111

111th entry....
its a new year.. once again
enjoying going to work these few days cos "big boss" is not around. well he is big boss, but he's not tt great.... just likes to see people working. like makes it seem like he's doing his job..
anyway...
looking around me at people in church. they're kinda growing up in all their different ways. struggling not to judge any single one of them, though i tend to, but only in my own thoughts cos of personal issues and all. you look around and u see each and every person and how they change... somethings never change, some always do... yet @ e end of the day its the kind of person they are. and i realise, tts what i struggle with so much... looking around me, i see people that my ego clashes with, i see people that i so want to be friends with, yet they have no interest whatsoever, i see people that wanna be my friends, yet i'm desperately trying to make space for them yet it seems so hard. guess its the same for everyone.

all thanks to woo, who has really done a lot, a whole big bottle of cookies filled with milo balls and a home-made tiramisu which tasted really great? i can't ask for more.... all that home-baked lovelinesss.... just for me as well =) don't i feel special! '

just did up my new diary today, and realise, that this year is going to pass by quickly. which is good.. i look at everyone reflecting upon last yr, and i just ponder. what was my last yr like too? overall at least? i think it was very very bad, thats cos i'm struggling with more and more things in my life everyday. i guess its all the tests i get in building and growing myself up to become a leader... shall be more consistent this year.

Read a "Dawn Yeo" interview from FHM that one of my camp mates brought in today, and immediately she was the talking point. Really, that if good looks matters that much to you, by all means go for plastic surgery. why are people getting jealous? i guess.... not many people believe in the "like me for what i am" anymore. anyway the way she talked about herself made a lot of sense. guess she's an intellectual smart blogger girl. which is gd, means she thinks and got her thoughts sorted out.

okay anyway went to tim's party on 30th. and well we were still talking about it. about how everyone got drunk and all, and how people during the party were and all. i don't enjoy drinking parties at all.... but i have to admit, it was quite amusing watching people get drunk, as long as nothing bad happens. well i left early anyway. showed nat the way to holland rd so she could get to town, she's cool.. i find her somewhat a rough diamond... everytime i see her, she kinda gives me a different impression, then there's the other girls there. just acquaintances.. duno how some people make gd friends so easily and all.. cos i seem to have a problem there.

my dad said "think everyone better than urself" that is a very very good statement that no-one follows and all these days. but yet its one of the fundamentalist ideas of christianity. yet there are few christians that follow it.

well kinda happy, i'm trying to build on my relationship with one of my very good friends i haven't met in a long time called kenny. think i let him down with my stupidity and immaturity long ago in JC, yet i've changed so much. he used to be much more mature than me and i see it now, yet perhaps thinks will be different at this point in time. he's a christian, so i guess we have tonnes in common =) what makes good friends???

so anyway i rejected the idea of working with nick in JSS.. i don't think i can handle working with someone that doens't share the same vision and ideals. remember my hypocrisy post i did a while ago? i think he epitomises it. very close to it anyway, the things he does, the things he says... i relaly duno what to say of it. i know the christian life isn't very appealing to many... and its way tough just living it, yet its a choice... rather than come to church and live a hypocritical life, i rather u not come at all. i really don't know if its only me that thinks that way. Well, i hope i can make a difference to the kids anyway. i hope nick does a gd job with the kids he teaches as well =) its a tough job.

so anyway i really can't stand it when people say things one way, yet what they show is another.. oh well, shouldn't bother with these people. i've felt sad enough about everything the lst year.... i can't afford to this year.
its my 21st year....
its meant to be happy and joyous....
the beginning of freedom

a gd theme for me. it just says everything about this year.
well the freedom of choice is an important aspect, i must make the right choices...

think i shall retreat to my own little corner for most of this year anyway.
i realise socializing isn't that great.
shall retreat into my own "aloof" self i was quite a few years back...
that was the happiest year of my life. sec3. but yet there'll be differences..
i'm still adaptable.

as the new year comes by... i'm looking forward to february, then april. for obvious reasons.

oh and cheers to CG29. i like grace. she makes me feel happy!