matt links

matt needs to link to this blog.....
YAG-pls go visit.
i'll update about my life soon... for now...
yup bfec-yag blog...
yup... stay tuned.

e title

e title of my journal is so lame and sounds like suicidial but like haha
its called " journal of my sorrows"

journaling.

thought i continue journalling, its been a while...
so this blog will stop production for a week plus or i'll update it once a week
if u want, u can ask to read my journal =) yupp.
and like ya i will let ...

hey i'm bored

now's a gd time to ask me out.
i'm getting bored haha

challenge huh!

Instructions of the tag: Given a topic, you are to write down your answers in your blog, and then send the same topic to 5 other people. Write down the names of these 5 people and link to them on your blog. Go visit their blogs to notify them that they are tagged. The 5 people who are tagged should, in their own blogs, write down the name and the link of the person who tagged them, answer the same topic, and send it to another 5 people, etc.The topic: Your 5 Quirks!
1. My number one quirk is that i always wanted a younger sister.
2. My number 2 quirk is that i'm really addicted to durian, if i get cravings for any food, it has to be that one smelly fruit. i'm even willing to drive to Johor just to buy them.
3. My number 3 quirk is that if i've got something to say, i'll definitely say it.
4. my number 4 quirk is that i see girls as much better friends than guys though i am a guy.
5. my number 5 quirk is that i like thinking of my car as an ecosystem, like a jungle for soft toys.

5 people...

1. sylvia tee... haha me bestest friend ever. and also as quirky as ever; she has this on her blog already -> 5 things you should not attempt to do when your head is under siege by a throbbing headache
2. glam princess's blog. who like is really ultimate tai-tai wannabe. lives like a princess, is a princess.
3. guess it has to be the poameister. his name says enough. i'll let him elaborate more abt himself.
4. my pri 5 student's blog. like u know a pri 5? haha no pri 5 from my generation ever blogged when they were pri5.
5. russell's blog. like... a guy that games. wanna read abt gaming?

my mail... courage huh.

