the original photo..

12 year old david.

 

what david (JSS) will grow up to look like...
Part 1 of "Like Father like son"
so shoddy... but showcasing some new skills i picked up in IAC.
adobe photoshop! =)

 

Tadius.. he said "kor kor wear shoe and go home" =) so sweet.

ooh godbrother... (my dad's been adopting like crazy)

 

and he sang...
"heal the world....
make it a better place...
for you and for me, and the entire human race..."

and i just.. =)

Cycling_Vol_2!

Fun...! i'm obviously the photographer. Anyway, the shirt says "is it hot? or is it just me" =) 

ECP Cycling_Vol_1. my classmates having fun.

 

people always disappoint

its amazing how adults can still grow up and still be just as "kiddy" as they once were.
this is by no means a harsh statement. and surely it is meant to be one.
"You are by all means no less than an idiot and it just shows your immaturity, and your lack of love for another."
I really can't believe someone would like a letter like that.. What point does it prove?
you are really such a disgrace.. and somehow i wish the world washes their hands clean of you...
I sigh at the remarks you make, the malice, the hate that you litter the letter with.
How can you lie just to bring your "own" point across... how can you put everyone's integrity into doubt just because you think you know....how can you not understand what we people are all about? how can you just pick up every little flaw in our lives and use it against us.. surely u must look within yourself first and see the many flaws... i sigh at ur lack of disgression, at your obvious absence of professionalism.... i really look at you in disgust, and tell you, straight in the face, how much your actions have caused me to lose all respect for you, if i ever knew you in the first place. you nit-pick at every single thing that you have been given, u twist and turn it all to your favour.... just with the aim of hurting another. what have you got to gain? why are u just counting others losses... i'm embarassed to be just like you.
Hurting... you do not know where u have led yourself to. It might be a brillant journalist essay... but.... you just make a mockery of yourself... i can't judge you, but might u live with ur conscience forever, if u ever had one.
"What we do not know, do not see and do not hear" is best left "unknown, unseen and unheard"
how adeptly you use this phrase... yet it is ironic how you just show you are nowhere near as skilled, as knowledgable; as adept.
i just sigh, at your inadequacy to be a person, to be who you claim to be.
what use do your empty words have... what loss do you want everyone to suffer...
your injustice?

=i just hope... perhaps i could hope some more=

we have not lost the war... but we have just entered a battle.

so much fun... i miss chess days... =)

i wish we could always have outings everyday....

then again.. i wish for so many things
but by giving a little of what we dream to others,
we not only fulfill a little bit of our own dream...
but we give others a little bit more to dream about...

how wonderful life is.... cos u're in the world!

=) 26th Sept....Mugging?? -never heard of that- we still have so much fun...

 

Yimin!! taken by photo-slut. =p

 

zz and me! acqua buddies! we're so capsizing..

 

ooh scandalous pic!!! Get ur COPY Now =)

 

Canoe pic!! Acqua! Really water babies

 

why do i think so much..? is there really that much to think about?
that people not only pose me questions, but rather i pose myself as many questions as i can muster...
is it true that.. if u think more into everything, u'll derive more meaning from everything?
and... that perhaps life is just such a complicated web, and not as simple as so many of us take it out to be..?
is it perhaps possible that we're living in such a linear world... that we can just think and look straight ahead, rather than imagine and form 3-dimensional symbols in our head?
what really can i do? that perhaps the simplest answer for me.. is just a simple yes or no.
a simple choice?

yes.
then again. perhaps no!
ouch....

today was fun... =) hope pictures come soon...
today was kayaking day for ACQUA! though we only had 8 people kayaking..
we always still have tonnes of fun together...
i really enjoyed it...
but then i'm kinda in a serious mood today and i wonder why....
i dun find myself thinking about fun things, amidst all the fun,
all the happy things, with all the happiness
nor all the sad things, despite ur daily sorrows and frustrations...
i just feel like things need to be taken seriously...
i think its me taking control of myself, not letting myself get out of hand...
and i've been a little harsh to people unknowingly, only realising it after i've said something...
but kudos to ACQUA for another successful outing.. and wish the rest of them would come the next time.. =)

and i know that... even over the years..
we always must be sure that we're doing it all for Him.

