be remembered. We were all stars in our own right. Dave for his wonderfully quick reflexes, despite his height. Goose and Sam as our acclaimed "4Q twin towers" and dan and I for our bulldog-like tackling. It was fun when we were good. Those touches of brillance and skill inspired by our naivety of the game. We'd try twists and turns that keep our opponents on their backsides. It was fun flooring someone, or watching someone just stand there flabbergasted by their inadequacy to see the game. We'd rush down from our classrooms the minute the bell rang. We'd throw tantrums when our teachers held us back for even the shortest second. We'd be mean and bully those little boys that had such a lack of respect. Every single day, we'd had a ball. Every single day, we enjoyed.
We were the nerds of the school, yet we had so much fun together.
How the brightest boys of our Singaporean society could just put down whatever talents we had in the academic field, to enjoy life; our teachers could never understand. We wasted our talents in their eyes. We never met up to expectations. Yet we were special. We were perhaps never as outgoing as those express kids, or as hardworking as those who strived for the olympiad teams. But we were the happiest among them all.
"33, 34 and 35" The L1R5 Scores of Dave, me and Zhihon in secondary 4.
We were almost dropouts. Yet we were happy. That we could laugh at the fact we all had to go for remedial class, really did say so much about how we faced life.
Its no cliche to say "those were the days," because they were. That even as we studied, we'd be on the phone discussing about ten year series questions. And that magical moment where we raced each other down to town, just to celebrate after our O levels! Only God knows why it happened.
We've drifted though, and now as we get more caught up in our university life, we get more jaded, we stay less happy. We never have that endeavour and that unspoken joy we once had.
To us, studies were never important. Even now they aren't. I listen to everyone around me and how they reminisce about the times they went partying, watching movies, etc. And i tell myself too, that i had those days as well. To me, they were the most fulfilling days of my life. Not because we did well in our studies, not because we had so much fun, but because we were together. Somehow, togetherness is the gist of it all.
My voice softens, my enthusiasm waivering. As we reapproach the present. What lies there, is a ball from so long ago. That holds so much of what we were, and tells us how much we want to return to what we had. But we've grown up, and we've changed. We have come to a point where we aren't together anymore. We have come to a point where life has just gotton serious. And we can't joke around no more. Quarrels turn to indifferences, joy turns to subdued happiness, life comes in dribs and drabs, play becomes work....
And thus my essay ends, on this essay writing computer that once was a pen, but now is a keyboard. And i press the "send" button...

This essay represents what we so miss in our lives, the past. Yet it also tells us how we can follow our hearts, and live the life we've come to know as what we want. And thus it is an essay, and not a maths question... Because numbers become words.... just for tonight.

All of us that grew up together, retain what we had during the times we were together.
You can't fault us for our friendship, for our class spirit. We still have it till this very day.
That little touch of magic in our lives.
We grew up the way we were meant to.

We show you the way we were meant to be.

just called sylvia to wish her happy birthday! happily forgetting its 13hours difference and its 8am there, and she unlike me, doesn't wake up that early! SORRY! well.. yeah wish i could do more =) it was nice calling her.. heh can't call too long cos my hp bill will skyrocket! but well.. HAPPY BIRTHDAY! HAPPY 21st BIRTHDAY to SYlvia! =)!
well 2 days ago it was happy 21st birthday to dave.
and yesterday it was happy 19th birthday to pris!
=) i wanted to try filling the whole week with birthdays of good friends before... somehow all my good friends, especially those people close to me, are born around that time.....
its really quite amazing and something i never expected to happen...
Minii-Miracle. Well actually no miracle is mini. its huge!

well... yeah =) studies. heh i'm supposed to start today yet i feel like i wanna just take in the moment and not do work.. 2 chps a day is definitely not enough... i have to buck up k =)
Well... i shall continue to focus on God and he'll show me what to do...

tomorrow is my last DG for Campus Crusade.. think i'll miss it. We aren't that close. but well 3 years down the road u never know.

some of my coursemates are dropping out of the course, cos they can't cope.
i lament at why life is so cruel these days.
i wish i were in their shoes. perhaps i'd learn more about compassion.

sigh today i really miss sylvia. i really did wish she was still in Singapore. things are so busy these days, time passes so fast... i miss dave too! well he doesn't read this blog.. well but hmmm its been along time since we did things together.

Guess its just not me not to think =) i must think and reflect and understand a little bit about what life is about each day. I feel empty not thinking about those friends of mine so far away...
if only we all as friends could spend everyday together for the rest of our lives! having fun! having talks, playing, taking in the scenery, watching things go by! Meeting up everyday just to talk about the little-st things from origami to the sea, or about the crepe store down the corner street. rather than.... "come on, u didn't score that badly" or "cheer up, u're doing fine.." or "how u do the tutorial question 2?"
we're really delusional.

a carton of mangoes just came.
just watched get real! about this old woman who gave up her durians so she could donate the money to the more needy.
to me, thats the true success story of a Singaporean.

perhaps for every hour i study, i might need 2 to reflect about my life.
but then again, perhaps for every A i get in my studies, i might get 2As for my life.