i had some thoughts today that came up to me....> like some ideas.> > 1. we should have overview the week following the> lesson, rather than before > the lesson, it should be shorter. while we are not> kids anymore, its pretty > dry to listen to someone go through what u're going> to do for bible study > later. Thoughts get lost during the overview, and> like it doens't get > brought up because people all think during the> overview, and when group time > starts, the thought has long passed by. you'll also> be listening to a lot of > things over again. It also drags YAG time> unnecessarily. Idea number 1. > change it into a recap. someone told me we usually> end up talking about > different issues in our different groups, so yup be> gd to listen to issues > other groups talk about and see if we can pick up> something. it'll be kept a > lot shorter, and there is no overlapping of what u> hear.> > 2. start some committees like worship committee.> With the new group coming > in, i heard they are about 30-40% of SSS. we can> make use of their talents. > also easing pressure off Cheryl. We can model> ourselves after SSS. Though we > are YAG and we run differently, but SSS has shown us> what can work with > their own methods. there is a reason why SSS worship> is so vibrant. People > that lead worship can all join the worship committee> together with musicians > or anyone else that wants to help out. Thus more> ideas, more planning, more > conviction and responsibility for each member, less> for Cheryl. Other > committees are just as feasible. Like event> committees for festive occasions > and such. Prayer committee, evangelism committee,> etc. etc. etc. Okay but > there are other points to consider which i have also> thought out. So hear me > out.> > 3. People are not free. YAG people are generally> quite busy, especially > those that go to university and all. When they're> free they usually come, > other than that, its kinda hard to find them when u> need them. YAG is also > basically too small. There's also a lack of> initiative, and a lack of heart > for YAG. Not many ideas how to solve this besides...> 1. we could get > everyone more involved.... how? not very sure. Shall> think about it more. > maybe the committee thing might help.> > 4. Groups don't really need leaders, they need> mentors. They should start > discussions by themselves, and pick it up. They> should not rely on leaders > to provide thought provoking questions, or issues.> The mentors should just > be there to make sure they do not interpret the> bible wrongly, or have > "incorrect" understanding of the bible or use wrong> principles or think in > an incorrect logic pathway. We are too old to be> spoon-fed. The YAG people > should not be expecting to go to class and listen> and pick up things from > their leaders. Or like going with the mindset. that> "yes" i know that. They > should be going to the group, with their own> questions in mind about the > theme, about the book we're reading, and bring it up> with the mentors > providing guidance but with them actually discussing> the issue... not sure > if this would work. Thoughts? i'm open to criticism,> just an idea. !. > Because i'm not sure how we going to decide what to> bible study on. The > group themselves? 2. Will the people actually do it?> i think the people in > my group are too afraid of saying something radical,> shocking, or wrong, > that they keep quiet and just usually agree and> agree and agree and agree. A > lot of people are like that, maybe like alpha we> should encourage like > facilitation instead of leading, and the mentors or> leaders instead take up > a facilitation role instead of "leading. " i think> people feel old enough > and like ya they all wanna lead, rather than follow.> again this ties in with > my point about getting everyone more involved.> > 5. Encourage Retreats, like in ur own groups, liek> what my sister's class > had to Bintan. Think that would be great. Can be> someone's house, but like > encourage it. Think it'll be good for bonding.> > 6. We also need more YAG events like for example in> JSS, we celebrate full > attendance day, children's day. We need celebrations> and not just dinners > and lunches. e.g. for christmas! we can have a YAG> group thing and go to > orchard and see the lights and take in the festive> spirit! i remember the > time we had this lantern festival thing at Jasmine's> house where we all ate > moon cakes and carried lanterns! We set up> committees for these. i'm sure > there are people withe nough heart. its just that> alone, its not enough > conviction, they need support from their peers. and> the time and energy too.> > 7. A point about myself, not sure if i want to lead> as well, still thinking > and praying about it. I'm still young, and i have my> little inadequacies and > my own downfalls. but i pick myself up. but. think> being a leader in YAG has > so much responsibility, and it wears each and> everyone of us down a lot. i > feel weary. and today mark mentioned something to> me. that i still have a > spark in me, haha but i feel that spark dying down> also. I have my ways of > keeping that spark up but its definitely not YAG> thats helping... guess YAG > has helped me realise my own inadequacies and my own> mistakes; which i am > currently learning from. I err a lot in being a> leader, and perhaps i > certainly view myself learning a lot from janis in> being one. Its been a > great experience for me. i just dun see myself as> the finished article. thus > i would certainly want another more experienced> person around! like janis! > but she's leaving. and i'm quite sad about that.> think many are.> > 8. i think YAG needs a certain kind of revamp. But i> can't place the > thought. Its just that i think we have a lot of> potential coming in, in the > new year. And perhaps its a good time for a revival.> Its time to really do > something about it, since we can.> > -Matthias...> My bunch of ideas and thoughts. Conviction? Perhaps.> Logic? Not Sure. Heart > for YAG? i have it.
in short. we need unity. we need people to feel a sense of belonging to the church and YAG, we need people to feel for others, and feel for GOD. We need to analyse and try to improve YAG and let and help it to grow. Then its members will grow as well. I have a vision for YAG, anyone else willing to share that vision? a united YAG with the enthusiasm for the group, for people and for God and His Word. One that builds up and encourages its members and those whom are new and which draws many more into God's kingdom, into God's love, into their own relationship with him.

Tell me i'm not grumbling, because i really aren't. i just committing myself to Him.

grumbling?

Why is it that when i throw up ideas... and like i try to tell people and tell them about problems i think are apparent..... they think i'm grumbling?
when really i'm not. i've less reason to be unhappy than so many others.
or like... i mean i feel... i don't have any little bit of anger abt it. 'and giving a very neutral perspective on it.
i see so many things, i listen to people, i think, i look at things from all different angles.
yet my honest opinion doens't seem to hold any weight
thinking about it...
thinking about it....
praying about it...
praying about it...
what to do next?