gep.. we're not the elite.. neither do we consider ourselves the elite...
we're not the smartest, nor the brightest, nor the most talented...
yet we are who we are.. and its sad that its coming to an end...
that all the memories of gep will now be just for us... the ex-geppers....
that we might be nerds.. and whatever u might call us..
but thats cos u missed out on a wonderful experience.. that really made us what we are today..
we'll miss gep.. but we'll always remember each other. that there's no place like home...
and there's one that'll live on... etched in our memories and in our hearts, but no more a part of our society.... i really believe they shouldn't abolish the programme.. its been nothing short of special. we still miss it to this very day.

Desperado, why don't you come to your senses?
Come down from your fences, and open the gate
It may be rainin', but there's a rainbow above you
You better let somebody love you
before it's too late

thank God. for answering my prayers.
for answering prayers of those who prayed for me.. and i'm thankful of what i'll get...
bcos i know that he's guiding me through..
today the song of the day... for me.. esp for me...
is God wil make a way...
When there is no other way,
he works in ways we cannot see
he will make a way for me.. =)
i guess ... really. so much to be thankful for...

my classmates... my new uni friends...yup all of you...
i guess little blessings, little things that show me u're still around....
little changes in things around me that might not be seen on first glance, but shine like stars..

today is Ko Sing's birthday.. and we celebrated with a mini outing! Happy Birthday Ko Sing.
got to know Chen Lu better also.. its always hard to make friends with someone from a totally different culture and background from you.. esp someone that speaks a language i'm quite weak at... heh! =) but i think she's brillant! really.. she breaks the stereotype we have in our minds of those china scholars!

there's kinda a little politics in my class.. and people not liking each other for all kinda little petty reasons.. and while i understand them... but i don't really appreciate things like that. yet.. they're still nice people underneath.. and perhaps we must all look past what we are on the surface.. or even what each of us shows to the world. but rather look beneath that.. and perhaps we might see a fragile heart, or a heart that shines ever so brightly... glowing in the darkness.. something that stands out where u least expect it to....

i think... i must really reflect deep into myself at this moment.. there's a lot to look back on to and decipher... that perhaps i might have done something wrong, or something unpleasing to God. i might have made mistakes, get too carried away with myself or with things around me... and i really do need to consider everything as i continue to walk down the path that he leads me on... i find myself inadequate... wanting and needing to know more..... that its kinda a time of "bad form" where perhaps i don't see myself at the standards i want to live my life...
and i must really pick up from where i left off, and continue to improve... continue to be more a testimony... and really live out what he wants me to be.. a blessing, a miracle... or a channel of his love....

"without love... i am nothing"

i just wish i could thank you so much... yet i know... i should thank God for you.

the sky, the sea.... and the one thing i like so much ....
thank you God =)

I get on my knees
there I am before the Love that changes me
See I don't know how, but there's power
In the blue skies, in the midnight
When I'm on my knees!

What more can i ask for when things just are so wonderful!

suck thumb already. either that or coughing. =)

 

Jeffrey Bai Tong Xi... 1 Week Old. my Godson!

 

i really really feel kinda like an idiot now.
i don't and shouldn't trust my feelings....
it just messes up things, makes me struggle with unnecessary riddles....
that one after another, questions just takes hold of those thought nerves, jumble them up, and reestablish themselves in an entire mess.
its the reason i wake up 1 minute before everyone else does...
that my mind whirrs into life, as my soul calls for it.
i'm someone so in tune with my spirit, and...... i really can hear Him speaking to me....
yet you're forever confused by those other voices, from people around you, from the "other" one, or just from yourself.... and its not that you feel lost... its not that you feel confused... u just feel stumped by those riddles... that you just want to solve.
"The words I have spoken to you are spirit, and they are life" (John 6:63)

