Realisations.

Realisations...
I've realised a lot this year.
I've realised my need for guy friends much more than ever. i mean, my good friends are mostly girls, but thats cos girls are sweeter, we do not get jealous of each other, no egos, and all....
oh well, but at the end of the day, i am still waiting for e one.. the long term one in my life....
well been just going through some stuff and like well i realise that there are seriously good guy friends out there for me. Like i know i've been hurt by what Daniel did to me but... well let bygones be bygones, and well guys can forgive and forget. Doesn't help that most of my friends chose to follow him, ouch* that hurts even more.
Really once bitten twice shy, and well tts why i'm very hesistant with guy friends these days, haven't exactly been nice to them, perhaps its time i let go, and today while talking to shuhui, ya i realise how i really would like to have my guy friends back....
it also helps to see how i can see 2 very good friendships developing in camp. Tim and Woo. Really sorry to woo that i couldn't join him today for Rice table though, promised shu i'll teach her stats today; and it kinda dragged, cos we met late anyway. ate at borders bistro and there was this waitress trainee there who reminded me a lot of some bubbly actress/singer. And i realised that i really like girls like that. E cool, calm, funky girl does not suit me at all. i am a very homely person, one that thinks and dreams, and i totally believe in God. Trying to be more of a leader now, i do have my problems but trying to be a leader to my friends in terms of christianity. It fulfills me.
Today bought a really nice present for Deborah's birthday, from my cuz' shop and my aunt was asking if she was a casual friend or special friend. and she was saying how i shouldn't spend so much but i chose to anyway, and i realise that like ya its what i enjoy doing, cos i love my friends so much and i realise how many people really want me to be their friends. its so few. so i should treasure those that really do. thinking of opening my blog to more people... its kinda secret but... ya maybe there are more friends out there for me. Claire helping me wuith the present cos i got no faith in my art skills, but it'll be really sweet, hope she likes it a lot.
So anyway Tim is gonna read this blog really soon... really glad friendship has really blossomed. I really didn't expect to meet guy friends that are so great. But Tim, u really think too much of me... And well, the lunches are great, really love them. Sometimes i feel bad getting all the treats as well...i'm always busy.... cos i'm caught up with church, sometimes with particular girls and other friends and groups of friends. and i always feel so bad turning people down, not being able to make it for lunches and all that. well...
just wish i had more guy friends in church though. iknow there are guys like nick, jon, blue van, etc.. but they just aren't guys that care enough about me. i dun trust them that much, maybe blue van..... and jon cho... but i just wish i had guy friends in church that were a little more special, trustable.
Another thing, i realised that i really demand and want a lot of compassion, attention and things from my friend. i expect them to be always there when i want them to be, i want them to listen to all my problems and all.... and i was thinking, what if i don't listen, don't give them enough compassion and attention like i want... then aren't i just as bad a friend as i would judge others?!
i shouldn't judge others, its one of the hardest things to do in life.
so anyway realise i haven't had pictures lately so here is one.
charlize... theron, while every other guy is going on about jessica alba. here's my dream girl.

oh in between photos just liek to say to like sylvia, shuhui, tim and others that thank me for stuff.. i really wish u wouldn't thank me, because i enjoy doing all that, i enjoy u talking to me, i enjoy listening to u, i enjoy all that.... i enjoy talking to u too! just so happy that there are people there that i mean so much to and people out there that mean so much to me. truly like "one in a million".. well... anyway i was just joking abt my social life being tt gd, truly its not, i realise more inherent problems in my life now that ever before. i guess i've seen another perspective of a lot of things. think i'm a little insecure but i'm not gonna admit it. i'm quite confident too. both at the same time. cocky yet insecure. wonder what people think about that. anyway i must learn to let go. i've always struggleed with that.

so anyway next photo, in army i learnt a few simple tricks in photoshop which really make people look stupid. decided to work on myself haha...

i telling u i look damn FREAKY here. it scares mee.. there's a big nose one but i can't load it plus i look damn ugly and stupid inside so i decided not to. haha.

so last of all would be my recap for today. after all e extras i had.... it was time to rest. had a lot o f fun the previous day at weijie's birthday dinner.. really just feels good that i was part of it cos he's a really good person. yeah well today so i woke up just to eat then slept again waiting to go orchard to meet shu, to teach her stats and shop for the present. so after searching e entire taka and wisma realised i had nothign to buy from there, decided to go to my cuz shop to get something from there, at the same time help their business out. ya met shu and we went to borders bistro and they have mahjong paper tablecloth!! haha gusse what we did, we scribbled all over the paper and like used it for stats... haha i think the waitresses and waiters were really amused! we stayed there for hours. really impressed by shuhui's focus.. she's much more focused on work than i ever was in jc. but i guess i'm pretty focusesd as well. she works hard and well she doesn't get complacent like i do about my studies. i'm sure she will do well, and will try my best so she does well in stats. oh well.. anyway e entire table was scribbled with AIDAN. haha sex and the city. guess he must be really cute, must go check him out one day. alll the dream guys and girls. haha and well kinda talked about my 21st! she's gonna be my birthday planner which is cool, thought of a really neat idea for it..! so ya, was supposed to meet woo and reynard but the thing with reynard got cancelled cos the other cousln't make it and woo's one i couldn't go cos i was busy teaching stats. Really sorry to both but i'm sure they understand that i had that appointment first... yup so that ended the night and i came home to watch Man Utd lose to blackburn. upset of the season so far. which reminds me all that competitive stuff... people should be less competitive. wondering what everyone else is doing now.

waiting for more money. kinda short of it lately.

my wish list.

1. my wife-to-be

2. ORD

3. birthday

4. dear friends

5. my dad to return from overseas, really going overseas too much.

(no particular order)