GOSH!

golly someone told my brother i like tricia... that is not true at all.

how did he ever hear something like that!

damn e secretive world....

i will tell my brother who i like myself.

thanks!

dreams. u poured cold water.

i had my dreams
i had my spark
yet that little spark was so doused out by that cold water.

persevere. i must.
that one little glow...

enough to keep me going.

YAG...

like no one has a heart for YAG.
maybe we should just scrap it.
like maybe its in God's plan to just scrap it
and i can just join JSS as a full time staff.
maybe YAG can just disband and we all go our own ways
and perhaps then i won't be so disappointed by it anymore.
like so many else have done and left it...
maybe i should to?
whats the point of fighting alone...

maybe i should just form my own group.. anyone interested?

my friend said when i am bored i should write.

well umm...
being left behind...

Do you believe that we are living in the final age..?
like that these are the last days... and that soon we'll all go up to heaven...
and well... narrow are the gates, and few enter it...
and who are these few... that do?
can i look around me, can i see myself entering that gate?
is it not heart-wrenching if i see my friends and family standing on the other side....?
will i enter that gate? do i believe enough in myself? i really don't know...
the sky's the limit, and well where am i? one foot tall?
am i assured of that place in heaven?

or could have the last days passed. could it be that the great holocaust of WWII be the end of days, and we were all left behind..?

yawn
anyway feeling kinda dreary now...
i seriously doubt what i bring to the world.
like what am i here for..? to feel sad..?
for others to forsake me? for others to shun me..?
why issit there are those who openly welcome u with open arms, and yet there are those who blatantly shun u.... hiding their dislike for u behind them?
truly misunderstood am i.
my friend makes a lot of sense when he talks to me.
i struggle all the time.
why is it so?
like i know it is a gd sign if u struggle all the time with urself and with the world.
but are u allowed to feel tired? are u allowed to take a break?
i am definitely overly sensitive and emotional to be a guy, yet i am not at that stage where i should be a girl yet.
i might not be the guy that the girl i like wants in her eyes, yet... i hope i am someone people will cherish in their lives.
yet it is all in God's plan, and well... i wonder if all these struggles go to naught,
what would i think?
is life worth it then??

As the newspapers write up more and more about the blatant indecency of the youths in our society today, what i see is the rotting of our society, how its going from bad to worse. and perhaps just looking at the people around me. i see the young people being corrupted with senseless nonsensical thoughts, and a way of life. and perhaps only a few out of these are sane and sensible/serious enough to take the right path now. i don't know what to do... like where are those like me..?

the people like me...
who are these people like me?
we represent the new generation.... yet corrupted by the world.
can i hope for a better future.
perhaps thats why life, thats why our faith is just like a chicken and the egg...

we were created, for our own destruction.
we live, for our deaths.
those that struggle look forward to their lives with hope and life, yet those that enjoy look forward to a in-evitable death.
we grow up, so we can understand more about our innocence.
we came from God, and to God we return.
evil stems from good, just as good stems from evil...

travel back in time... into the past.
back to where we came from,
to our innocent exuberance,
to that optimistc outlook on life and growing up.
to that sinless state.
perhaps then, what would be the end of days...
which way should we walk towards? ultimate salvation, or away from the detoriating society?

there for me

There for me, every time I've been awayWill you be there for me, thinking of me ev'ry dayAre you my destiny, words I never dared to sayWill you be there for me?

Just think of you and me, we could never toe the lineIt's such a mystery just to hear you say you're mineAnd while you're close to me, so close to meJust hold me

Se non sei con me, mi sembra grigia la cittàCamminando solo i piccoli vedo giocarVolti e voci del passato che non ricordavo piùMi chiedono

Are you still there for me?Forse qualche giorno poiIl mondo capirá che non molto [può] capitarE tu ci sei per me senti cosa diconoBut you're just there for me

And while you're close to me, so close to meJust hold me

Dimmi quanto tempo ancora resterai con meDimmi quante cose mi nascondi dentro teMolti sogni abbiamo che alfin potremmo vivereIo spero che

You are still there for me?Forse qualche giorno poiIl mondo capirá che non molto [può] capitarE tu ci sei per me senti cosa diconoBut you're just there for me