I wore the shirt "Don't tell God how Big your problems are, rather tell your problems how Big God is"

I guess i'm truly just very disappointed with myself.. that once again i've let myself go on a roller coaster ride... one that i'm not enjoying however. That while it climbed slowly up the slope, i've been helping to push it along, to scale greater heights, praying to God that he'll lift us up with those hands of his..... yet... as it goes plunging down.... i just don't know how to stop it... and everything blurs itself.... and u lose track of whats going on... why u do it... just waiting for things to pan itself out. ur friends climb in with you.... some don't because they're scared of the ride... some don't cos they're too busy to go to the park with you, some don't because they rather take the other ride.... You say your prayers and those friends comfort you... "We're all in this ride together..." and you think so too... Somehow.... the ride stops, and you know its because of all these friends you have around you... you've realised you've reached the end.... and you know... thats its because we've held each other's hands.... that we've not lost, we've not fallen out.. and that God has kept us safe.
"Therefore, we do not lose heart. Even though our outward man is perishing, yet the inward man is being renewd day by day.... while we do not look at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen. For the things which are seen are temporary, but the things which are not seen are eternal." (2 Cor 4:16-18)

It just takes that split second to wonder whats going on.... just before u plunge... or after you've taken the plunge... u really wonder what if things might all go wrong.. that perhaps God wants you to fall through the broken tracks, crash, survive and live another day.
"I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith." (2 Tim 4:7)

Sometimes, we ride the roller coaster ride alone... without the people we want to ride it with...
and we realise that we don't have that hand beside us......
"what keeps us alive then?"
Faith.... And we must rely even more on it.... Faith that we know.... what we saw before is an unbroken track...
But yet i look forward to the day i'll finally have that hand holding mine, telling me i'm not alone...

Now..... when will people see my roller coaster ride....? experience it and know what its about.... knowing and seeing how each twist and turn, ascent and decsent is shaped just like i am.... and different from their own?
"Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others" (Philippians 2:4)
I'd take an extra track that plunges, just to give you one that ascends one step closer to heaven? That you'll come to realise and experience what the sunshiney warmth feels like, and grow to love it... and be a part of it.
"that you may become blameless and harmless, children of God without fault in the midst of a crooked and perverse generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world, holding fast the word of life, so that i may rejoice in the day of Christ, that i have not run in vain or labored in vain" (Philippians 2:15-16)
That even though everyday, i'll find myself closer to the ground, i know i'm just going to hurt myself even more... and that i'll struggle with the sight of the impending ground right in front of my face each time i take this ride... Don't fall back to earth.... always reach for the sky.
"For we know that if our earthly house, this tent, is destroyed, we have a building from God, a house not made with hands, eternal in the heavens" (2 Cor 5:1)

My purpose here..... is the exact opposite of that of my father's. His was to store riches in every form.... mine is to give those riches to others. In whatever many different ways we are.... that is how successful we are..... in living our lives. And we must hold on to that. I must say... For me...
it hurts just giving a piece of me each time... and struggling, knowing that there'll be nothing in return. that even if i fall straight to the ground. i know that i'll be happy..
but this is my dream....and one that i'll live it out.
Its a one way ride to heaven for me, even if it ends at the depths of the earth.
"For our citizenship is in heaven, from which we also eagerly wait for the Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ" (Philippians 3:20).. stand fast
It is a lonely path and one that full of toils and troubles, yet... Will you be here with me?

My one way ticket to heaven...Do you have yours? (John 14:6)
"I am the way, the truth and the life, no one comes to the father, except through me."

I am the wind, the sun, the rain
I am the splash on windowpane
I am the stars, the moon, the sky
I am the eagle flying high.
I am the rose, the hue, the spring
I am the tiny birds that sing

"There was a race of people who lived their entire lives in a cave. Their only contact with the outside world would be shadows on the wall. They had only a monochrome, two-dimensional understanding of reality. Now suppose that one of the cave-dwellers was brave enough to venture out of the cave to discover the world of color, texture, smell, depth and density. How could the explorer explain these concepts to a people who had no experience with them? It would be impossible to describe the aroma of coffee, the concept of iridescence, or the warmth of sunshine. The sun would sound like bizarre fiction. An ocean tidepool would be weird beyond belief." -Plato
"Eye has not seen, nor ear heard, nor have entered into the heart of man, the things which God has prepared for those who love him" (1 Corinthians 2:9).

