a brand new day...

its 5:09am...
and i am no better.
through all that sleep, i've had no other thought... rather than the grateful reminder that everything will be alright.....
as i desperately seek my support pillars all around me....
so too do i wish i can be one for you and all those around me.....
God makes every relationship as a support pillar for each of us, and he will always be there with us.

"a threefold cord is not easily broken" that i always have to remember....
through all joy and sorrows, we will become stronger.
through mistakes we will learn.
and through Him, everything will be alright.

i pray. and i pray. and all i wish for is just to pray.....
to soothe ur heart, and to soothe mine.

perhaps words are nothing by empty vessels with little meaning.
but whats in the heart will last forever.

i feel like throwing away all that i have right now.
i wanna give it all to Him.
through Him, all things are possible.
And i must cling on to that faith and hope.... no matter how many times i might stumble, and no matter how hard i fall.

staying strong is never easy... on the verge of breakdowns, he'll lift you up, and on to greater things we go. he builds us up through every test. a test of faith, of hope or love. and even though we know its okay to fail the test, we still strive for the very best.

lets un-entangle the mess, lets make it all work. slowly but surely... every knot will be untied, every string loose, and once again... we can start anew.

he created tommorow for us. a brand new day.

"and let me water it with tears from my heart."

Someone

When you first found love,
Was it all that you had wanted
For a thousand lonely years
Was the memory so sweet

Now your scented touch brings me
Back to the enchanted
All shadows fade away,
The gypsy is complete

Someone is walking beside me
Someone is waiting till I say yes I do
Someone is living inside me
Giving me all that I need and I need you

Someone to cry on my shoulder
I just want to stay here forever
From the secret pool,
Did I stare at your reflection
Let the water wash away all the battle
From my soul
For the bride of spring,
Do I swear to your protection
Today will be the day that never shall
Grow old

Silence broken and the blackbird is free
Only your voice can I hear, speak to me

i know that having e chance would have been much more than any wish fulfilled.

right now, i could drown myself in a thousand pails of water...
and i feel myself gasping for life
really.. my smile can't hide it, neither can my eyes.
i am a wreck.. a huge wreck... and i don't know happinness when i see it
i miss all that i have.....

i let my insecurities get the better of me...
when i should have believed.
but nothing... except God can turn back time now....
even if i wished for it.

really, maybe i'm not worth the trouble...

"nothing is a problem, its just that we don't know the answer yet"

And it came out of nowhere, right out of my mouth, and it perfectly summed up whatever that happens....

i feel really idiotic, crappy... and this is one thing i'm going to blame myself for.
that i let myself get the better of me, and.. all i can say is sorry.

The dawn is breaking
A light shining through
You're barely waking
And I'm tangled up in you

I'm open, your closed
Where I'll follow you'll go
I worry I won't see your face
Light up again

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme
Out of the doubt that fills my mind
I somehow find you and I collide

I'm quiet you know
You make a first impression
I've found I'm scared to know
I'm always on your mind

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the stars refuse to shine
Out of the back you fall in time
Somehow find you and I collide

Don't stop here
I lost my place
I'm close behind

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme
Out of the doubt that fills your mind
You finally find you and I collide

one . two . three .
goes streaming... down...

i guess... i really don't know why i woke up at 6:07am today...
something probably burdens enough me not to sleep enough over it.
that even darkness might wake me....

perhaps the whirr of my thoughts just seem to stir me into life.
as my emotions run wild, my dreams cannot wander.
and what can i say this morning...?

dreams are dreams only when they work out in perfection.
while nightmares just seem to go wrong with every step you take.
i find myself captured in a single frame.

today.. i'm stuck in time, stuck in darkness. stuck in 6.07am.

If i could metaphorise everything.....

high expectations would be the clouds, and low expectations be the dirt on the ground. The sun would be Him, and space would be the limits of our imagination.... e flowers would be the little blessings that bloom every spring. e sea would be the sorrows... and all the deep dark mysteries it would hold. te animals would e different character traits that exists, in all shapes, sizes, some of which have gone extinct. the grass would be love, abundant in some areas yet missing in others, while man's ideas would be symbolised by our cities and how we've continually destroyed what we live in.

and those are some thoughts out of a chapter in my mind today.

If God has made your cup sweet, drink it with grace. If He has made it bitter, drink it in communion with Him. If the providential order of God for you is a hard time of difficulty, go through with it but never choose the scene of your martyrdom. God chose the crucible for Abraham and Abraham made no demur; he went steadily through. If you are not living in touch with Him; it is easy to pass a crude verdict on God. You must go through the crucible before you have any right to pronounce a verdict, because in the crucicble you learn to know God better. God is working for the highest ends until His purpose and man's purpose become one.
An excerpt from "Sam" A mother's journey of faith.

and now another chapter of my own book.
perhaps life... has struck me hard, and i continually find myself turning the wrong corner. When i want something the most, it never is there... and perhaps my focus must change. as Connie Chung talks about needs vs wants in Econs tutorial class... i have to ask myself the same question, is my dream is just a want and not a need? And high expectations always get you disappointed whilst low ones are just not worth having. i chase the dream in hope that i'll get what i want.. and perhaps that is the most selfish thought i've had my entire life. why am i not helping others achieve their dreams, dreams so much simpler and so much easier to fulfill... why am i chasing my own dream? Why is it that I am chasing my own happiness? Even whilst i involve myself in Grant A Wish... Do i not realise my own dismeanour. I am ashamed... Even at Chess Elections, i ask myself what i do there. that even as Special Projects Head, i am doomed to fail because i believe in giving. I am nothing but a hypocrite. Its never about me.
And even in such a short while, i miss myself so much.

