carolling and such.
well carolling has been a long long few hours...
and the whole time, through it i was thinking... and thinking and thinking....
What do i want from the people around me?
I realise i have so many flaws w/ respect to my eq.. by no means am i perfect.
I find myself wondering.... how does one break out of his shell....
is having more friends or gd friends more important to me...
where do i find these good friends... everyone in church seem to be social bees, and those that are not seem to have preferences in their friends as well.....
-talking about friendship again-... i always do.
i'm touched by the deepest friendships i have, those with the deepest concern and care for me....
those willing to go the extra mile for me.. its so rare....
i thought so much during carolling, i distinctly remember every moment of it.... in pure detail.. and i shall start here....
I reached church at 525... the bus had not left yet.. Tim drove me over, he really went the extra mile for me, he has done a lot of it for me, and i duno know what to say to him, but really i think he has given up so much more for me than i have for him, yet i want to and i'm thinking of ways how. when i reached there i immediately went to the toilet. but i saw amanda there and was happy to see her though she's quite closed up and all... but its nice to see someone different from the rest. So we went to the first house which was Jamie's house. pretty good warm up place to go to. i was hoping so much to see deborah there. cos she always take a moment, here and there just to spare a thought for me. and tt i appreciate it. sat in front of the bus with jerome... with claire and abigail behind me. they're cool, they appeal more to me.... with their maturity...
at Jamie's house. first thought that occurred to me was, is there something really going on with jamie's brother and roxanne? what a stupid thought, it didn't matter one bit. so anyway.. ya we went in, sang, and went out. didn't have much thoughts, the parents and all didn't really respond. then u wonder what carolling is all about? to spread the good news right! ?
so anyway abck to the bus, was thinking to myself the YAG people really have their own group, and they sing together and all that, and so did the SSS people. where does that place me then?
is it everyone just being cliqueish? no i don't think so, u realise its just some people that are like that.... but it hinders new people from joining in. all e same.
so anyway down to the 2nd place. pot luck cuisine. that was interesting, we were like a live band. think eveyrone stepped up discipline.... oh ya cherlyn scolded everyone on the bus, and sometimes u think.... its hard for her, yet sometimes she encourages it as well.. thats the problem, that lack of consistency. thought of what sharon said about janis being consistent... trying to do that too .so pot luck, we didn't exactly draw in e biggest crowd cos there weren't many people walking by, but those that did came to see and listen and take photos and all that. and the manger was clapping hard! just to encourage us.. really appreciate his effort as well. he gave us tonnes of nice foods. that the part of christmas .....
well it didn't exactly feel like christmas.
so joan's house next. and this house had special meaning, yet u wonder how many people actually were singing and all to try to spread god's love and all... u know i think too much. everyone singing for God. thats all thats important. Ultimately. sigh just that everything has seemed a social thing so far... i think for me its hard.. was talking to claire the night before. having that burning passion for God and trying to spread it to others is such a hard thing, and u always get disappointed by it. and i guess for me, when i find that girl.. she must understand and support me wholly in the aspect. sigh. carolling, a social event.. definitely is. i realise without the people, it would be not as fun and all.. and it was really enjoyable cos of everyone. yet social it still is .amelia and beverly just said they noticed me. to me it doesn't matter now. they spent the whole time with other people, and i really wonder why they came... they never came for any practices or such. u see her becoming closer to mark.... and u wonder... u know how u and her grow more distant. how she goes clubbing so much more and all that. she has fitted into her own culture now, and they don't need u anymore though they wouldn't mind if you were around?
the food there was great.. nice seeing everyone, its a lovely family.
went to toa payoh. saw aunty guat ha there.. this was different. out of every place that we went to, i think it was e most meaningful... that we really brought joy to the place, because it wasn't a party or anything.
then on to cho's house. saw aunty june there. haha she's still so nice to me and i respect her for that. she's a special kinda person...a very different sort of person. one with the passion for everything she does... yeah... well she kinda messed up cho's song. haha but it was out of her passion and love she made that mistke. made the most serious mistake of carolling for me too, where i accidentally started one line too early. anyway, ya people seem to think i have confidence in public speaking... i don't think i do, i have tonnes of insecurities. yet.. i'm confident of myself as well. but i dun enjoy having that facade all the time. anyway saw amelia like posing behind a fan. perhaps i didn't see it in her either.. but she's like a kid, she just follows the latest trend and all.and i don't mean to nit pick but she shouldn't have used the bible verses out of context. thats blasphemy. and she said it in jest. the choices people make. people ever change though... and i guess its only when they truly settle down can us eee what kind of person they really are, and what choices they make.
yeah anyway jerome was going on and on about "her".. and its all the time. he's a romantic. i respect that.. its what kids go through these days. yetit'll pass... i didn't mean to tell people, but i felt that all these older people will give him responses that will actually like help him through it. unknowingly but the responses will help him.after cho's house....
drove down to the han's place
i'm really starting to respect Tim Han... i think there's something about him that strikes u that he's a really good person deep beneath. Plus he's mature. Ivan.. well something else about him. think he's just an extreme social bee. still a little irresponsible though, and very inconsistent.
