it is quite a rare moment... where a thought lingers in my mind, even after talking to everyone, even after the sun sets and my msn goes to "appear offline"
the kids at Chen Su Lan today sang... "Jesus, I enthrone you...I proclaim you are king."
i really believe i'm there for a reason.. that even the efforts that i've placed into it have been so much more... because i believe God is helping me out. That even this morning, during Econs Lecture, Roland even gave christian examples... shared a little bit of what christianity, what believing in God is about.... and its been an excellent, fulfilling day of what God is about...
but yet.. that is not the thought lingering in my head....
it is rather.. who'd truly understands me.. that with everyone i meet... its such a rarity that i meet someone that does.... i still long for more that perhaps would see my everyday life, and see through me... look beneath that exterior... that facade. that even behind my smile... things say so much more. even beneath my chatter... there is a thought in my head that circles around. and a thought tt stays there... and i am bothered... i definitely am... that something isn't right around me.... and i wonder why i'm feeling this way.. it could be because i'm tired....
today's bus ride was a refreshing one, and Shifeng and Zin definitely provided great company.. something i've been missing for a while now. that while Ko sing isn't around, perhaps i feel so much more alone that i should be... and this feeling of alone really amplifies itself, in EG tutorial, on the bus to Chen Su Lan, at Chen Su Lan itself.....
i really do need company, and i'm missing it.. somehow...
things do seem to have changed.. and i'm not someone that copes well with it.
it surprises me that some people can sense the slightest change in my moods.. and how some don't.. how some people can so horribly misread whats inside me.... strikes me as hurtful.
through all the children and through his presence in the informal singing session... i still realised he provides me with company. That i can sing his songs.. "and the gift goes on, Thats why He Came and I'll make my heart a bethlehem" during my walk this morning.... and feeling so comforted, really throws all my cares away.... and of course not forgetting.. "Jesus i enthrone you" really puts worship into perspective. that its a little miracle that i've formulated one entire one out of nothing, maybe even out of random thoughts.
God provides. really... even a worship session when i need one.
i once told a friend that "i don't believe in not spending time together with someone i would consider a friend.. " that really.... we need to be in constant communication, consistently being in sync with each other's lives... building and having that relationship. its just like God... forsake him, and u'll drift... and u'll keep drifting till u look for him again.... and meeting my old friends has been a river that flows right through me, bringing life, energy and rejuvenation in this busy busy schedule of mine.... i really do appreciate people giving me their time and energy.... i really do thank them so much for it... that even admists tutorials, lectures, work.... we still take a little time to bank into what we have in this joint account of ours. i can't ask for more...
Again, i once talked to a friend in CSC... and we contemplated why we didn't ask the elderly to join our grant a wish project... and it made me wonder...
why are wishes on the trees for a billabong sling bag, or for some yoda pants, or for nike shoes....
is that all we can provide for each other? if only we could provide a son for the granny that wants her son, or some joy in music for the uncle that needs some warmth... are we truly that practical, that we forget who we are in the end? that we are human.. that we are not animals because we are irrational, that we have hearts that beat, that we care,that we love... that we can think and feel.. not just for ourselves but for each other. that we're not run by instincts to survive.. but rather by our hearts that long for what we so want......
We all want so many things
but ...
without love, i am nothing.
the kids at Chen Su Lan today sang... "Jesus, I enthrone you...I proclaim you are king."
i really believe i'm there for a reason.. that even the efforts that i've placed into it have been so much more... because i believe God is helping me out. That even this morning, during Econs Lecture, Roland even gave christian examples... shared a little bit of what christianity, what believing in God is about.... and its been an excellent, fulfilling day of what God is about...
but yet.. that is not the thought lingering in my head....
it is rather.. who'd truly understands me.. that with everyone i meet... its such a rarity that i meet someone that does.... i still long for more that perhaps would see my everyday life, and see through me... look beneath that exterior... that facade. that even behind my smile... things say so much more. even beneath my chatter... there is a thought in my head that circles around. and a thought tt stays there... and i am bothered... i definitely am... that something isn't right around me.... and i wonder why i'm feeling this way.. it could be because i'm tired....
today's bus ride was a refreshing one, and Shifeng and Zin definitely provided great company.. something i've been missing for a while now. that while Ko sing isn't around, perhaps i feel so much more alone that i should be... and this feeling of alone really amplifies itself, in EG tutorial, on the bus to Chen Su Lan, at Chen Su Lan itself.....
i really do need company, and i'm missing it.. somehow...
things do seem to have changed.. and i'm not someone that copes well with it.
it surprises me that some people can sense the slightest change in my moods.. and how some don't.. how some people can so horribly misread whats inside me.... strikes me as hurtful.
through all the children and through his presence in the informal singing session... i still realised he provides me with company. That i can sing his songs.. "and the gift goes on, Thats why He Came and I'll make my heart a bethlehem" during my walk this morning.... and feeling so comforted, really throws all my cares away.... and of course not forgetting.. "Jesus i enthrone you" really puts worship into perspective. that its a little miracle that i've formulated one entire one out of nothing, maybe even out of random thoughts.
God provides. really... even a worship session when i need one.
i once told a friend that "i don't believe in not spending time together with someone i would consider a friend.. " that really.... we need to be in constant communication, consistently being in sync with each other's lives... building and having that relationship. its just like God... forsake him, and u'll drift... and u'll keep drifting till u look for him again.... and meeting my old friends has been a river that flows right through me, bringing life, energy and rejuvenation in this busy busy schedule of mine.... i really do appreciate people giving me their time and energy.... i really do thank them so much for it... that even admists tutorials, lectures, work.... we still take a little time to bank into what we have in this joint account of ours. i can't ask for more...
Again, i once talked to a friend in CSC... and we contemplated why we didn't ask the elderly to join our grant a wish project... and it made me wonder...
why are wishes on the trees for a billabong sling bag, or for some yoda pants, or for nike shoes....
is that all we can provide for each other? if only we could provide a son for the granny that wants her son, or some joy in music for the uncle that needs some warmth... are we truly that practical, that we forget who we are in the end? that we are human.. that we are not animals because we are irrational, that we have hearts that beat, that we care,that we love... that we can think and feel.. not just for ourselves but for each other. that we're not run by instincts to survive.. but rather by our hearts that long for what we so want......
We all want so many things
but ...
without love, i am nothing.
posted by Matthias | 9:51 AM
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