hypocrites of the faith

hmmm...! i woke up in one thought...
i fell asleep again...
then i realised i had nothing else to do except eat.
then after that i had even less to do... so i went out to run...
and now i'm back here. thinking what next. maybe someone will keep me company.
people have been an integral part of my life. well sometimes i feel i'm not part of theirs.
like.... when i'm feeling alone, no one really bothers to keep me company.
thats a huge problem... i'm obviously getting very very self cenetered! i should keep other people company! YES! okay problem solved....
okay unless people don't want my company, then tts an even bigger problem.
like how people make choices.. maybe they like to sit with other people!
okay... shall not be so sensitive... shall not feel like that... its not really important.
i really need to find ways to keep my enthusiasm levels up. like HI!! hows things?!!!
anyway i realised someone's becoming a really nice person..... i found it quite amazing how she really stood out among everyone else in e camp... like there's something special developing..
was probably in her all along though..

and just a note.
i felt really mean cos i actually said someone was condemned accidentally for the way he dressed going to church.... and i didn't really mean it. i like meant it as a warning to others not to do it.
argh. huge sin u know! sigh.. been repenting for the last 2 days, but i still feel bad!
sigh... ! (another huge mistake in my life) God forgives me.... he forgives everyone.

yesterday, anyhow we discussed what we wanted in a cell group. whether it'd be support, friendship, or just bible study... and someone said "actually all of us are coping fine on our own..."
and i was thinking.. YES! thats it... i don't need people around me... sometimes just God and I really is the best thing in your life. like people are trouble, they make things complicated, they mess things up, they make u ponder, think, sad, happy... make ur moods go up and down, make u worry. and even Muthamma Gandhi went into selcusion and so did so many others. like the nuns... like monks... to achieve that state on enlightenment. we did a little study on Amos in YAG. and how every persecutes the good, and how the prudent man stays quiet... and...
perhaps u can interpret that as...
staying away is the best thing to do?

i wonder. i also find it sad how parents can stand in your way even when u're an adult.. and not allow u to choose what values and principles, and what faith u want to follow.. everyone is entitled to their own choice. and well...

"i wonder what is mine"
i prayed yesterday.. for forgiveness, for how i and so many others in the world, are not able to sacrifice ourselves wholly for him.
we are all hypocrites of the faith. till we make our choice to do that.