my 1st bday lunch

my 1st 21st birthday lunch, with sylvia.

well... 1. she was really late.
and i found myself asking questions....
like why is it that everything i want for myself never seems to work out perfectly.
like i was hoping she wouldn't be that late
cos e buffet didn't last that long... and i don't see her that often these days. so it would be great if there were a little more time.
but no big deal, at least i realised why... no issue with me, as long as she turns up. there's always a reason.

as of this year, we are old friends since its been 5 years. 5 long years.
yes, 5 very meaningful years, and even if it was just a month i've known her. she has done much more for me that i'll forever consider her one of the best, if not the best friend i've ever had. i owe so much. spiritually, emotionally to her. maybe she hasn't realised it yet... haha it might have seemed insignificant at that time. but much more goes around in the spiritual realm that people don't see. God's gift. i'll definitely miss her so much when she goes to McGill...
actually its about 6 years though, since i met her on the china trip first.

i'm just kinda sad that perhaps i won't be able to celebrate her birthday for her..

e 1st of my birthday meals. we have many many years more to look forward to.

while i am still terribly jaded by why my superior gave me such low grades, not just low but low in comparison to the others as well.... i have no other comments about it.
by all means, perhaps, being "happy go lucky" has resulted in me being one of the most unlucky people in e world. yet, i know how many other blessings i have been showered with.
Life would be boring if it did not happen, and perhaps i have so much more experiences in my life. because of all of this.

people say... 21 is the age of freedom; my auntie gave me a tweety bird figure to signify that.
yet i feel much older than my years.
but i'm still very much immature with feelings. i still live and act by my feelings...
and that is a part of me i am not willing to let go...

being a good person is so hard these days... and i'll never understand why i still refuse to give up on that. perhaps God is holding me up.

"seeing days where the clouds roll by so smoothly,
thinking of the tears falling, when the sky changes its colour,
the day never remains as it is,
sometimes it rains, sometimes its clear,
when shall i hold up the umbrella?
for you, as you have done for me.
that together we share that one umbrella
to stop the tears, to keep us warm
an umbrella that is made for 2,
yet only one can hold at a time.
but a trusty umbrella that lasts the days,
that it becomes much more than that.
the strength to hold back the rain,
the patience to wait for sunny, clear weather,
and the love for us to carry on walking. "

Johnny Walker, keep on walking.

(the last sentence was a little try to be smart-alecky move by me, ignore it.)