plan-etary magic: April 2006

on a spree

ahh.. i just wrote a whole bunch and it accidentally got deleted..
anyway i was just saying how...
i am on a writing spree now.... 5 posts in less than 24 hours definitely seems to prove that.
i just wondered how my friends really know what is going on sometimes.... sometimes i really seem to pour out so much into this blog... yet i know the limits of privacy. i'm well aware of that. and sometimes perhaps i'm not really putting every single thing inside..
sometimes i feel that i'm a 100% input, 0% output. someone with deep rooted problems, yet so unwilling to share it, someone that is afraid of being embarassed, afraid of conflict, afraid of losing things. but i have to, someday.
anyway i just went for a swim. and while i swam, it reminded me of getting baptised a hundred times over... it feels like u're being cleansed, inside and outside. and how good it feels, as u feel everything being washed away and u being able to start anew.
my mood changes apparently as it transits from the previous few posts to this one...
and sometimes i laugh at my naivety... how perhaps i should be as the bible says.....
to be as wary as the serpent, yet as innocent as the dove.
God is perfect and as christians we all know that.... now we just wish he would share some perfection with us. =)
on a brighter side.. i really wonder what the future holds. i don't know about tomorrow, i just live from day to day, i don't know about the future....
"how much are u looking forward to heaven?"
look bright at all the blessings around us. God has given more than we have asked for

- would you smile once more, or not smile at all -

"a promise of something beautiful"

tomorrow, tomorrow...

today i woke up with a little bit of sadness, whilst i slept late at about 2am last night,
it didn't really hurt me much to wake up at 740am.
things continue to rush back towards you everytime you dream..... and think in your sleep.
R.E.M. is much more real than it is said to be.
"once bitten, twice shy" really means so much to me now.
on e outside, i can always move on and look past everything....
inside. i haven't really moved on at all... i still cling on to memories and the way they have played with me.
ya. but all things said and done, there's always more to look forward to.
perhaps what is hoped for might never come true....
but there's always some hope in the world. thats for sure.
do you think i'm sad? cos perhaps i am, ruffled by the world, humiliated, shamed in public, and scrutinized by every single person i know. it takes its toll on you.
so while i woke up with a little bit of sadness, and my face still feels damp from the tears, its always a reminder to me....
how a friend can always change things.
"even if you're not perfect to everyone else, you're perfect to me"
n i continue the search for the something tts special.

oh ya nice meaningful song for people like u out there.
how all of us can be so flawed and imperfect, yet seem so perfect to another.

Song of Gomer

Don't know what he sees in me
he is spirit, he is free
and i the wife of adultery
gomer is my name

simple more than i can see
how he keeps on loving me
how he keeps his sanity
hosea, you're a fool

a fool to love someone like me
a fool to suffer silently
and sometimes through your eyes i see
i'd rather be a fool

This God of yours would not have told
to live a life that you couldn't hold
and though time and time again i see
i'm always glad to see u coming after me

simply more than i can see
how he keeps on forgiving me
the wife of adultery
hosea, you're a fool.

from e continentals

I can not tell you how many countless positive comments we received fromthe team about their time in Singapore. Truly it was the best part oftheir time overseas. Thank you, thank you, thank you. You and yourhospitality team really blessed our group and I am so thankful....

-continentals

ditto to you =)

sorry i missed your birthdays

happy birthday to kevin
happy birthday to amelia
happy birthday to derek
happy birthday to cheryl

-be gone from 12th may to 31st may to the US-

"a wrinkle in time"

one night in chiangmai

one night in chiangmai...
in all general truth, i had a really great time in chiangmai... =)
i met really good and nice people.. though i really wonder sometimes, and always how our relationship holds as we all walk down different paths....
for all the people i've met, no one will probably tread the same path i've taken.
perhaps we might lose touch, perhaps we might grow stronger each day..
its always perhaps, perhaps....
e motto of my life.
As i walk down the night bazaar, its been fun shopping with the different people.
i am socially drained as i struggle to fit myself in....
sometimes i wonder why i really went on the trip. did i fulfill my objectives? did i learn a thing or two? perhaps God used this trip as a real reminder for me always...
to trust and obey.
things surprise me all the time, as i continue to learn how i cannot just keep trusting my feelings alone.. -hence the blog title-
at this moment, i just wonder and marvel and the night sky... how its so different over here from there in chiangmai. the soothing stillness and clarity of the dark blue yonder. its calms my heart down.. back into the arms of the dingbats, and some of my church friends...
today i remember times and memories...both good and bad. here's another to add to its collection. but.... with all things gone by....
u always have to pray. u pray for the less fortunate, u pray for yourself, you pray for others.. u pray for the rain, and perhaps for journey mercies..... and one day all these prayers will be answered. one day u'll know that whilst life has never been perfect, it will one day be perfect....just for you.
one night in chiangmai, e noisy eateries, e ladyboys, uncle kitti, cha-wuuuuu, riding elephants and rafting the high seas.... what wonderful memories. i miss them already.
one night in chiangmai, e room checks, e solemn briefings....
one night in chiangmai, e fun, e laughter, e days gone by....
i've got so much to bring back from all of it, especially from friends i've found.
but, i'm a wanderer... and a wonderer.... and i'll continue to think... "perhaps, perhaps" what if i made a different choice.
to shawna, lee mey, ben, victoria, auggie, zong jie, jon liu. i say a thank you.
i did not realise something to be thankful for while writing this, yet i realise it now....
that is thank you for bringing down to wall....
and for erecting that pillar.
pillar of friendship, and that one and beloved circle of trust.
-winkz-

