mata-o-hitori-desu-ka

are u single? haha...

wait. no thats not the topic for today, just that in another 29 minutes its valentines..
now valentines.. when...
all my guy friends with their gfs, all planning something big for the day. one friend spent 400 to buy a cosmetic bag and different key chains from america. .. only to realise he couldn't buy it due to some billing address problem.
the remaining 3 of us that are single + 1 more who didn't come today...cos he on mc. haha
talk about games, and more mundane stuff that doesn't relate to valentines one bit.
so anyway in our extremely secular world today.
1. money is important
2. so are people
3. our clothes? save them from ur burning house?
4. how the world views u versus ur true self.

so anyway this ex jss student wished me happy valentines just today. and said she's not supposed to wish me tt. golly she's sec1 only. 1. i don't see any reason why she shouldn't be able to wish someone happy valentines. e S*S teachers are getting kinda... caught up with world issues too. mebbe they always have been. maybe parents aren't doing their jobs well these days. you'll never understand things like this, and u'll never have much of a say. when can adults live in humility?
but they're human as well. i'm judging too much lately i realise. perhaps i'm not as close to God as i should be. for each and every person, there is a different level of faith. after a while, its not how much devotional time u put in everyday, its not how much quiet time u spend each day. and people don't realise that. faith alone is so special it relies on something much more important. heart..... so tts faith. its a gift as well. yet love is the greatest gift of them all...
so once again, in this extremely secular world, love has taken on an identity so material. thus the importance of valentines day. over christmas, and easter and so many other days.

i sense a deep rooted anger at the world in me. as people sign up and join for Singapore Idol, u wonder why. fame, fortune, in the end thats what its all about isn't it? once again tim's stance on hypocriticism seeps in. its true. yet how many of us are perfect, and i can't afford to nit-pick.

so anyway i was teaching my JSS kids on the holy spirit and i think i really managed to break through to them and they learnt a lot this time. at least some of them. thats e nature of the class, they learn if they are keen on learning, but ultimately they do =) haf to say bye bye to Uncle Lai Yong's daughter Amber as she moves back! but really, she's been a breath of fresh air. really, focus on God.... i'm impressed not just by her knowledge, her faith but also with her attitudes to life. only pri-6. so young, yet her values, her character is so much stronger than many adults today.

by the way i'm turning 21 soon. i still struggle to cope with my introversion. *happy-go-lucky*, hardworking, ambitious. just some of the terms my friends used to describe me....
after so long. after going through so many things....
i feel... i've lost a certain spark in me. and i wonder why.
i still can feel e essence of the flame within me, yet it seems to be sheltering itself from e rain....
thus my moods lately.
my cynicism has over-ridden me. and i fall back into the depths of the human-ness in us all.

in a way i feel like calling sharon now since she offered that help-line. how can i feel so stifled and stressed by things around me? that i get affected by all the little things that i don't like around me. yet i know my imperfections. and i set such high standards. yet knowing the higher up u are, the harder u fall. and once again the qn is why?

i'm really starting to see the uniqueness of certain people around me right now....
and how the rest just fall into typicality.
can u call urself different? no u're just the same as the worldly person. the secular person.
yet some of u are special. can u see that?
take pride in that. though u might not excel in e world, u excel in e spiritual realm and thats all the more important. u are special because u are unique. because u shun the norm
and being called normal is not the way to go.
cos we are special, and identify urself with that.
that u have a special path


and perhaps after it all....
i'm running on that one experience...
how far can faith carry one through?

love does not manifest itself much in the world today. not true love anyway.

i don't fit in... in some way or another.
not into this world....
tt bugs me so much.
and i don't know why i feel this way.

while u look at the world this way, have u ever wondered how many ways there are to look at the world, yet perhaps u look at the wrong world... that like the "matrix" perhaps u're living in an illusion, and the truth comes only when u pull e plug.
living in imperfection, realising it.
looking at perfection, and longing for it.

Who has seen the wind? Neither you nor I but when the trees bow down their heads, the wind is passing by.
(Christina Rossetti)

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