yay! dave's internet was down and he didn't forget! =)
means so so much.

also thanks luke, and thanks joce for remembering (though late)

on another note.
people are just so hypocritical these days....
its all about criticising others, and never themselves.
what a revelation.
i'm not surprised.
maybe i'm guilty of it too.
oh well....
-shrugs-

botanic gardens

at e beach! happy birthday! to me =) thank you dear

studying tgt

valentines day.. =)

valentines day prez =) for me...

rose-ball! happy valentines day dear

my 22nd Birthday

my 22nd birthday =)
pictures will be up soon....

hmm.... well thank you all for your messages,calls.
Especially the following.
1. Sylvia, though it was according to Canadian timing! but nonethleess,, all e way from canada!
2. Reynard! though u forgot we were having mid-term break
3. Amelia, though i haven't really been hanging out with you for quite a while, and since u went HK!
4. Roohui, for messaging on the last minute of my birthday, i kinda felt it was just beginning
5. Jia jia, and Ko Sing!
6. Serine... only ex-Jc classmate to msg!
7. Acqua! Fred's message was funny!
8. Blue Van and Joel! =) thanks thanks thanks!
9. Jean's Cuzs!
10. Friendster Msgs from Jean Loo esp! haha its been so long since primary school.
11. Xiuqi! see u soon!!!
12. Wayne! my beloved DG leader in Campus Crusade.
13. Fred, my project director from Ethelonther
14. Ivan.
15. Jessica!! really means a lot! thank you!
16. Kings! 6 years =) its simply amazing! blessings from God =)
17. Tim! belated too, since u were at Phuket!
18. Poh! =) thanks thanks thanks!
19. YY the Evil? haha =) ya for the super nice Email! thanks so much!
20. Maner! all the way from UK... thanks so much to u and yy.. really such gd friends.
21. Yvonne! back from HK too.. nice of u to call.. though u got it wrong at first...
22. Janicia. ERM.... once again, my birthday not on 20th. haha

Notable Absentees this year....
DeborahF, Chia Joo, Dave, Woo, Winnie, Emmy sigh oh well
thanks for wishing me the other years =) just a birthday wish only

so okay wow =) thanks to everyone though, u've played a part somehow.

well... ya on to my actual birthday itself.
thanks to my dear, firstly not just for spending so much money....
but really spending so much time on it.... i can't say how much for sure, cos its so so much!
i really appreciate all your gifts, the time spent, the thoughts you went through.
i love you dear...

My birthday in detail...
12am 23rd Feb 2007.. i started receiving so many messages from acqua people
started wondering how come so many, half of which i dun even have the numbers in my phone. oh... haha =) found out my dear did it.. =p
10am. went to fetch her, went to ECP. took a few photos there, she gave me the two lovely presents plus the most special 3rd. 1st :heart keychains that need to be engraved, 2nd : the lovely photo/self-decorated scrapbook! love u!!!!! its so sweet 3rd : =)
11am. went to BFEC, gave her a tour, went to the sanctuary to pray...
12am went to vivo city, we ate lunch at white dog cafe which was okay....then we watched "just follow law", was looking for a picoZ but couldn't find it...
4pm. we went to botanic gardens, wanting to feed the swans, but they were at an inaccessible corner of the pond. so we ended up feeding turtles and fishes with bread i brought along, then the birds too! and a fish jumped out of the pond. but it started raining, just as we were walking looking at the flowers and almost got very wet.
512pm. we didn't erally know what to do then, so i brought herto IMM while she slept in e car cos she was so tired. we spend half an hour looking ard for one of the shops to engrave the keychains for us, but no chance there. we ended up eating at Hoshi Jap Restaurant. which i felt was really worth. we ate claypot, a katsu, and sushi!
8pm. didn't know where to go again, so we went to siglap park and stayed there and chatted a little .. really nice park =) really nice setting
10pm.. went for tea at siglap... before we went back at 12am.
thanks to my dear for such a day.... =) THE BESt BIRTHDAY i ever had!
but its the 1st of many.. i love her so.

and now for the photos =)

Its been a while since i wrote.