And the main thing that strikes me now is how much i've left my heart for those that really need it, right inside me... when it should be.. once again ... "a heart in my hand"; always being ready to give it to someone else.

and there i stand waiting... just waiting... for you who needs its most...
and there i'll stand waiting, my purpose complete, my life fulfilled....
and there i'll stand no more.... because i'm home...

today..

today...
is moving day....

perhaps i do have to blog today... as my thought patterns stress me out, and as it whirls in circles.
i must wonder, and truly wonder if i am happy.
and i must ask myself.. what if i'm not? what then?

i'm feeling a little off colour right now.
a little wrong, and i don't know why....

that vunerability strikes me hard.. and i don't know how to fend it off.
how can i explain why i did something? i wonder if all of you would understand
or would u look at me and never understand me...
that it was perhaps, the most irrational thing to do.
and i can't deny that.

how long can i remain in a state such as this....
feeling all cooped up in my own world.
i rather not keep anything inside... but there doesn't seem to be an open door.
and i have to wait, and let it slowly seep through the crevices, and cracks in e wall.

and here u see a glimpse of the emotional, the struggling side of me...
the side with all my weaknesses, and e scars from my previous falls.
i can't keep up that smile all the time...
because i just can't... as e corners of my mouth struggles to prop itself up...
i'd have to say, i might just let it go.

i feel that... i can't really walk on much further.
with such pride and such poise... because little by little... that dream of mine is breaking apart...

and it is a jumble of thoughts, with no particular direction, or particular order.
its random... but yet it might speak volumes of whats inside.

me and sylvia! she's.... gone.... to canada.... =(

 

its been a while since i wrote a post...
tomorrow is Chess Elections and i'm thinking of using this line...

"Save The Dolphins" .. i shall make a sign
then i shall say...
"If i'm willing to sacrifice myself and this elections just to save the dolphins, you can be sure i'd be willing to sacrifice myself for all of you!"

okay so i'm already telling you all what i'm going to do....
guess i just spoilt my election campaign! -shrugs-

today...anyway, i did a lot of thinking... its a wonder.
how i manage to queue up all my thoughts and process them one by one when time permits.
just like now....
school is probably running a little too fast, and i find myself missing small little details as the days go by... i find myself lagging behind just understanding concepts, struggling with the rhythm... think i'm a little slow.
i don't even have time to savour emotions as they pass me by, or sit and ponder over thoughts like that statue called "the thinker" or "the thinking man".... and how u wish u were encapsulated in rock, where time stood still for you, and nothing ever ended... i personally view it as such a symbolic figure. representing so much of what we humans are.
we, are beings of thoughts, of intellect, of feelings.
yet... how do we let our animal instincts take over as we strive for genetic perfection, or why do we challenge ourselves all the time to break free of our limits, and perhaps reach levels we are not capable of. why do we struggle all the time? can't we just be free.... to do what we want.. to be what we wanna be, to live life like we are meant to?

"God holds me in his armsss" is the quote of the day
and that is something i would like to tell everyone i know.

"To the Ancients, Friendship seemed the happiest and most fully human of all loves; the crown of life and the school of virtue. The modern world, in comparison, ignores it. We admit of course that besides a wife and family a man needs a few 'friends'. But the very tone of the admission, and the sort of acquaintanceships which those who make it would describe as 'friendships', show clearly that what they are talking about has very little to do with that Philia which Aristotle classified among the virtues or that Amicitia on which Cicero wrote a book."

C.S. Lewis

The intense emotional and affective relationships described in the past as "non-sexual" cannot be said to exist today: modern heterosexual men can be buddies, but unless drunk they cannot touch each other, or regularly sleep together. They cannot affirm that an emotional affective relationship with another man is the centrally important relationship in their lives. It is not going too far, is it, to claim that friendship – if used to translate Greek philia or Latin amicitia – hardly exists among heterosexual men in modern Western society."

Paul Hasell (interesting, he attributes it to Homosexuality)

A number of colloquial terms have been used to describe friendship and the context in which a friendship is fostered. These are briefly described below.
A friend who supports others only when it is easy and convenient to do so is called a "fair-weather friend".
A friend who sticks by you through thick and thin is a "true friend".
A friend with whom you are sexually intimate but don't consider yourself to be dating is said to be a "casual relationship". This is also referred to as being "friends with benefits".
A "best friend" is a friend to whom one feels closest (the relationship normally having to be reciprocal). A best friend may be of the same sex or of the opposite sex.

"No one has greater love than this, to lay down one's life for one's friends."(John 15:13)

1. being not self-conscious.
its really hard.. yet you really appreciate people that are not-self conscious. because they really let themselves go.... and really...you wish u didn't have to live by any rules, or governed by any social stigmata. basically you're free!