There for me

quirky.

i'm in a quirky mood. =( like... things are going right/yet wrong.

friends

i need a very certain kinda friend that is very very different from a lot of other people.

hard to find. found a few.

special people.

haha.

all that matters.

is them.

meaningful conversations

had really meaningful conversations with people today....
did a lot of meaningful things today too...
was really such a meaningful day.

been a long time since something like this happened.
and well.. i'm really happy.

like perhaps i am growing into something far greater than just who i was before.
i see potential in myself....
i have grown up into something far better than i ever was.
i'm reaching that new level in my life... that new level where so many things are destined for me, and there are no limits to my capabilities... the bar has been raised so much, and i can jump so much higher now...

i am blessed with the gifts and capabilities.
i have made the right choices in my life...
i do see my life having worth, meaning.
i have found my niche, my importance.
i have discovered what i'm destined to be..
and oh... it really is a successful one.

i have a part to play.
i am destined for something great.

but meaningful conversations, meaningful thoughts, i am very different from anyone else around. circumstances and other factors have moulded me into something so special. i am not self-centered. i do have my flaws, and many at that. but i am different, unique.... n perhaps. one day u'll see that in me... and u'll realise.... that knowing me.. will be something special in ur life, and special things will happen to you, for you. And it is not me, ultimately. It is God. every blessing i bring, is from God. yet every mistake i make, is me. but God will guide me through, and ultimately, i am for him. i am for his people, and his works. That is what i am about.
i am about God's ministry, and his Word. Treasure me. Treasure God. just as i treasure u. meaningful conversations, meaningful thoughts, i've been part of a meaningful experience in his meaningful plan for me....and God has shown meaningful me in a very meaningful way.

an eventful week. but like who cares.

hmm become really really pessimistic again, its one of those times in my life....
like... 1. in army camp. they split my nsf bunch up, basically they splitting the people that i've spent more than a year with... and the reasons behind it are quite uncalled for. relly quite affected by it, our future seems uncertain and like they're breaking e bond we all share together as nsfs.guess thats what happened in e week, like not tt many people know how i feel about it. i'm really sad, i just really don't show it at all... like the soft side to me is too vulnerable, and i've been disappointed, distressed so many times before..... it hink i'm giving my friends the wrong impression though, but it always is like that, i'm never able to strike e perfect balance.
2. my mum thinks i'm gonna be led astray by my non-christian army friends! 1stly i have tonnes of respect for them, and like they're way better than a lot of friends or poeple in church anyway. so led astray by what! ... i don't see it. they drink less, they go clubbing less, they are not stuck up, they care for people, etc... like ya at least they're my friends, at least they are good people. nice people. my friends people. well... okay anyway i think i'm gonna be the person tt strays e least anyway. i like have a gd sense of my principles, values and all, and i know what i am and what i believe in, and thats God and christianity. so like... if she's concerned, i think she has a lot more other people out there besides me to worry about. tt i can promise her.
well i can't stand a lot of people now but i have no heart to really tell them that, i think i've been keeping up a lot of things inside me with no outlet.. and well i've had quite a number of outbursts lately. i really think mebbe i should just be more straightforth, even if it hurts me. and it might affect my life greatly. like this person is too wadever, that person is too self centered, this person is too superficial, that person is too nonsensical, this person is too ego, that person is too judgemental, this person is too shallow, that person is too aloof and stuck up, etc etc etc... but i shouldn't be too judgemental but all these little thougts and conflicts slowly build up. can't be very gd to me.
right now still wondering who really reads my blog.. like well... really don't know..
haha anyway i'ms o sad... like my friends were all talking about their girl-friends/ex-girl friends in camp... and like for me i just need that one single girl in my life. just waiting for her to come. slowly slowly waiting,think God really protects u and tries to help u get the right one. oh well i can dream can't i. know some pretty great girls...but well just dreaming for that special one! i sound like a love sick fooolllll DAMN! but like haha.. okay la, its natural too. but y not either right. like a lot of people i know go through all this too. after all its what u seeking in ur life, i'm looking forward to my family. e future.
hmm well i'm letting a lot of things go lately. like... if u really want me to think less, this is it, i tend to think a lot when like i like someone.. then u always think like how things going and all that, and like is this happening for some reason or another. yeah. i'm not juding, i'm not affected by people, well its just like how God knows and is aware that humans sin and make tonnes of mistakes, i'm like that now, like ya... aware and willing to let like nature be nature. i am me and like thats who i am, and thats what people are like too.
well... and well e best people are not christians, in fact, they hardly ever are. only God is almighty, all great, all perfect. so like i think to my mum i would say " i think God knows best who i should spend my time with, who will lead me to e right path and on e right path, so i should just trust in him and know that whether my friends or christian or non-christian like... i'll be there. "
well...
"as we go on, we remember, all the times we, had together, and as our lives change, come what ever, we will still be, friends forever. "
well anyway there's this person i'm trying very hard to get to know cos that person is very very very very nice, i feel and really down to earth and what i really look for in people.! hope tt one works out well! gd night guys. like....god's plan is fate.ts true.