Well, after writing my paper on "divorce", truly i appreciate my dear so much. and i appreciate God even more.
That in this realistic realm we call "singapore", where relationships are bound so thin,
and people float from their social boundaries to another as easily as a hot air balloon roam the skies. When relationships and marriages break down because people get together for practical reasons, and pragmatism reigns supreme, it is hard to find true love. And yet i've found it.

That God is so wonderfully magnificent, mystically carving out intricate plans for each and everyone of us. Priceless, yet only if you choose to relentlessly take up the cross and follow him.
And i feel like a testimony to that. That my dear is just one of the many blessings he has showered me with. That, even despite my inadequacies and shortcomings, i am still happy and perfect in his sight.

i love God. i love my dear. and i love my friends.

on a sidenote, i do hope all my friends are doing well; especially Sylvia who still is in Canada.

Everynight, if i dream of my darling,
i'll wake up with a smile.

Darling, i'm always with you. Always.
and i'll always love you.

True love i've found, true happiness i'm bound.
CNY passed so quickly for once, and i'm beginning to appreciate the festivity of it.
Visiting the same old places, yet realising many of them are not around anymore keeps me in silence. That it is a harsh reality that we only truly appreciate what we have, only when we don't have it. And that applies to people so fittingly. I feel sad that they've gone away, that things are not what it used to be, and the commotion has died down. A new generation has come, and the old has gone.... I've lost people i love like my grandpa and uncles. I've gained new people to love like my nephews and nieces. But yet i still sigh at each passing of the day, as i lose a little bit more of once i what was, and take in a little more of what is coming. When will i ever be complete? When will i be made whole?

True love never changes, and that will stay in me forever.
true love never changes, and it'll stay with you forever.
we are made complete in love.

my dear,
i'm sorry i've caused stress.... i'm sorry i made u think abt work....
i'm sorry i made u think how tough and how much work u gonna have....
but on this day, our 1st Valentine's, truly i've received the best present ever.
you. with a ribbon =), and also all those messages in those bottles.
and truly, u make things wonderful and special, and i'll love u forever.
i'm always with you.. just remember that.
and i'll sacrifice everything and anything for you if i have to, without a single regret.
dear, i just want you to be happy, and i'll always be with you...
forever..

pls don't cry, dear.
because i'm with you,
and i'll cry those tears for you
and share those sorrows and stress.
and i'll share the joy i have with you
all just for your happiness.
thats all i ask for.
for your happiness.
not for me,
but for you.
DEAr, its all about you.
i love you.
i'll never be happy without your happiness
Happy Valentines Day Darling =)

my 2007 birthday wish : have a happy family; with love included.

i just want to be with my dear.

just leave each other if u must, but i don't want to know anything. that all the riches in the world could never substitute what i long for.
i just pray and ask u both to stop hurting me. i'm hurt. and i didn't ask for it this way. but i'll continue praying. things this way only hurt me.
it doesn't just hurt u 2. it hurts me. i've a fragile heart. and i don't want to feel this way anymore. i can't handle everything with that in my head and heart. i can't show that strength much longer, and soon; i'll just crumble. i hope, i ask, i pray. but maybe its not enough to change the choices you both have made. if i could ask for one wish this birthday, it'd be for love. not even for me, but for you both. sometimes, i just want to run away.

you know i used to wonder about myself.

family is very important.
and i'm tired.
i need more love around in my house.
i don't want to wake up like today
and keep thinking of what to do, and keep getting bothered by things.
i just want things to be straightforward for once, like a maths equation.

that, i'll contemplate so many different aspects and implications of something now.
i owe it to my parents.
that i'll have such a multitude of random thoughts and such vivid imagination, i owe it all to them.

maybe thats what makes the difference?
not just in studies, but in me.
that i don't have to wake up half the time thinking, but i could just live life as it always is....
without trouble.

trouble creates stress. especially when it means so much more to you.
increased stress compromises performance. a compromised performance results in less expectations, yet less expectation increases hope. and more hope leads to more disappointment, and more disappointment creates struggle, struggle creates trouble.
another chicken and egg scenario!

but i have God. we have God. =)
he cracks the egg open and asks u to come out and follow him.

i've lost 1.2% of my mark for nothing!
desperately trying to get that out of my head....
it happens.