2. making friends.
i really look around and wonder why i can even bother to tell myself to say hi and bye to so many people.

now, throw down the gauntlet to me, cos i'm ready for it.

i might stumble over every stone, and hurt both my knees, i might throw up into the drain, or bang my head... but... at the end of the day, i'll pick myself up. walk on. and tell myself.....
my spirit is still complete.

making time..

making time....
if i could, i would make time out of nowhere, i would stretch the hour till it was unstretchable.
having all the time in the world really gives you limitless boundaries.

if i had all the time in the world,
"perhaps i'd involve myself with everything and with everyone."

but i don't. and so i have to choose.
"as long as it is within the moral law of God, your decision is not wrong, and is encompassed in your perfect plan as well as His perfect plan"

-a spoonful of sugar makes the medicine go down!-

medicine is not enough.
you need the spoon, and you need the sugar.

i'm sitting in school, waiting to go to Chen Su Lan Methodist Home.
Really, today has passed by in a flash....
In the morning, well Econs lecturer, my fellow church member, Roland Cheo really is a great lecturer... he brings across his bubbly side so effectively, his enthusiasm just consumes the LT!
then it was back to studying... i got my lab... slot. lab 34. which is gd, on the same time and day as the rest of them.... at least. =) things never get too bad around here.

guess everyone is starting to feel school and the stress it brings.
i feel it too, though probably not as bad as many others.
After the REALLY REALLY long break of about 2.5 years.. really, i'm more than happy to get back to studying.
Army really invokes discipline into you.... that though matter how slack you get, there's always work to be done... and it gets easier to set aside a little time for it, every single day.
Juggling everything isn't easy, especially making time for ample rest each and every day.
But ultimately, i will...
its like how you always take time to settle into things, and once u do, things become a lot less stressful, and you cope with the quickened rhythm of things, and the extra workload. We all need to adjust and adapt... into our natural pace of things. i'm still trying to.

I just wish...
if i could be granted one wish...
that it'd be for you!

on Sunday, one of my best friends is leaving for canada... and how much am i going to miss her...
i'd feel the void she'd leave while she's there...

what is true friendship...?
"keeping each other in your heart"
"growing seperately, without growing apart"
"knowing someone will be there for you"
"someone thats true to you, and never afraid to look stupid in font of you"
"trust, understanding and love"
"someone that knows you really well"
and last but not least...
"someone who understand my sorrows, shares my joy,
withstand my whines, and appreciate my laughter. "

Where else would my heart be, but in my hand....
so i could give it to you.

smile. cos it makes me happy.

"I can teach you things,
but I can't make you learn.
I can give you directions,
but I can't always lead you.
I can allow you freedom,
but I can't account for it.
I can teach you right from wrong,
but I can't decide for you.
I can offer you advice,
but I can't accept it for you.
I can buy you beautiful clothes,
but I can't make you beautiful inside."

my JSS Class 06'

"a message worth remembering,
a lifestyle worth following,
a life worth emulating "

the 6 attitudes (a Homily)

4.6.1 Be anxious for nothing
4.6.2 but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your
requests be made known to God
4.8 And if there is anything praiseworthy, meditate on these things
4.13 I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me
3.13 But one thing i do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead
1.6 being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ.

Reflecting on all these things, i know i'm guilty of not following the first one at times... in fact a lot.... and so on to the next few... urm urm.. well i would say i've got lots of potential to improve... in fact we all do.

as my church begins its 40 Days of Purpose... "Find your purpose in life" Course, i would like to invite all my dear blog readers to join in. pick a day, monday to sunday, and well come to learn more... well find out more, find out more about your purpose on earth, or perhaps the purpose God has for you in your life.

Starts on 10th Sept, Lasts for 6-7 Weeks. Venue : Varies
Contact Matt at 81818335. Singapore Residents only, unless you want to Skype. =)

A little bit more on today. Was a great day, one of my JSS kids' parents commented how she'd miss me so much when she'd graduate from JSS at the end of this year. I can't take the emotional heartbreak.. really, she's a gem. She listens to everything i say, tells me everything, and really lives a life focused on God, intertwines her life with prayer. And she is definitely a blessing to me. I can just remember bribing her with chocolates and ice cream and sweets and free treats. Juz Kidding. But teaching the same class for 2 years.... i think we have many memories to hold on to, being such a small class.... i have only 6 people... and i think all of them have grown in their own ways. despite the one that really hardly turns up.
Secondly, i went early to church today. And just as well, as someone needed to talk to me, and it was a perfect opportunity... just the 2 of us were around... Its nice to have people come up to you and ask for your opinion. It takes a lot of humility. I guess we went into an entire spiral of things. And it ended up with purpose. And i was quite amazed to see myself talking about purpose because it is something that just "snapped" into my head. And it wasn't just in the purpose of life context like people normally use it in... but like something that applies more to him. Purpose in church, purpose for God. And we must just remember this, that we might be totally out of place, we might be the odd one out, we even might be the one that has little support from friends in our spiritual walk. But if thats your purpose. (from God) Just know that its where u should be... and it'll all work out end of the day. and know that you have been a wonderful testimony for Him.
You might be the only Christian among free thinkers, you might be the only uncharismatic person among the conservatives, and vice versa, etc... but we never know the reason.. but there is a reason.

we are called because we are needed.