Heaven is in the realm of the spirit.
We have our victory... in us.
"The Lord Jesus Christ be with your spirit. Grave be with you. Amen" (2 Tim 4:22)

i really thank God for you.. you who makes me feel so important...
i'm really really honoured to be your friend, not because i can go to you when i need someone to talk to, or i just get company from you...
but that u really tell me how much i mean.... i really must say that you mean as much to me... and i really will never let u go!
they might always say it takes two hands to clap....
but i guess its really more than that... that you really cherish what we have...
makes me the happiest person in the world.
bcos what i really want... are things that last forever.

*Diamonds are best friends, but its the sparkle that makes them what they are*

everyday i just wonder if it'll last another day....
because i really don't know if it will....
and i can't see or know everything as it happens...

-life is a journey, one of a great multitudes of tumbles and falls, but thats because we have "ugly" feet-

hmm..... today met up with my church friends... had a really great time...
that in such a non-competitive environment, we really can be ourselves, be who we are....
that there's no pressure to be a certain kind of person...
that whilst in school, while we might feel so different from everyone else... because we are....
we cannot lose ourselves just to fit in....
i'd rather be different than lose myself.

"mutualism is an interaction between two or more species where both species derive benefit."
-something we're lacking

i know i'm asking for irrational behaviour....
but miracles do happen don't they...

it is quite a rare moment... where a thought lingers in my mind, even after talking to everyone, even after the sun sets and my msn goes to "appear offline"

the kids at Chen Su Lan today sang... "Jesus, I enthrone you...I proclaim you are king."
i really believe i'm there for a reason.. that even the efforts that i've placed into it have been so much more... because i believe God is helping me out. That even this morning, during Econs Lecture, Roland even gave christian examples... shared a little bit of what christianity, what believing in God is about.... and its been an excellent, fulfilling day of what God is about...
but yet.. that is not the thought lingering in my head....

it is rather.. who'd truly understands me.. that with everyone i meet... its such a rarity that i meet someone that does.... i still long for more that perhaps would see my everyday life, and see through me... look beneath that exterior... that facade. that even behind my smile... things say so much more. even beneath my chatter... there is a thought in my head that circles around. and a thought tt stays there... and i am bothered... i definitely am... that something isn't right around me.... and i wonder why i'm feeling this way.. it could be because i'm tired....
today's bus ride was a refreshing one, and Shifeng and Zin definitely provided great company.. something i've been missing for a while now. that while Ko sing isn't around, perhaps i feel so much more alone that i should be... and this feeling of alone really amplifies itself, in EG tutorial, on the bus to Chen Su Lan, at Chen Su Lan itself.....
i really do need company, and i'm missing it.. somehow...
things do seem to have changed.. and i'm not someone that copes well with it.

it surprises me that some people can sense the slightest change in my moods.. and how some don't.. how some people can so horribly misread whats inside me.... strikes me as hurtful.
through all the children and through his presence in the informal singing session... i still realised he provides me with company. That i can sing his songs.. "and the gift goes on, Thats why He Came and I'll make my heart a bethlehem" during my walk this morning.... and feeling so comforted, really throws all my cares away.... and of course not forgetting.. "Jesus i enthrone you" really puts worship into perspective. that its a little miracle that i've formulated one entire one out of nothing, maybe even out of random thoughts.
God provides. really... even a worship session when i need one.

i once told a friend that "i don't believe in not spending time together with someone i would consider a friend.. " that really.... we need to be in constant communication, consistently being in sync with each other's lives... building and having that relationship. its just like God... forsake him, and u'll drift... and u'll keep drifting till u look for him again.... and meeting my old friends has been a river that flows right through me, bringing life, energy and rejuvenation in this busy busy schedule of mine.... i really do appreciate people giving me their time and energy.... i really do thank them so much for it... that even admists tutorials, lectures, work.... we still take a little time to bank into what we have in this joint account of ours. i can't ask for more...