-sigh-

Valentines Day is coming up.

Love

i'm rewriting this post.
its been a while.
i've reconsidered my thoughts before i write it down.
and here it is.

i'm not going to talk about myself, though this is my blog.
and i would really like to talk about myself, because i do need an outlet of thoughts so often.

rather, i'm going to talk about others. not in a critical way of course.

well, lets start with my grandparents.
i know they've shown me more love than i've ever shown them.
In my heart i really love them. Yet i don't know how to show it.
Its only when my grandpa left a few years ago, i remember every single detail of the love he'd shown me. and i've learnt to remember and cherish it.
you know whats the greatest things about grandparents? they shower a lot of love on their grandchildren, because they don't see the bad pts in them, but yet they cherish the good.

well parents now.
well parents are kind of different because they see the best and worst of you. they do love you, but they don't show it all the time. sometimes they're blinded by anger, or frustration. Perhaps as children, we'll only show them the love when we're old. reciprocated love, when we start to cherish their love when we realise we now lack it in our lives. i wouldn't say my family hasn't its fair share of troubles, and i do have to admit it has affected my life more than many could imagine. And people just don't know, and they don't see, and they'll never understand because family is unique. but your parents always love you. perhaps we don't truly love them enough.

Well, brothers and sisters.
They're very forgiving, they love u a lot too. But being on the same social standing, there's a sense of pride involved as they want to make your parents proud. so there's a little tinge of competitiveness too. but once u look past that, usually, its love underneath. and this love really bonds u, not just as family, but as friends as well. this love is something u can count on.

well the above group of people are really special. Why?
though a little bit of it has to come from biological links, but its wonderful Simply because they love you without any expectation of reciprocated love. that you might frustrate and anger each other at times. but u know that their love is pure, and they do it out of nothing, just out of the goodness of their own hearts. u know, thats why its so special. they're always there to show u love if u ever need it.

Well lets go on.
Well.. besties. best friends.
your best friend is the closest thing that comes to family.
the only difference is that, perhaps u both started out from somewhere, probably from an act of kindness, or persevered service.
with besties, trust needs to be gained. but since u're besties, usually the love begins to evolve into a sense of family, self-sacrificial love. perhaps not as majestic because in a way, the love had to be built up. but besties do go through a lot, and the love thats built up becomes very very strong. besties are like family. in fact, they are.

well other friends
other friends do love you, but perhaps it gets more sporadic. they still love you, but its not as sacrifical as one would like. Sometimes it depends a lot more on reciprocated love. if u don't reciprocate, as a friend, perhaps i'd show u a little less love.... but they do care, and they'll remember to love you from time to time.

acquaintances.
well we should love everyone, that we know, even our acquaintances.
but acquaintances perhaps don't really have much room in their hearts to truly love you. the love they'd show u probably doesn't mean that much, but it is still love nonetheless. love is there (for some, not all), but perhaps i wouldn't call it great love, if any. usually, acquaintances are around for other reasons..

just a note: you know, i'd believe if u really wanted to love everyone, everyone would have to be family in a sense. not acquaintances, not just friends, not just in the title sake, but real family... wholly trusting in them. truly would i say then, that u love them.

well next would have to be true love.
true love is special. while true love needs to be built up. true love starts off from a very "pure" love. its not perfect love, but it has to be pure. true love encompasses family love. and the basis of it, is just basically that "i love you" and nothing else. true love starts from love itself. it has everything in love, and is as limitless as love; and thus it needs to grow, becoming more perfect each time. there's no reason for true love. the only reason is love itself.

Lastly.
God's Love.
you know i can't explain this, because this is "love"
and this is where it all starts.

Readers, take strength in his love. grow in Him, revel in his love. its where it all starts.

if God doesn't exist in your "heart", where does he exist?
if love does not come from ur "heart", where does it come from?
if faith is not yours, what faith is there?
its not about all the things you can do or say,
but really its what ur heart tells u within.

i love you.
i love you God.
and i love you dear,
i don't have to say it out cos u know it.
but i do because i really do, and i say it without a tinge of dishonesty in my heart, without an inkling of doubt, but with completeness.