i'm not moodswinging

i'm not moodswinging...
i'm just finding ways to keep myself out of all that sadness
and trying i am.... and i can't
and they day i come back here, and look at the words i write...
i know its been 5 days......
5 x 24 hours is a long time... its a full 120 hours.
i inhale deeply, preparing for that sigh..
it just seems like i've been preparing myself so long for that sigh.
even though i do believe in a smile at the end of it all... i don't know why
that sigh just seems so close by.
writing with such emotional unstability,
i'm a fool with words.
words are never going to express it like how i really feel it.
my heart is such a soft piece of machinery.
it has no gears, no nuts or bolts.
it just runs purely on me..
u squeeze it, it chokes, it doesn't break down.
it has no form, its free expression personified
i can only imagine... what its like

i just feel like a fool....
that perhaps i'm not meant to be here...
i'm just lost in the wilderness...
i don't plant trees, i burn down the forest.