so the Han's place was great. really the food was great, the atmosphere was great, and the parents were nice, plus their maids were really friendly ! well Daryl Liu asked June this question,.cos marnchi was asking.. like who looks good in YAG and SSS. quite a few names came out.. and u realise those that are not deemed as gd looking actually tend to fade into the shadows in big social gatherings and groups. me too i guess. but ultimaltey thats what most people are. superficial. but oh well.. i really starting to appreciate claire... really i feel that for me, she's been special, and i don't see many other people actually being nice to me... she's actually nice, not like just being a gd friendly nice person, she's nice to me. something different between her and every other girl i meet.
slept over at tim's place that night. i slept early cos i felt that i was kinda out of the conversations anyway. and like it didn't matter to me anyway. a little bit out of place. sleeping was good, it stopped me thinking. life is so serious for me now... and i see all of them, all these young people and how they can enjoy joking around, talking about meaningless stuff like how they wrote for their chinese exams, all the jokes about people, etc... and really.. u wanna live life to ur fullest. what do they bring to u? just another thing to mention to ur friends right. guess its a social stigma. or even worse when they talk about the bible in a wrong way. really, they don't realise how important religion is to some people. irresponsible once again. i realise how everyone still takes to mark. and for me its a repeat of what i had in j1 again... its influence that matters, not how right. cos u wonder.. why is it that they reprimand me... yet they..... SIGH. so much troubles, yet so few know. i wanna be happy again.. u know. anywya i shall cut out "damn" from my vocabulary and replace it with "so"... out of respect. how many people can actually say they're will be saved anyway... we're all not perfect, neither is our faith. deep down inside them they know. but really... like ya sigh it just seems like its all going to happen that way. i really gave up on so many people today.....
i don't think i'm ever gonna really break into the SSS clique or the YAG clique. and i think all i can do is really, just make friends slowly but steadily, one-on-one... naturally with people. example with woo and tim. really at the chalet i was so troubled i didn't have much time for them, yet they always so understanding cos they were concerned about me... i so appreciate that. and u know, i'm trying to find people and groups that i can actually feel comfortable with, that share the same goals and passions in life as me... not YAG people who are concerned with school, with friends and all that, not SSS people who are concerned with jokes/fun...
i mean i like them too, but thats not what i need in my life... perhaps just wants. and at the end, its what u need.... to grow and all
anyway apologies to a lot of people, supposed to stay away from some people...
its only right. "submitting to authority i guess"
anyway i guess giving out presents for christmas....
to friends, not to acquaintances.....
=) get one soon.!
and the whole time, through it i was thinking... and thinking and thinking....
What do i want from the people around me?
I realise i have so many flaws w/ respect to my eq.. by no means am i perfect.
I find myself wondering.... how does one break out of his shell....
is having more friends or gd friends more important to me...
where do i find these good friends... everyone in church seem to be social bees, and those that are not seem to have preferences in their friends as well.....
-talking about friendship again-... i always do.
i'm touched by the deepest friendships i have, those with the deepest concern and care for me....
those willing to go the extra mile for me.. its so rare....
i thought so much during carolling, i distinctly remember every moment of it.... in pure detail.. and i shall start here....
I reached church at 525... the bus had not left yet.. Tim drove me over, he really went the extra mile for me, he has done a lot of it for me, and i duno know what to say to him, but really i think he has given up so much more for me than i have for him, yet i want to and i'm thinking of ways how. when i reached there i immediately went to the toilet. but i saw amanda there and was happy to see her though she's quite closed up and all... but its nice to see someone different from the rest. So we went to the first house which was Jamie's house. pretty good warm up place to go to. i was hoping so much to see deborah there. cos she always take a moment, here and there just to spare a thought for me. and tt i appreciate it. sat in front of the bus with jerome... with claire and abigail behind me. they're cool, they appeal more to me.... with their maturity...
at Jamie's house. first thought that occurred to me was, is there something really going on with jamie's brother and roxanne? what a stupid thought, it didn't matter one bit. so anyway.. ya we went in, sang, and went out. didn't have much thoughts, the parents and all didn't really respond. then u wonder what carolling is all about? to spread the good news right! ?
so anyway abck to the bus, was thinking to myself the YAG people really have their own group, and they sing together and all that, and so did the SSS people. where does that place me then?
is it everyone just being cliqueish? no i don't think so, u realise its just some people that are like that.... but it hinders new people from joining in. all e same.
so anyway down to the 2nd place. pot luck cuisine. that was interesting, we were like a live band. think eveyrone stepped up discipline.... oh ya cherlyn scolded everyone on the bus, and sometimes u think.... its hard for her, yet sometimes she encourages it as well.. thats the problem, that lack of consistency. thought of what sharon said about janis being consistent... trying to do that too .so pot luck, we didn't exactly draw in e biggest crowd cos there weren't many people walking by, but those that did came to see and listen and take photos and all that. and the manger was clapping hard! just to encourage us.. really appreciate his effort as well. he gave us tonnes of nice foods. that the part of christmas .....
well it didn't exactly feel like christmas.