And we love because he first loved us.

"Child-like Faith" takes on new meanings here.
Have you ever wondered... if Faith, Hope and Love were the first 3 words in your vocabulary?

i wish i could have time to just slow everything down and do the things that mean something to me or others.

it was Dillon's Birthday Party.

His parents thanked us for being his friends.
Yet i myself know how much i've put into the friendship.
Having seen and known him every sunday for all my life is not enough.
Just once a week? i would feel bad if they know that.
All my 21 years of my life, i was too busy juggling everything else to really develop the friendship... partly cos he's so quiet.
But we had our moments, apparently i'm still one of the closer ones/ or closest to him in the whole entire group!
he doesn't feel 21 anyway, he feels much younger, and he's going through changes...
he wants to change his character and personality. he's learning a lot from people around him now.

have to rush off to church now =)
its 715am. Its early.

Wishing the days passed by slower so i could take time to smell the roses.

Someone said "life is short" just a few days ago.
I'd encourage you to then watch "life is beautiful"

cos it is. and it is because of you, and the difference u've made.

a poem.

you, your smile,
and mine.
indescribable, undeniable,
like sweet sparkling wine;

how i long, just to see you,
every little single part,
and with every morning due,
mine's just waiting to start.

you, your smile
and mine,
dreamy, yet refreshing
like sweet sparkling wine.

-they say "a glass of wine protects the ageing heart" - Reuters Health

raw emotions are dangerous!!! Beware.

hmm... perhaps more heartfelt comments today.

don't really feel like talking much cos i don't really know what to say these days.
i kinda feel a little out of point?
hmm.. its usually about what u do in school, n really for me its quite different from all of you. like well u're all doing stuff together.
walking down similar paths, but not me?
its expected.. i guess. ya.. but what should i do when it happens?
doesn't really exactly feel like home now.
run away huh....to another place?
i'm the needle in e haystack.. oh thats not right. well like a thorn among the roses. and even that is taken out of context.
golly i feel so out of the loop.
things change when things transit.... transition periods are never easy.
i really dun feel like writing this down here.
i wonder how much it takes.

raw emotions are just dangerous words.

and its not that i want things to change after writing this, i'm just pondering what i should do. haha.. i think, when u got time to think, ur sensitivity tends to kick in and really mixes up things.
u know like i always say. whatever will be, will be.

when dreams fade away...

when ur eyes sparkle at the reflection of the early morning sun,
and the birds chirp outside your window...
ur mind seems to wander, away from the splashing waterfall.
where everything is serene, and calm, and u feel at peace.
where wind and water are in equilibrium, and u feel the totality of nature.
u breathe in the fresh smells of plant sap, and the dew glistens in the sunlight.
there is no sweltering heat here, rather a chilly wind that warms.
around you, are not buildings, but flower fields and green meadows.
apparently "grass is truly greener on the other side"

when your mum shouts "do u have lecture today?"
it all seems to fade, gone is the water, the sun, the grass, and all of God's creation. and what is left is nothing but a huge mosaic of man-made objects; my computer, the bed, the desk, luggage, cupboards and a tv set. i try to engulf my sorrows within my pillow, yet that is not refuge either. i dread waking up for school, seeing ourselves in the final chapter of our lives.
we are no more hot, neither are we cold, rather we are the lukewarm church.
isn't that enough of a nightmare?
that we can see and read about ourselves in all understanding and know what we lack, yet never strive to reach God's level of perfection...

Remember if you would rate yourself, with the ground being the origin, and your y-axis which represents how good you are extending upwards, where would you be? would you reach the heavens? and i'm talking in graphs already. how distracting can school be.

so when dreams start to fade, can you still see heaven?

if u cling on to righteousness, u will be righteousness, and u will spread righteousness to those around you.
if u cling on to love, u will be love, and u will spread love to those around you.
if u cling on to God, you will be his messenger, and u will spread him to those around you.
and lastly, if you cling on to yourself, u will just be yourself, and u might try to spread yourself to those around you, but that'll not work
And u'll never experience those around you...

Remember in one body.

"what can i say when things bother me?"

a key assumption of most economic analysis is that people act rationally, meaning they act in their own self interests

if someone slaps you on the right cheek, do you let him slap you on the left?

i can't place it?
i can't understand it
i can't handle conflicting thoughts.

if things could be perfect, when would imperfection come from?

why do things change?
why can't everything just stay the same?
then perhaps i wouldn't have to wonder what would come up next.

we really have to adopt the herd mentality as we start school, especially in NUS.
i've mentioned in time and time again, and i will not leave any of my friends behind as we strive for gd grades, as we strive to graduate.
we shall all help one another out... because that is what we are all friends for.

i like today.. today is a day of understanding..
thanks shifeng, for offering me the post of secretary
i'll be e best i can =)

i'm really trying to cultivate good habits.
sleeping early, prefably before 12, studying everyday... reading up a little at least.
i'm trying to enjoy it. i know its going to be hard. but i'm getting used to it.

