a double whammy of emails just came my way...
and i guess, i have very conflicting thoughts right now...
one is an encouraging email, encouraging me on with my life, the other is perhaps one to lament about things, but yet things that i understand and perhaps have my own fair share of views and opinions about.


lets start with laments.. we must always ready our heart before we praise and worship, and glorify God anyway.
And before that, we must thank Him for all that he has done...
So, i guess i have a lot to be thankful for. That despite what i have done, mistakes, misgivings, taking the wrong path, making the wrong decisions. Well, somehow there is still a lot of light at the end of the tunnel. And that is realy what has been happening alot to me, all throughout my life. Getting distracted and losing focus of my goals in life. Yet i still manage to achieve those goals. Making a mistake and perhaps still knowing it didn't affect anything, really tells me its nothing short of a miracle....
so well... i guess talking about the people in my church, how perhaps they're just brought up/grown to be a certain way. and how they don't really seem to fit in with what you would expect of a christian. we are not perfect isn't the excuse we always can offer ourselves or others. perhaps in my church, u can see how those who have grown up together really stay very close. so close perhaps they really forget the others around them. they intertwine their lives, their spiritual walks so beautifully with each other, attuning themselves to one another. Just looking at it from the outside really makes u marvel at what they have. then u start thinking what happened to you? and we have our own paths to walk down. we might not have that kinda support that they have. but we have our own faith, and own walk. which might be even more powerful. i hafta admit i wish our church was more outward looking, or even just more friendly to outsiders. i would like to wish there was a day i'd had no worries just asking my friend to go to service himself, and know that others would take care of him, even when i'm busy with sunday school. but i always ask myself, is that possible? i don't know if what i do is correct sometimes, perhaps i'm too guilty of not being friendly, not saying "hi" to people.
end of the day though, i really can't say anything.
i really don't know why its like that, must have their reasons..
ultimately, the choices we make are our own. Even if the entire world does not reach out to you, u still have that choice to make. Harsh.
But well there's always God. unlike any other person, perfect. omnipotent, omniscient, omnipresent, etc. thats our light! thats e lamp in e room. self powered. etc.

honestly, i've felt down, i've felt happy just being my church....
i see myself drawing many parallels to what my sister feels so i can understand all that. =) ya i guess we're not alone. and slowly, but surely, i am finding people attuned to me, seeing our purpose in Him.
ultimately i know i must be happy just living my life. lets all look on the positive sides. perhaps we might have to shut an eye to all those discouragements we get.
and just get encouraged by things that really warm you.

so brings me to the next email.
haha. correction. i don't have many friends. i am just there when they need me. so don't envy me. cos really its not me, whatever i am is not because of me. well just ask God. i am just but a pawn. he moulds me, shapes me, etc! u know it too, don't all of you. okay tts enough about that email.. but thanks. haha thanks for letting me know i'm an encouragement. well by encouraging me, u have been an encouragement as well... and "and the gift goes on... the father gave the son, and the gift goes on, the son gave the spirit, and the gift goes on, the spirit gave us life, so we can give the gift of love"

oh btw, pls share ur thoughts if any about everything =) we can all grow and learn.