so joan's house next. and this house had special meaning, yet u wonder how many people actually were singing and all to try to spread god's love and all... u know i think too much. everyone singing for God. thats all thats important. Ultimately. sigh just that everything has seemed a social thing so far... i think for me its hard.. was talking to claire the night before. having that burning passion for God and trying to spread it to others is such a hard thing, and u always get disappointed by it. and i guess for me, when i find that girl.. she must understand and support me wholly in the aspect. sigh. carolling, a social event.. definitely is. i realise without the people, it would be not as fun and all.. and it was really enjoyable cos of everyone. yet social it still is .amelia and beverly just said they noticed me. to me it doesn't matter now. they spent the whole time with other people, and i really wonder why they came... they never came for any practices or such. u see her becoming closer to mark.... and u wonder... u know how u and her grow more distant. how she goes clubbing so much more and all that. she has fitted into her own culture now, and they don't need u anymore though they wouldn't mind if you were around?
the food there was great.. nice seeing everyone, its a lovely family.
went to toa payoh. saw aunty guat ha there.. this was different. out of every place that we went to, i think it was e most meaningful... that we really brought joy to the place, because it wasn't a party or anything.
then on to cho's house. saw aunty june there. haha she's still so nice to me and i respect her for that. she's a special kinda person...a very different sort of person. one with the passion for everything she does... yeah... well she kinda messed up cho's song. haha but it was out of her passion and love she made that mistke. made the most serious mistake of carolling for me too, where i accidentally started one line too early. anyway, ya people seem to think i have confidence in public speaking... i don't think i do, i have tonnes of insecurities. yet.. i'm confident of myself as well. but i dun enjoy having that facade all the time. anyway saw amelia like posing behind a fan. perhaps i didn't see it in her either.. but she's like a kid, she just follows the latest trend and all.and i don't mean to nit pick but she shouldn't have used the bible verses out of context. thats blasphemy. and she said it in jest. the choices people make. people ever change though... and i guess its only when they truly settle down can us eee what kind of person they really are, and what choices they make.
yeah anyway jerome was going on and on about "her".. and its all the time. he's a romantic. i respect that.. its what kids go through these days. yetit'll pass... i didn't mean to tell people, but i felt that all these older people will give him responses that will actually like help him through it. unknowingly but the responses will help him.after cho's house....
drove down to the han's place
i'm really starting to respect Tim Han... i think there's something about him that strikes u that he's a really good person deep beneath. Plus he's mature. Ivan.. well something else about him. think he's just an extreme social bee. still a little irresponsible though, and very inconsistent.
so the Han's place was great. really the food was great, the atmosphere was great, and the parents were nice, plus their maids were really friendly ! well Daryl Liu asked June this question,.cos marnchi was asking.. like who looks good in YAG and SSS. quite a few names came out.. and u realise those that are not deemed as gd looking actually tend to fade into the shadows in big social gatherings and groups. me too i guess. but ultimaltey thats what most people are. superficial. but oh well.. i really starting to appreciate claire... really i feel that for me, she's been special, and i don't see many other people actually being nice to me... she's actually nice, not like just being a gd friendly nice person, she's nice to me. something different between her and every other girl i meet.
slept over at tim's place that night. i slept early cos i felt that i was kinda out of the conversations anyway. and like it didn't matter to me anyway. a little bit out of place. sleeping was good, it stopped me thinking. life is so serious for me now... and i see all of them, all these young people and how they can enjoy joking around, talking about meaningless stuff like how they wrote for their chinese exams, all the jokes about people, etc... and really.. u wanna live life to ur fullest. what do they bring to u? just another thing to mention to ur friends right. guess its a social stigma. or even worse when they talk about the bible in a wrong way. really, they don't realise how important religion is to some people. irresponsible once again. i realise how everyone still takes to mark. and for me its a repeat of what i had in j1 again... its influence that matters, not how right. cos u wonder.. why is it that they reprimand me... yet they..... SIGH. so much troubles, yet so few know. i wanna be happy again.. u know. anywya i shall cut out "damn" from my vocabulary and replace it with "so"... out of respect. how many people can actually say they're will be saved anyway... we're all not perfect, neither is our faith. deep down inside them they know. but really... like ya sigh it just seems like its all going to happen that way. i really gave up on so many people today.....
i don't think i'm ever gonna really break into the SSS clique or the YAG clique. and i think all i can do is really, just make friends slowly but steadily, one-on-one... naturally with people. example with woo and tim. really at the chalet i was so troubled i didn't have much time for them, yet they always so understanding cos they were concerned about me... i so appreciate that. and u know, i'm trying to find people and groups that i can actually feel comfortable with, that share the same goals and passions in life as me... not YAG people who are concerned with school, with friends and all that, not SSS people who are concerned with jokes/fun...
i mean i like them too, but thats not what i need in my life... perhaps just wants. and at the end, its what u need.... to grow and all
anyway apologies to a lot of people, supposed to stay away from some people...
its only right. "submitting to authority i guess"
anyway i guess giving out presents for christmas....
to friends, not to acquaintances.....
=) get one soon.!
posted by Matthias | 8:15 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home