today it came out on the new paper that abigail from "under one roof" is actually a guy... who went for a sex change operation. and really.. i'm pretty shocked myself.
reminds me of my friend. u really have to wonder how it gets to that level.

today's quote of the day from me : "University notes are like A levels notes, only more confusing. "

i'm really kinda tired now... i really wanna do somethings but time doesn't permit it. i find myself trying to squash different "things to do" on the same day, or one after another without any breaks in between... i really wish i had more time, or perhaps that time might settle for me... Comm Service tomorrow, but i want to study also, and then there is Amun-Ra Lunch, plus lectures... heh... don't really know if i can cope. but! when there's a will, there will be a way! and there always is a way. cos Jesus is the way!


i hope u get better by the way...

i really wish the best for everyone right now....

we'll all make it together, and when we roll back the years... in all our graduation gowns, we can all say.. "we ran the race together" and that is what is important, that we all pulled each other through it all, and never left anyone behind...

i'll always have time to hear you out...
i'll always have the effort to keep you company...
i will always be there when you need me...
that i can promise to each and everyone of you that knows me.
its not that i have all the time in the world...
but its just that you are all much more important than all the world to me.
this i promise you.

today, is my 1st day of school....
i sometimes feel i have so much to look forward to.
=) this wasn't e case in my JC. perhaps struggling alone, with only my 2 crutches to support me wasn't really easy...
maybe it would have been better if i had just threw it away and relied on God's strength alone. maybe that would have worked
but we all learn from our mistakes, and ultimately, we can still stand up, walk....
and we can see the truth. (just like the lame man and the blind man)

we're not blind physically, but spiritually.
when can we all look around and take immerse ourselves in the spiritual world that lies next to us, within us, and all around us?

a double whammy of emails just came my way...
and i guess, i have very conflicting thoughts right now...
one is an encouraging email, encouraging me on with my life, the other is perhaps one to lament about things, but yet things that i understand and perhaps have my own fair share of views and opinions about.


lets start with laments.. we must always ready our heart before we praise and worship, and glorify God anyway.
And before that, we must thank Him for all that he has done...
So, i guess i have a lot to be thankful for. That despite what i have done, mistakes, misgivings, taking the wrong path, making the wrong decisions. Well, somehow there is still a lot of light at the end of the tunnel. And that is realy what has been happening alot to me, all throughout my life. Getting distracted and losing focus of my goals in life. Yet i still manage to achieve those goals. Making a mistake and perhaps still knowing it didn't affect anything, really tells me its nothing short of a miracle....
so well... i guess talking about the people in my church, how perhaps they're just brought up/grown to be a certain way. and how they don't really seem to fit in with what you would expect of a christian. we are not perfect isn't the excuse we always can offer ourselves or others. perhaps in my church, u can see how those who have grown up together really stay very close. so close perhaps they really forget the others around them. they intertwine their lives, their spiritual walks so beautifully with each other, attuning themselves to one another. Just looking at it from the outside really makes u marvel at what they have. then u start thinking what happened to you? and we have our own paths to walk down. we might not have that kinda support that they have. but we have our own faith, and own walk. which might be even more powerful. i hafta admit i wish our church was more outward looking, or even just more friendly to outsiders. i would like to wish there was a day i'd had no worries just asking my friend to go to service himself, and know that others would take care of him, even when i'm busy with sunday school. but i always ask myself, is that possible? i don't know if what i do is correct sometimes, perhaps i'm too guilty of not being friendly, not saying "hi" to people.
end of the day though, i really can't say anything.
i really don't know why its like that, must have their reasons..
ultimately, the choices we make are our own. Even if the entire world does not reach out to you, u still have that choice to make. Harsh.
But well there's always God. unlike any other person, perfect. omnipotent, omniscient, omnipresent, etc. thats our light! thats e lamp in e room. self powered. etc.

honestly, i've felt down, i've felt happy just being my church....
i see myself drawing many parallels to what my sister feels so i can understand all that. =) ya i guess we're not alone. and slowly, but surely, i am finding people attuned to me, seeing our purpose in Him.
ultimately i know i must be happy just living my life. lets all look on the positive sides. perhaps we might have to shut an eye to all those discouragements we get.
and just get encouraged by things that really warm you.

so brings me to the next email.
haha. correction. i don't have many friends. i am just there when they need me. so don't envy me. cos really its not me, whatever i am is not because of me. well just ask God. i am just but a pawn. he moulds me, shapes me, etc! u know it too, don't all of you. okay tts enough about that email.. but thanks. haha thanks for letting me know i'm an encouragement. well by encouraging me, u have been an encouragement as well... and "and the gift goes on... the father gave the son, and the gift goes on, the son gave the spirit, and the gift goes on, the spirit gave us life, so we can give the gift of love"

oh btw, pls share ur thoughts if any about everything =) we can all grow and learn.