matt is really bored.

matt is really bored. and by really bored it means all he can think about is being bored and like thats all to look forward to, and all tt he has done...
when matt is bored, he doesn't think about much. or mebbe he thinks too much. matt does not bother about a lot of things already. its like a phase in a year. where he's so exasperated, so frustrated, so unhappy about a month ago. then it all gets better, and that's where he's at now.
so anyway matt thinks and he thinks about a lot a lot of things.
he thinks about yesterday how it was just wasted away and he doesn't remember a single thing about what he did yesterday, nor how long it lasted or anything even remotely vague. so thats yesterday. matt thinks about today when it was a pretty blah day, nothing really interesting happened and that like kinda set e mood. matt is still sick, and matt is feeling damn uncomfy right now. like he can't say a word....
so like where am I in my life right now....
Kinda stuck in between.
in between so many things..
in between people
in between moods
in between weeks
in between phases....
so in between.
not that it matters.
sigh can't be bothered now... bothered too much lately.
what a dull entry.
okay lets spice it up...

so anyway, shall talk about something interesting...

my dream for my future.
i am a family kinda guy, and well tts what i'm looking forward to.
think would like to imagine like grass fields, and grassfields of land... horses, ponies....
fields of golden sunflowers! then a quaint house... w/ a chimney...
on e other side of the house, a beach, a beautiful white sanded beach... w/ e waves crashing against the shore...
well, must have a swing cos i grew up with swings!!! ... haha and kids playing around.
well have like my good friends all being my neighbours... we having picnics on e beach...
picnics, high teas, barbecues, early morning walks, movie nights, etc....

sigh i miss all those....
so gonna cut short tt dream just there and talk about my childhood..


had a really fun childhood.. i can still remember.. the times where i stayed in e east... in still lane..so beautiful, it was dead end lane, which meant that we could do almost anything on e road! so i would race my remote control car over there...! or ride bicycles or play with the dogs in e neighbourhood... my cousins and all would come to play very often too!! well but still lane wasn't the most fun, the most fun was staying in e old Sheares Hall in NUS!

