sigh...

sigh so many weeks have passed
and my life has been like a roller coaster...
i look at myself in e mirror and see all e flabbbbb...
so sad.. u know i can just pity myself right now...
i'm always gonna be that fat duck.
i look around at the people around me, and they all seem so happy... seem so carefree
and i realise.. that for me, my world is centered around me, so make this resolution to center it around people, to always care about others and not for myself and yet i still get hurt. disappointed. it always amazes me how things turn out exactly the opposite i wanted it too...
how i just pour out my life to people, and only to find out......
SIGH really one big sigh, i don't really know who to trust anymore. perhaps God is really my only refuge...
where is that one person for me that i can trust forever? can't i meet her one day?
think i'm actually liking someone again, but yet so jaded, like whats the point of liking anyone, it just invites gossip, like people are just gonna talk, and it never works out anyway.not for me at least... why can't i meet someone i can trust.
like how can people just put on a front for their own sake? ! like just so they can give a decent public appearance?S like what for? whats the point of me sharing everything i care about with them when they don't reciprocate it... why is it i care about them yet they care about others....
am i meant to be alone?
i find myself.. even myself tending to put on a fake kinda happiness these days. i don't fit in... i'm too serious for all of them! i feel outcasted sometime, i don't talk about the same things as them... and when i try to , i jsut seem to end up like a fool. like cos i don't think when i do. its so rare to find people theses days that care to talk about more than like gossip, other people, or like experiences that make people laugh, where are those that share their deepest darkest secrets, their life, their sadness, their joys with u? i need special people around me. i don't wanna laugh for e sake of laughing, saying things for e sake of saying things.
i know that in my life... there are few that care for me yet, i'm so happy for them.. that they care....sometimes i wish the person i want to care for me e most did, but they never do.. and i get sad.... but i realise its not about me, i should care for them, rather than they care for me. i don't think i can trust things with anyone now, like whats with all that talk about transparency to others, seems like i'm e only one practising it. and its SAD! cos i'm getting so jaded doing it. how can u get disappointed over and over again..? like everyone has their limits!
from today onwards, i shall dao every single person that has disappointed me one way or the other.... i'm sure they don't really care.
i know. its all cos i'm too transparent, people just look past me. it happens so much...
i'm not DEpressive la
anyway
i'm like way okay
like things actually rock
so many cool and fun things ahppening in my life.
like ya, get disappointed once who care sright, there are others who will make u feel better
life is all about optimism
people appreciate!
u know.
see i'm writing my blog again, shall type in my journal entries too. wanna post photos too
i miss certain people, i don't know why, and the rest, i don't have enough concern for everyone in my life, guess i just have to choose a few.
i sitll miss a lot of people
today was fun.
it was good.
i think i've become a better person.
one day someone will like this fat duck for who he is.
the world is shallow i know
but it might be another fat duck. but u know at least tt fat duck has a heart of pure gold. so fine, so beautiful.....
like beauty lies within.. =) i like u for the love u had inside u, not for ur smooth complexion, for ur good looks or like ur charisma....
haha who cares what others think