hope springs eternal
i am damn weird.
i feel quite screwed up...
today a lot of things happened, a lot for thought.
and... i just felt so unstable all the time.
actually. it all started yesterday....
how YAG is going through so many changes again.. and like there'll be restructuring and all that!
and i think to myself... i'm tired of this... i don't want any more changes. can't i just be in a place where everything is set nicely for me....
then, my cell group is undergoing changes, and my old cell group... and i don't know how all the changes are going to turn out like. but i just think everything was stable and unchanging...
i feel that the group of people i hang out with always changes. sometimes its deborah, sometimes its claire, sometimes its dorea, sometimes its debs, sometimes its cheri, sometimes its my cell people, sometimes its mark cai, sometimes its army people, sometimes its ivan, etc. etc. etc. and can't it stick?
like where's my best buddy in all of this... lost... through experience; and i wish that didn't happen. like... tt was a cruel joke.
and he doesn't even believe in God now. and we drift further and further apart....
like people on the chiangmai trip... i don't know. i think friendships are slowly fading all the same. not many people are constant. maybe kings is the most constant one... and thats funny, yet special. i'm pretty surprised....
i wonder if going to uni will change anything.
in honest opinion.. church is a really unsteady place. things keep changing.
and today i felt tired just singing to God.. just felt tired hearing about the conservative evangelical church and the charismatic church make up. like...
WHY NOW?!!!
tell me.. like why couldn't u see it earlier, or why did u choose a day of prayer to show Singapore u've made up? it totally took the significance out of us praying... sigh.. i really don't understand.. and i think i'm weird.
i keep praying for understanding. not just of myself, but for things going ard me, and i don't seem to be getting any answers.... its like God is just keeping me in doubt. even though i want to know the truth so much.
i'm kinda down at the moment.
kinda... just waiting to meet just one person. one person thats willing to give up everything for me, and i for him/her.
=the concept of love=
"i'm cynical, i'm jaded, i'm tired of struggling, i'm tired of fighting, tired of living. can't i just give up? maybe i should be a little more careless when crossing the road"
oh yes. hope springs eternal. =)
i feel quite screwed up...
today a lot of things happened, a lot for thought.
and... i just felt so unstable all the time.
actually. it all started yesterday....
how YAG is going through so many changes again.. and like there'll be restructuring and all that!
and i think to myself... i'm tired of this... i don't want any more changes. can't i just be in a place where everything is set nicely for me....
then, my cell group is undergoing changes, and my old cell group... and i don't know how all the changes are going to turn out like. but i just think everything was stable and unchanging...
i feel that the group of people i hang out with always changes. sometimes its deborah, sometimes its claire, sometimes its dorea, sometimes its debs, sometimes its cheri, sometimes its my cell people, sometimes its mark cai, sometimes its army people, sometimes its ivan, etc. etc. etc. and can't it stick?
like where's my best buddy in all of this... lost... through experience; and i wish that didn't happen. like... tt was a cruel joke.
and he doesn't even believe in God now. and we drift further and further apart....
like people on the chiangmai trip... i don't know. i think friendships are slowly fading all the same. not many people are constant. maybe kings is the most constant one... and thats funny, yet special. i'm pretty surprised....
i wonder if going to uni will change anything.
in honest opinion.. church is a really unsteady place. things keep changing.
and today i felt tired just singing to God.. just felt tired hearing about the conservative evangelical church and the charismatic church make up. like...
WHY NOW?!!!
tell me.. like why couldn't u see it earlier, or why did u choose a day of prayer to show Singapore u've made up? it totally took the significance out of us praying... sigh.. i really don't understand.. and i think i'm weird.
i keep praying for understanding. not just of myself, but for things going ard me, and i don't seem to be getting any answers.... its like God is just keeping me in doubt. even though i want to know the truth so much.
i'm kinda down at the moment.
kinda... just waiting to meet just one person. one person thats willing to give up everything for me, and i for him/her.
=the concept of love=
"i'm cynical, i'm jaded, i'm tired of struggling, i'm tired of fighting, tired of living. can't i just give up? maybe i should be a little more careless when crossing the road"
oh yes. hope springs eternal. =)
posted by Matthias | 8:45 AM
2 Comments:
"just waiting to meet just one person. one person thats willing to give up everything for me, and i for him/her."??
actually you already have bro, you already have. but it's not easy to accept this. it's tiring. especially when you're at the crossroads of your life and you feel so lonely.
"It is only with the heart that one can see rightly, what is essential is invisible to the eye."
(Antoine de Saint-Exupery "The Little Prince")
so take heart! :)
Hope humbly then; with trembling pinions soar;
Wait the great teacher Death, and God adore
What future bliss He gives not thee to know,
But gives that hope to be thy blessing now.
Hope springs eternal in the human breast:
Man never is, but always to be, blest.
The soul, uneasy and confin'd from home,
Rests and expatiates in a life to come.
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