honestly, i'm really feeling the stress that comes with uni life.
just trying to work out your timetable is bad enough, then, trying to learn and familiarise urself with all the websites, all the different systems... it kinda takes its toll on you. nothing seems very certain, and i'm the kind of person that perhaps likes to be sure of what is happening.. like, i asked them to change my class! and they kinda did, but it doesn't show up on the website! so i'm kinda worried... and small things like that. like i think i got an inner fear that the web might mess up, might break down. i wouldn't trust it with my notes.
=) Rag day was fun, though my dad had to disrupt it...
but nvm, end of the day, nothing really important was affected.
the bbq was fun too, but i guess i really was too tired to try to talk to people. especially when they're all joking around and things like that. its easier to just watch and get entertained =)

i find myself talking so much about relationships to everyone i meet in the near past, in the near present, and in the near future...
are we at the age where it has become so important to us?
I guess, it is a good time.. When else would you have so much time just to get to know that person well, where you'll have so many opportunities just to meet up and talk, or see each other around... we're at an age where family life becomes more important to us, and there is a shift of focus, away from studies, away from friends, into the future, into the next phase of your life.

Just today, i told someone "its not about how good/great the guy/girl is, but how happy you are together, that is what makes things successful"
I guess that came up, as we were talking about our church friends and peers. How some people are just so popular in church... although its usually more often than not, a superficial thing. how the best looking guys/girls are the ones that everyone always likes. and the rest just fall into anonymity... such an elistist society.. it surprises me..

i guess hearing that they're not together anymore really just hurts my view of him. that ultimately, all that we strive for to be as christian just falls back into what we all see on the surface. okay, so u became more gd looking as u grew up. okay so u have all the girls at your feet now. okay... so what? u just picked the better girl as she came along? how disappointing. i hope u do find out what u really want =), we don't need to hurt people along the path of discovery.

such strong feelings. i need assurance that perhaps my dream might come true. is it possible that u and everyone else might think others better urself? that u're not too good for anyone else, rather that everyone else is better than you? Only then will i truly respect u for who u are. humility is something that can't be taught, only learnt. we all have to fall and pick ourselves up again to realise what monsters we once were.

Elitism is a belief or attitude that elites, a selected group of persons whose personal abilities, wealth, specialised training or other attributes place them at the top of any field, conveying a less rational and more purely arrogant sense of entitlement to better treatment owing to wealth, social standing, etc.

Love.. we almost remember the love we have for one another, not the anger, not the hate, not the jealousy... we love each other for who they are, children of God.

 

NDP Preview 06 - Fireworks 

NDP... we got free transparent umbrellas, exclusive to those who sat in the top 3 rows of the stadium. that was because we sat right at the top... right next to the fireworks. and was it awesome.. we had brillant views, not just of the stadium, but of the fireworks itself. we could feel the ash raining down on us, smell the smoke, watch them explode from beneath our feet.. while we were all trying to hide under those transparent umbrellas and shoot videos/take photos at the same time.
it was really a great experience... the company was great. Ally, Addy and Reynard.
there was always something to talk about.. well thats cos ally is just so chatty =) haha.. ya..! but we had a lot of fun just making the noise...
i'll post photos soon.....

i guess today.. it just scares me how people i know might just drift out of ur life so easily... today i saw yvonne at NDP. what a coincidence and we shared a really nice photo between us. ya... she was sitting 3 rows down. just remember how we were so close during CSC camp. but just drifted after that.. just like most of my other group members in CSC. then there's Ally, who might be leaving for NTU accountancy soon, and well... why can't just things last forever....? why can't everything last forever.. i guess i'm in a slightly skeptical mood right now. why can't things always have a happy ending?

goes back to my dreamy persona... and well...
despite our living in this world, we can always dream, we can always hope.. for dreams to come true.
isn't that wat its always like for me...

NDP

Its National Day today!
and i'm going for NDP later.
But Happy Birthday Singapore!

Know why birthdays are so important?
Because its your special day... =)
and because people make it special...

=so so, cliched. of cos its more than that=

i dun really understand why people all like to go for so many camps and meet so many diff people...
especially all from the same place..
its like popular culture all over again.
not that i'm saying its bad/good.
but i just don't really understand it.. and its kinda frustrating me a little at the moment.

=the other side of me=

=) i wonder if happiness lasts forever.
but we must find it first...

orientation has been so busy....
i wish there was more free time,
really, perhaps to get on with more important things in my life
i wish we had all the time in e world
to enjoy the things we love so much.

=) but God has a way of doing things.

can't o week end! i really wish it did.
haha, maybe its because i didn't sign up for it and i feel i'm missing out terribly.

panel 01

  

sis birthday present 06 =)

  

7th August - 2 days from NDP

its funny. how u get surprised in small little ways...
when i loaded this page, the page transited, with a star shape!
and well... whoever did that small little addition really brightened up my day...
God works in miraculous ways, and just yesterday while fetching a friend's friend home, her favourite song played on my car radio (on shuff mode, 132 songs). And really... i guess it was meant to brighten her day.

this week is O-week, and having chosen not to sign up, am kinda regretting it now!
i think it'll be quite a lot of fun, rather than just slacking at home. yeah.. but too all my friends out there, i still wish u the most fun ever. wish i could be there with you guys.

so many things are happening lately.. well.. a significant one will be sylvia leaving for studies in mcGill in a few weeks.. one friend that i can never forget. i'm really going to miss her. really really miss her. and really... i'm really sad she's gone for 9 months. always been a pillar of support in my life. think her bf will miss her even more though.. and i guess we both wish she'd stay. but =) i can only look forward to when she comes back, all exposed to foreign culture, and having the fun of her life.

birthday presents are piling up. but sometimes its because i don't really know what to say to them. things feel a little empty at times, and i get no inspiration to give any gift. but i'll wait till it comes though. need to share God's love with everyone.