i'm a proud baby of NUS - Sheares Hall!!! like one of the few babies to be born inside! from young, i would roam the jungles of the neighbourhood.. there was this huge forest there... was really fun, out of it came lal kinds of bugs, animals and all... so anyway my family reared fishes.. and i had a few tanks all to myself. and they were all so beautiful it caught a trend and soon all the students in Hall A - where i stayed - starting rearing fishes too!! and they would always invite me to go to their rooms to check them out. so anyway... 1st thing 1st. i took a banana tree from this constrcution site that was about a foot tall, and grew it up! in like 3 years it had its first harvest!!! i eflt like a farmer. but just seeing the bananas made me really happy. like a sense of achievement. so one day, everyone in sheares hall A had bananas! haha and it was really sweet, the sweetest u'll ever taste. so we would catch spiders, snails, caterpillars, centipedes, crickets, snakes, chameleons, earthworms! basically i was like tt little kid in movies, anything i can get my hands on i get my hands on. i think i successfully grew 4 caterpillars into butterflies. i caught cockroaches, spiders. but they are kinda dangerous and sick so i always end up killing them. It was really fun cos everytime i go to school i bring a new animal like a tadpole, an earthworm or somethign and the class would have tonnes of fun with all the stuff i brought. Why i even caught a wild dog before. but it wa skinda dangerous cos there was a pack of them and the dog got kinda sad after a while... they were all pretty fierece. caught a blue coral snake which is really dangerous, a grass snake. saw a monitor lizard, kingfishers! kept a tortoise from the jungle which was attacked by a water rat one day. there were snails 10cm long. my worst experience was catching silkworms cos they infested my banana tree so i caught all of them so they wouldn't ruin it. but they all would bite their way out of the container i kept them in and like run around the house. whcih was really sick cos its like a worm running around ur house. anyway i also kept rabbits and all... but the most fun part was hanging around with the big kor kjors and jie jies i had there!! they were a great bunch and i have really great memories of all of them... i really miss them.....
rem the times they would bring me along for walks....
rem the times they would go catch fishes with me.....
rem the times they invite me to their room to read comics....
or just play with me...
rem the times we watched all kinda movies....
rem the time they play darts with me....
rem the times they would carry me around....
rem the time they brought me along for inter hall activities...
such fond memories..
all my big brothers and sisters....

SIGH! how i miss those days.
well guess i can still have fun like that, but well.. with my little brothers and sisters now!
i've grown up... i'm growing up...
perhaps its time to stop reminiscing those fond fond... sweet memories of mine.. and now look forward to that dream! i wanna make more memories. i wanan lvie in my dream...

why teaching is such a joy..

a conversation between me and my little pri 5 kid in jss =) haha she's gonna be really pretty when she grow up, albeit super petite. but ya got good genes.
shan't say her name though.
E : hiiex
Me: heya
E: watcha doing up so late?
Me: not very late what
Me: tmr i sick... might not go jss
E: pls go pls pls gooooo
Me: cos i sick and losing my voice
E: i beg u!!!

feels really good to be wanted so much =) nice to be appreciated. everyone would feel e same way. tts whats so gd about teaching! e relationships.