Again, i once talked to a friend in CSC... and we contemplated why we didn't ask the elderly to join our grant a wish project... and it made me wonder...
why are wishes on the trees for a billabong sling bag, or for some yoda pants, or for nike shoes....
is that all we can provide for each other? if only we could provide a son for the granny that wants her son, or some joy in music for the uncle that needs some warmth... are we truly that practical, that we forget who we are in the end? that we are human.. that we are not animals because we are irrational, that we have hearts that beat, that we care,that we love... that we can think and feel.. not just for ourselves but for each other. that we're not run by instincts to survive.. but rather by our hearts that long for what we so want......

We all want so many things
but ...
without love, i am nothing.

it takes a crane to build a crane..
it takes 2 floors to make a storey....

it takes a thought to make a word
and it takes some words to make an action

And today.. the phrase that i found most meaningful to me was...
"maybe you did something special that you didn't realise"
and i really wonder... like what did it take... what did i do.. what could i have done?
that things became so special.. that things turned out the way it did....

What could i have done since young, what could i have done in my life?
that through all the emotional scars, the pain, the joy, the rocky boat, the experiences, the adrenaline rushes.....that i become what i am?
that i deserve what i have?
that my life story is especially unique... and i have such an overwhelming story to tell everyone...
that i am so different from everyone else, just like you are.

and this is singapore dreaming in my eyes... my own life story...
that when i was young, i experienced such great joy and fun i cannot remember, yet retain... in the hope that one day i might relive it, and know that i've been there.
and as i grew older, i've learn so much through all the dares i've dared myself to do...
catching a wild dog, crickets, running after my rabbit, tying ribbons to chameleons, taking care of a pidgeon, grooming a butterfly.. the list does not end... and i thank God.
that even in all my dreams.... of being an archaeologist, or an explorer.. that i've slowly given up my dreams... just with the goal to survive and make the best of my life in this society.... thats the practical side of Singapore.... and even as i walk into my engineering lecture hall, i know i am not following my dream... but yet... this is where i'm meant to be.

they always say, its where God puts you....

"i want you to have the best"

Singapore Dreaming.....
What we all wish for.. such materialistic things... cars, degree, the 5Cs?
yet there are those that are different and the show awesomely depicted that in the many different characters and personalities in the show....
do we compete among each other, even among family members so much, just to survive? just to come good? just to reach personal satisfaction?
I sigh at that.. and Singapore Dreaming is about a dream that says... just surviving is enough.
that life isn't easy.. and we have so many struggles. everything is such a mystery... that we can never fully feel at home, never fully get into what matters more in life. that its not just about a car? not just about a condo or a country club....
and our relationships suffer.
we dream.... but yet we never live our dreams... till our very last day.

-i sigh, not just because i'm a thinker and a feeler, but because i want more out of this world-

i've just watched "the Devil wears Prada"
and really i have to admit its a good show... an abstract one with a strong underlining message

"never ever compromise yourself, and what you are for anything that is not in your heart"

today i saw a brillant art painting called colourful in Paragon.. i would encourage you to go take a look... i'm kinda in awe with it. It represents so many different ideas centered around a single theme, "love"

Today... my classmates and i talked about following your heart, or following your mind. My chinese may not be good but i think its Li Xing vs Gan Xing; if i'm not wrong. And i'm a strong believer of following your heart, and they know it. And perhaps thats why first impressions never strike me. because they're just what your mind portrays to you... but yet its so different for everyone else...

i'm happy to be what i am in this world today, living the purpose that God has set out for me..
Lest i get carried away, i just have to say.. that no matter what i am, or what i'll be, i owe it all to God. and Really.. its not by my own might alone that i do anything, rather its His. and i commit myself wholly to his guidance in leading me...

and i can't say its nothing short of a miracle.... not just for me, but for everyone.
i can't say how miraculous life has been... how things aren't coincidental anymore, but rather they're magical... and thus once again... the name of my blog... "planetary magic... what more magical than the plan he's set out for each and everyone of us, who can explain the universe"

i really have to say how each one of us have our own set of gifts, have our own character traits, and personalities.. and our own flaws as well....
i could lift a mountain, but drown in the sea
i could fly as high as the clouds, but drop like a stone
i could be the sun that warms u, but the wind that freezes you....
i could be so many things.
and so can you....