Anyway, Acqua is a brillant OG isn't it.. though u see people drifting a little as we all get more busy and preoccupied. just yesterday i couldn't go with them to watch the fireworks. and this week, everyone is at o-week. how are we going to meet up! one thing i realised just growing up, is that we'll still remain friends because of the memories we share, not because of what things are like now. we can always take cheer from what we had before. while we all move on, we cannot forget what we've left behind.
thats what reunions are all about, to reignite the little sparks in every relationship we have among our old friends.

i really wonder if my feelings change too fast sometimes. i know it doesn't happen all the time. there are instances where i've had the same feeling all my life. perhaps its the experiences i've gone through. u speed through things that might hurt you. and u slow down to savour the ones that warm you. yet only God knows why. he knows the reason behind every single little thing that happens. and we can just trust him. i guess what faith has thought me and shown me is that there are things i can hold on to, all my life. and i want to hold on to you in the same way as well.
we live without regrets, knowing that every step we take is a step forward, and not backwards. that is our direction in life...

"I'm looking for love this time
Sounding hopeful but it's making me cry
This love is a mystery
Mr. Curiosity

Love is blinding when your timing's never right
Oh but who am I to beg for difference
Finding love in a just an instance
But I don't mind
at least I tried, well I tried... "

=) this family friend just gave me a HP notebook.. a really good one...
WOW.. and he invited me to morten's of chicago's for dinner some day.
generous people like him, really do not come that often. yet i'm glad to know i can call upon them whenever i need help or a favour, and i hope so that when i grow old too, i can be that generous person always willing to do, always willing to give.
=) today was my sis' birthday celebrations... i skipped watching FOP to go for it.. though i really wish i could go for FOP. i really hope its good. but dinner was great too. there was this wonderful dessert. a warm chocolate cake filled with liquid chocolate...
WOW right...

precious thoughts beget precious memories...

i'll make it all worthwhile

hmmm =) well... its been a hectic few days
tomorrow is my sis' birthday and i have a present for her, at which photos will go up tomorrow. not now, in case she sees my blog, don't wanna spoil the surprise.
well... with everything going on around me, its still a wonder how i can pause to smell the flowers, and take in air.
i'm really thankful to God for so many things... he has blessed me in so many ways.
as we start on the 40 days of purpose, perhaps each person's faith will grow ever so strongly, and maturely. i really do hope that happens
on another note... things are changing so much
just like today... as i attended a pri 6 class reunion.. my friend/classmate, charles has officially changed his name to charlotte. and i don't know what to say really.
what can i say really...?
wish i could go FOP tomorrow. but i can't cos of my sis' birthday.
i'm trying hard to figure out how to juggle everything... but its really hard.
can't wait for things to settle down, and to get into the rhythm of things.

e present

ahhhhh.... i had to accidentally crack the glass.
clumsy me!
it was going quite well, not the nicest, but well...fun, and original enough.
and i was cleaning away some paint and i accidentally cracked the glass!
sigh well its not exactly serious because it doesn't ruin the thing, its just that added well flaw in the whole thing. u can't see it if u stare directly at it, but from an angle it shows up... i don't have any spare glass, so i guess that'll have to do. kinda disappointed i'm so careless.
i think i also "hua she tian zhu" a lot of times also. heh!
but okay, its the effort and the thought that counts!
not the little mistakes that show up.
oh and there's a little cool 3d effect.
okay if there's any way that anyone knows how to remove the crack from the glass, or like concealing it, please offer your advice!

wow. it might be...

(fill in e blanks)

give me oil in my lamp, keep my burning, burning, burning!
shuling... i wish i were in the same class as you...
i appeal. use social stability as my excuse to change class. haha =)

well wherever i go, God has a plan.
there is no mountain too high, he cannot climb it, there is no river too wild, he cannot calm it, there is no problem so big, he cannot solve it... there is no obstacle so huge, he cannot remove it!

aww... sigh! sigh! sigh! sigh! x Sigh! sigh! sigh! sigh! sigh!
why am i in a different group from all the other EVE acqua people!! i wannt be in the same group as them... really...
first u learn that all my Chem Engine friends i made during the camp are taking quite different modules from the Environmental Engine people.
then u learn that all ur EVE people are in the same group, without you!
really... sigh.. i really wonder what God has in store for me now.
another blessing in disguise.
sometimes u really can't help but wonder...

kinda stressed, frustrated, dejected now... but i can always take strength, courage from many other things.... really God rules!

hope alone might save me.

