dear JC

so much has happened, from Christmas to Meta to Watchnight....
yet... things have seemed so blurred....
Christmas was okay....
to me. perhaps i missed certain people. i missed some really good friends.. but it was okay.
seeing everyone with all their friends really made me wonder where my childhood went. but my childhood has made me a stronger person, and.... they'll never know what it was like for me...

Meta Camp, well.. i really didn't learn much here. yet the experience is something different, something new. perhaps its due to my spiritual maturity and my overall maturity as a person. And i've touched some lives during meta. Think even my leader was touched, cos.... its never easy to cry.. =) but i really admire her, i really have tonnes of respect for her, just as she has for me; i believe. Grace : Unmerited Favour. She looks like Xinyi also. Thats like such a coincidence. I wish her all the best with her Campus Crusade ministry. She shared so openly and so emotionally, u really feel her, in all her thoughts and feelings. Perhaps for her, living a real-life, one thats open to all the struggles, one that open to all the hurt and pain, living closely to Jesus, being a person for Him hasn't been easy. yet.... its a new start, and i praise God for that. Also, Pearlyn.... such a blessing and someone so spiritually mature as well.... i think we've all been blessed. Dianne too, all leaders in our own rights. Well.... i guess i went into meta with problems and came out of it with problems. during the camp, perhaps i managed to discover a little more of myself. How different i am from others, yet how i can spur others on towards living the christian life. I hope William, the youngest member of our group, CG29, and also a member of our church will grow and grow... into an established christian, strong in the faith and the word.... cos he's showing tonnes of potential right now anyway. I see everyone getting into a spiritual high though... yet i didn't.. And well i just hope as high as they get, that it doesn't drop, so many have suffered after they drop into the abyss of spiritual lowness after such a climb to the summit. Well, CG29 was really a special group, how everyone fitted, everyone in different walks of their spiritual life... ad it all came together....i think i might have found some friends, some gd friends.. yet can i be sure?
i told my group, how i wanted to build on the friendships i have, build all the meaningful relationships i had.... and i asked them the question.. "although i always wished i could make e best of friends from this group, i know, deep down inside how because we are all from different backgrounds, we will all probably split up. and what i want is meaningful relationships... " can we face up to reality? i think these sentences really touched my CG. really showing her how we don't hide anything from e world.... how we are spiritually and personally and emotionally transparent.... to everyone... thats how real one can be.

well.... yeah.... hmmm perhaps i told Cheri how i have this fear within me of how i'm scared of losing friends, cos i lost so many.... but well... submitting it to God, and living in freedom of fear really will work. PErhaps thats a themee that just keeps recurring for the new year, living in freedom. freedom of fear, freedom of anger, freedom from urself. yup! however my new resolutions are different, i need to concentrate more on my ministries in church, and perhaps do not get distracted by my own flaws, my own misgivings, my own wants.... cos its not about me. we do not lead the self centered life. there's a friend so young, yet so inexplicably mature.

Watchnight was okay. i guess finally, deborah q said sorry to me which means a lot, think she has changed so much, and from it all, she has learnt so much. i believe that everything i did, was not in vain ultimately. and well for Dorea q .... she's a great person, a great friend.... i really treasure her for all she is. Perhaps, seeing everyone around... i just wonder... to myself again......
"meaningful relationships" - are they truly around? do i have them? i do. well... i stayed over at Jon's house though i didn't fellowship much, i guess most of us have an understanding with each other about each other lives... yet we aren't that close to share our problems, perhaps thats because everyone here has found their listeners in their lives....
well... as the new year ushers in....
i guess one word for everyone would be "take care" .....
including myself....

thats all for now..
on a side note..
1. thanks woo for the cookies u specially made, really i've not done my part and gone over and collect it but..thank you! i will soon.