"Listen to your heart
When hes calling for you
Listen to your heart
Theres nothing else you can do

And there are voices
That want to be heard
So much to mention
But you cant find the words
The scent of magic
The beauty thats been
When love was wilder than the wind"

listen... follow....
and the feeling of living in your dreams comes.

You know I can't smile without you
I can't smile without you
I can't laugh and I can't sing
I'm findin' it hard to do anything

You see I feel sad when you're sad
I feel glad when you're glad
If you only knew what I'm goin' through
I just can't smile without you

You came along just like a song
And brightened my day
Who'da believed that you were part of a dream?
Now it all seems light years away

And now you know
I can't smile without you
I can't smile without you
I can't laugh and I can't sing
I'm findin' it hard to do anything

click link below:
http://www.superlaugh.com/1/cant.htm

and i realise how much you people mean to me...
that its not just one of you, but all of you. and my friend told me how...
you all greet me so enthusiastically when you see me...
and i just thank God for that. that without that... i might not be..
that ally! u and pris just ask me how i am over my tagboard just warms my heart!
i really can't smile without you... can't laugh, can't sing..
i once promised i'll never forget any of my friends... yup
and i really intend to live up to my promise.
i might not have space for everyone that i come across. but besides God
if people are not the purpose of my life, what other worldly thing do i have to choose from?

we choose from a plethora of things...
what we ultimately become is an establishment in ourselves.....
whether its your heart over your mind or vice versa...
you aren't wrong...
rather live your life by faith, not by sight.
by love, not by hate....
and you've done much more than one could have done.
living your life as a blessing, as a miracle.

and he said.. "follow me"

when days were free... i never really appreciated it
now when time is lacking... -shrugs- what can i do?

its this week.
and next week's nights are already filled.....
i want to get on with things... but where can i find the time?
i'm trying to juggle meeting friends, yet it seems i might be compromising my studies for them.
i'm trying to plan things, but schedules never seem to match.
its a trying time...

but... they'll always say... if you can get through the worst... you can get through anything
and this is by far not the worst moment ever.
this is in fact nowhere near.
it can be considered good...

Grant-a-wish is coming...
i too have one wish in my hand.
Waiting for it to be granted.

-why i think-

Steve IRwin...
Well i guess there's no other reason.. rather than it was his time to go, and perhaps people around the world might learn a lot from it, as he'll be remembered by so many around today.
its pretty coincidental for a bull ray to suddenly swish his tail and catch him in the heart..
as an environmental engineer.. i can't help but be sad as well... its true that i watch his shows, mostly on Arts Central... or sometimes on discovery... and he's a great man.. and his daughter confirms it.

Today.. is probably and will be a good day.
I'm looking forward to it...

I have a checklist of fears and perhaps its a good time, this morning to collate it.
Fear of God, Check. I'm really at his mercy. Fear of insects and animals. Nope. Fear of Death. Nope. Fear of water and such. Nope. Fear of broken dreams. Perhaps. Fear of Rejection. Depends. Fear of Losing Something. Yes. Fear of man. Nope. Fear to love. Nope. And the list goes on...

So judging by all that, i'm probably 50% away from becoming a perfectly God-fearing person. Thats a long way to go. But perhaps after 21 years, its not a bad achievement after all.
Then again..... Okay its not important because u can't quantify many things. Only you yourself know where u are...
People might misunderstand you. people might read you wrongly. After all, what you show is not what you are sometimes... Example. The most egoistical guy might be the most insecure inside. Then again, we never really know.
We just take what we see.
And perhaps i'm fond of seeing those little special things in people.. which i consistentally do, and really just be happy that almost everyone has that little bit of goodness and kindness inside them.