what a weekend

so here's a recap of my weekend.. really happening..
friday,
argued with my superior for an hour... or more of a fair intelligent discussion and exchanging of views. rest of the nsfs all a little too selfish, want someone to voice their opinions and that person had to be me, sometimes don't understand why i do it also.... so anwyay i did it, and was complaining about the lack of support from those people who asked me to do it while talking, and then at last, one of them responded and the rest start sitting up and all came out in a group to back me up. 1st time i saw it. guess people just need to be pushed! so anyway one of my friends, woo decided to say something to back me up too! which was great... really appreciate it. sometimes, its all those people that keep quiet that really get to u... and only complain when its all over. or like blame you for speaking up.... like... dun understand it. after all i didn't do it for selfish reasons. i did it for them , i wouldn't do it if i alone wanted to do it. no sir-ree.. so... well guess most people are like that.. thank God he was there and guided me through it. and of cos my superior who thinks of me as a nice son - i know she secretly would like me as a son.. (i called her mam, and she said "why u call me mum"?) - (my head said, she secretly wishes she had a son like u - must be what they talking about during their tea breaks) anwayy. she thinks very highly of me for some reason and i always disappoint her, but she still likes me. haha even though she scolds me sometimes and i really get very angry cos its over very small things. but she just needs to understand me and perhaps i'm e only one that she's really getting to know well among all the nsfs. i am a really open, transparent, expressive person anyway. people get to know me very easily. so ya.. even after the arguements, despite all the differences we had, i think she still could look at me positively and the relationship was strengthened. well, evyerthing worked out for the better anyway, we are not on standby for recall tt often... (think 6 weeks out of 8 weeks before, now its 4 out of 8 weeks).... thanks a lot to her. and she's actually quite nice, sometimes. when she's not pms-ing during her period i guess. haha just imagine a cute short, a little fat but still cute mum/superior.... i wouldn't mind her as a godma, sure. she's not too bad. understanding at least. think my other nsfs would kill me, but my tolerance for people is REALLY really high. i like most people. i hardly ever see people in a bad way, i always try to see them in a gd light... unless its inevitable. then too bad.
so anyway went for tuition had a gd chat with my pri 5 kid.. but then i got sick. just started sneezing and sneezing non-stop. think every 5 seconds a sneeze came out, so ended with a sore throat and fever in e morning due to my overworked respiratory system. supposed to have a nice lunch with tim and zw but it got cancelled... well cos i was sick and the place we wanted to go to ended up to be too expensive. haha me procastinating when i got no money. always happens.. when i short of money, its very hard to get me to go out, i rather stay at home and save. only go out on dates, or pre-arranged stuff. hardly date too, so its more or less pre-arranged stuff.haha or unless i really really feel damn bored and i've got nothing to do at home.
so saturday what did i do? stay at home. rot. haha sleep. rest. quite a sad day.
REally that's all i did... what a bum right! but i'm really sick, still expect to be sick tmr, mebbe i'll see e doctor on monday. oh... well
and there's earthquakes in sumatra and india. was really really worried when i heard that there was an earthquake in india cos my dad is there... but luckily i smsed him and he told me he's safe, he's in e south already. sigh all these natural disasters.. really scary. its like e sky is falling kinda thing.. and u worry so much. and well since there are earthquakes means we on high recall possibility..!might have to go back to camp anytime soon. probbaly on sunday. all these earthquakes. was thinking.. i wouldn't mind going back today, at least i can check how my dad would be doing if i go back to camp and in a way i'd be helping the earthquake victims and the people there.sigh so there it is, recall.... really such a bummer...
like well... means i might not get to go church, means ur plans all disruptd. but thats ns for u... thats e army... thats my job.... sometimes maybe its gd to take a break off all the people from church.... after all people disappoint. spend some time with God. God doesn't disappoint.

i love.

i love...
so many things.

connections!

today, it was a gd thing having duty with this army mate of mine.
think he misunderstands me, but after talking to me alone during breaks and lunch cos thatws how our system works, he kinda sees more in me...
haha really pleased at that, think he understands me more now, and he realises why i am the way i am... and not bcos of other reasons...
was really happy at the way he encouraged and was helping me throughout the day in army as i was doing work, really. think he'll make a good friend, but i don't know him well enough yet. helps that he's christian so he shares something in common with me.
hmmm besides that, really realise that i really like having a little younger sister around that i can help with her studies, life and all that... its like how i teach my jss kids and in a way they all see me as their kor kor, someone that can help them with their maths and science and teach them.... someone they can talk to about their problems, they can tell about their latest happenings in life, and play with. i enjoy being that... thats why its quite a joy teaching jss.
well, not much happening in life right now, spending a lot of time alone, yet in a way i'm much more stable and happier than when i'm with people.
no more mood swings, feeling sad/angry/happy all the time over little things.... duno which is better of me, in a way, i felt i do more for people when i'm in e other state.... when i'm like this, i'm just detached from e world, really self-reflecting, getting on with life, working hard.
besides i am a workaholic... i just try to do everything myself, i ultimately manage to but at the expense of myself which oh well.. isn't very healthy for me.
anyway the bali bombings tt happened this week? really pray for it, the world is getting more violent, with huang na's murder, the maid's murders, bali bombings, sept 11, tsunami, hurricanes, etc. etc.. its getting overboard.. wonder whats happening to the world. just this morning i woke up and saw the ACS tarpaulin that covered the seats at the track all blown out of shape, the metal was bent... and u wonder what happened. for the 1st time, i was thinking to myself... "i'm left behind, i'm still here"..... could this be ....? could it be coming?
i just pray pray pray pray pray, cos i need to pray pray pray pray pray.. tts all that matters.....
prayer. works wonders.

create

my friend say he cannot create new post. so this is a test post.!
TESTING!!!!! can see?
definitely can create.