i thought he was nice?

u see when he was younger he seemed to be a nice guy
as he got older. u see all e crap.
it probably lay hidden somewhere.
that f***-ing attitude.

today is it my last day. i'm done with the army.

i don't know how it feels to be out.. it feels funny....
i really miss army... well i've been called over-sentimental in the last few weeks.
and i wonder why.. =) well but i really miss it,
maybe its because for me, army has been much more than it has been for others.
i leave the unit with the same feeling i would get if i left home...
for me it has been home for 2 years. 2 long years. and i have many memories that have moulded and changed me.
yeah... well leaving everyone behind has been kinda funny. but yet the outside world seems so much more optimistic.. and i look forward to my future that beckons.
i wonder if being sentimental is a flaw in the world today..?
really maybe it is....

on to so many other things now....
1. no more wearing uniform with boots
2. being free in the day
3. no more rank system

but i lose a lot of other things as well...
1. company
2. a sense of belonging (u don't feel like u belong anywhere just yet, not until u enter army anyway)

and.. to sum it up.. e continentals.. in bfec... cheers.

on another note, me buying prawns

china-dolls =)

and tom and kurtis!!! we didn't manage to bring the videos home but... =)

Jewelz!! u too.. i really wanna visit u guys... u missing me too? i think we had special moments together despite it being all so short.

brianna....!!! miss ya

continentals have left

e continentals have left....
i hope they like the bethesda frankel shirt i did for them =)
i really miss Jewelz and Brianna right now... i'm kinda sad that its going to be hard to meet them again... SIGH... in 2 half days, we've actually managed to bond....
and i really really miss them!!! i really like them so much ...

they really made me happy, but yet sad after it all... =)
Jewelz and me arms over each other shoulders walking to the immigration.. how i gonna miss that. or like Brianna blowing kisses to say goodbye! somehow... i guess something special happened =) maybe it was something with the warmth in the hugs that we had... that warmth between us really sparkled, really exploded...

not forgetting Kelly, Kurtis, Danny, Kurt, Anna (i accidentlaly wrote ur name wrongly on the shirt, so sorry), Colleen, Megan, Chris, Tom (who we strangled all the time).... i guess i can't be too sentimental. hafta let go and know tt its over... oh why oh why do i get so attached to people sometimes.. =( can i find other guys like u? thank u God....

i really pray to God, that perhaps that even despite the distance, bonds and relationships will remain strong between us... =) and that i might be able to visit them lots while i'm alive. =)
miss u guys, tonnes already, and its only been a few hours since u've left... i pray that u reach back safely and happy=)

Matthew Chp 13

Matthew Chp 13 v 1
On the same day, Jesus went out of the house and sat by the sea. 2 And great multitudes were gathered together to Him, so that He got into a boat and sat; and the whole multitude stood on the shore. 3 Then He spoke many things to them in parables, saying: " Behold, a sower went out to sow. 4 " And as he sowed, some seed fell by the wayside; and the birds came and devoured them. " 5" Some fell on stony places, where they did not have much earth; and they immediately sprang up because they had no depth of earth" 6 " But when the sun was up they were scorched, and because they had no root, they withered away." 7 " And some fell among thorns , and the thorns sprang up and choked them" 8 " But others fell on good ground and yielded a crop : some a hundredfold, some sixty, some thirty. "

And you realise this can be applied to friendships as well...
How often do you sow things to people..... some fall by the wayside, forgotton, as a one off thing, and it was devoured by others to be no more. some fall on stony places, where people like u temporarily for the nice things u have done and a little bit grows, but it never grows past that... its so short lived, and soon they get weathered down. or perhaps they fall among thorns, and these people are taken away from u by others.... but some will grow, some will be gd and flourish. and we thank God for that.

I can think of so many people... in my life... and i really see how which of u are still seeds that are growing, seeds that have taken root and are flourishing, seeds that have not grown at all and have been blown away by the wind... i see those of you who have withered..... and so many others. covered by sand, scorched by the sun.

-i've mentioned this before in a previous post, here's more elaboration-

once u've sown the seeds, wait and see what harvests.
and sow for the next season... and the next and the next..

-e parable of the sower; explained (friendship style)-