Judge not! okay lets emphasise that point today. because its very important. Just this morning i hear my mum saying "just make something up." And i kinda lose respect in that sense for her. Golly, thats lying in a way. It just discredits you sometimes. as a christian, though i know she didn't mean it. i kinda feel a burning desire to correct her. Though its true that one action may speak a thousand words, we never really know. and can we put ourselves in that exact same situation and say we won't do the same?
We can never truly see what is going on around us.

A church childhood friend of mine told me she's in a indifferent stage of her life now. And i'm telling myself.... and asking God... just wondering why people make the choices they do.
We can never truly see what is going on around us, and thus we can never truly understand what is in each person around us....
choices.... why can't everyone make the right choice
and its only when we look back at all we have done, and we realise how much more sensible and right we could have been.
Perfection of Choice. That is the basis of what enthuses me these days.

" I compare human life to a large Mansion of Many Apartments, two of which I can only describe, the doors of the rest being as yet shut upon me - The first we step into we call the infant or thoughtless Chamber, in which we remain as long as we do not think - We remain there a long while, and notwithstanding the doors of the second Chamber remain wide open, showing a bright appearance, we care not to hasten to it; but are at length imperceptibly impelled by awakening of the thinking principle - within us - we no sooner get into the second Chamber, which I shall call the Chamber of Maiden-Thought, than we become intoxicated with the light and the atmosphere, we see nothing but pleasant wonders, and think of delaying there for ever in delight."

by John Keats

-why i think-

i think people just misunderstand, but once they learn to understand u better....
things will work out..

=) smiles
Chen Su Lan Committee Rocks! =)

so it strikes me that they're unhappy with my contributions?
i think they're a little biased honestly.. no offence taken.
but i know i haven't been doing any extras also.
well not since i was free... uni has been such a busy time. and trying to keep up with tutorials is no easy tasks with all the meetings and such going on.
Its funny, but i feel myself placing quite a bit of emphasis on my studies. somehow i'm really happy with my course, i feel its right for me.... i'm not tt happy when people seem to be telling me to give up my studies for my CCA... or seem to be telling me that. i can't really be sure.
maybe i just don't cope as well as the rest of them... maybe i'm just a slower worker.
people probably disagree with that.. but its so easy to point fingers at each other and not remove that speck from your own eye as well.. and that is precisely how i feel.
Its tough, just juggling studies with CCAs, include the 40 Days of Purpose into it and you've got a major block in your life. Maybe thats whats bugging me. admist all the time i have... i have to devote a certain amount of it to school, a certain amount of it to God, and a certain amount of it to my family and friends. CCA is like at the bottom of the list now, as time goes scarce. i don't believe in giving up things that have been with me through my life... or things that will be with me through the rest of my life, just for short term things like that.
And it bugs me!
its really bugging me!!
I guess the question that is being posed to me now is...
Which would you give up, and my answer is immediate!
By questioning me, you seem to be doubting me. and...
it just feels like .... a stomachache.. like u've digested something wrongly, and u just want it to come out.

sometimes, some of us just have different commitments from each other.
i'm actually putting in my minimum during this busy period...
i'd really like to put in more...
but i can't... the situation doesn't allow me to....
haven't u found urself in a situation like this before?
okay, and i honestly have no answer if you say no.

sigh its hard to be perfectly frustration free.. and i am definitely disturbed by this whole issue.
just try my best.. that i know.
there's a sour taste lingering in my mouth from that whole episode..

trying to overwhelm it with sweets and sugar....
"and a spoonful of sugar makes the medicine go down! " - repeated quote.

and lastly a quote from myself...
"i can't give that much to the community without first giving up to God"

ECP ...
Break Water.. Chp 1

We didn't scream all things out... but we certainly had a great time........
i'm honoured to be around u guys!