yesterday... massive blackout at my house... from 12am to 9am.
i really couldn't sleep much, i kept waking up, in sweat, in the raw heat of the night that had no breezes... i opened my windows to no avail, even the stars seem to lend their warmth. it was hot, oh so hot.
my parents woke up to try to fix the problem, i already tried, but it couldn't be fixed. so at 9am the tech walked in, and replace the entire main switch in the switch board... ao much for all the money of Singaporean Entrepreneurs, we should improve the simple switch and make it more reliable.
well.. i guess in all the darkness and stillness of the night, i really got to experience how cooped up i felt in my room. that without electricity, really there isn't anything to do. this morning, as soon as i could, i walked out... and took a short walk, washed my car, and directed a nice parent to the school office. and it really felt refreshing. and this is where the introverted side of me kicks in. the side of me which perhaps wants to do things myself, yet brightens up at the slightest hint of a smile coming my way... so many people have such beautiful smiles, and it says so much about them. i said before... the smile is what would attract me to a person.. and it just lights up my day. =)
u too.. u have a wonderful, alluring smile. keep it that way. God gave it to you, cherish it.

ahh today was a good day.
haha.. i have really lousy technique swimming free-style.
today i think for every 10 laps i did, dan/tim could do 11 in the same time.
heh well dan is a canoeist that takes part in half marathons and all.. so maybe thats not too bad either =)
well ya we went ikea. i bought like 6-7 frames... stock up, when the need arises. i'll be ready.
tomorrow is matric day. i saw my timetable, how can i have 7 core modules? tts absurd. how am i going to take my SARTORS, GEMS, SS... -in shock- don't really know what is happening. they should give better briefings. SIGH! i don't know whats happening for my course, but it seems that perhaps i'm going to have a busy first sem.
but really.. well =) everything will work out well in the end...
ya! 7 modules? no problem.. shall still work hard and try to do well.
kinda wondering right now.. what happens... think tomorrow's bidding will shed a lot of light on the entire thing. =) i really do hope i do settle in well. i really do hope so.

-in God we trust-

aww... sigh i was looking through the modules/timetables for EV.
its not really that similar to the CHE people... wonder what happens now..
plus, even people like shuling and wee will be exempted from about 70-80% of the modules... hmm...
What's more i'm thinking of taking a minor in religious studies, urban studies, cultural studies or even business. then how....? my lectures are tutorials gonna be so different from so many of my friends....
=( really. must consider things very carefully now.

on another note, my bro might be returning to Singapore in the end...
hurray.. well.. realise for my parents, they disagree on so many things, inclduing that point.. and i wish they wouldn't, even though i want my brother to return.
been thinking about it, and ultimately, family will still be the most important thing in my life(after God). now, and also in the future...

today, swimming with tim/dan, then going to ikea...
tim offers all his friends up to you when you get to know him.
thats one of the most self-sacrificial things i've ever seen =)

Wonderful Thoughts

and i've got starch in my hair.. well its fun though.. getting ur hands all full of warm starch and slapping it on newspaper and pasting it to the tree like a giant paper marche. =)

goose just called up.. and he said "hey, how are you?"
i was shocked... purely shocked. he never does that. he usually calls up over something, like another person's birthday or something like an event. well he's one of my good friends though... really good friends. but i was quite shocked because it was so out of the blue. then he said "oh u messaged me last week when i didn't come for soccer to meet up for dinner someday!" and i go to myself.. "oh YA!" well.. anyway he called to plan a dinner. but bad timing, not really free.. and when i'm free, he's not really free.. -shucks- well.. i think he's going to be rich someday. he's actively into business already and has made a small fortune by our standards (as in for 21 yr olds). well he knows i'm not into business, nor am i into money. yet its nice that he's sharing his business ambitions with me, not as a businessman, but as a friend! =) i think he might employ me someday and really take very good care of me. well ever since knowing him since sec2, its been very much rocky.. we have different friends, we have common friends, and very different paths but ... i guess its over such a long time that the friendship has developed. its the most mature friendship i have... honestly. we're very much like adults, and we talk about families, about work next time, about our futures, about our characters and experiences... and really... i just thank God once again =) i guess... both of us have really outgrown many of our other friends... its amazing...
to goose... -cheers- and God Bless. and to our future endeavours.

today.. i went to nus to make the grant-a-wish tree.
heh it was tiring, i felt quite useless after 3 hours.
really admire the rest who kept on labouring on.
we have three trees. i did one. well half of it or less than tt.
=) well so looking forward to it happening... think the comm is a really fun bunch of people...
anyway met up with tim and weijie before i left nus. they're so lucky that they're going in with each other... i don't really know anyone that is doing the same course as me as well yet. well guess i have chem engine people and acqua people to keep me company. thinking of taking religious studies as a minor for my course. wondering who else would do that too.
markers are a little ambigous for me at the moment. those little red flags that God puts out for you. hmm... i really wonder sometimes, i don't really see where they're heading. where they're going to lead me to. in fact i don't really even know where i'm at right now, in so many things... =) not sure if things might change, things might stay the same, so many maybes.. its worrying.

sometimes u'd rather things be sure, rather than wonder what will happen...
now lemme plant that wish on that tree of mine... after all. wishes do come true =)
and i'm not too old to make a wish am i?
we're never too old.

"que Sera, Sera, Whatever will be, will be"

God loves.