plan-etary magic

2010-02-14T23:57:00.000-08:00

600th Post.
I'm happy with how i've grown since the times of the 599th post.
Thanks to God.
Who made the heavens and the earth.
And who made me.

I'm a Christian.
Under the tutelage of Jesus,
Submitted to His purpose,
According to His righteousness
And in the midst of His plan.

4 years might have gone.
I might have accomplished much in man's eyes.
But, I have not accomplished much in God's eyes.
Good works i have done little of,
But, Faith I have grown.
And, I will accomplish more in the next many years.
At least in God's eyes.

2007-08-09T09:20:00.000-07:00

its my 599th post..
sigh... i think i'm going to stay up the entire night...
dun feel like sleeping today...
shall go spend time alone....

2007-05-10T11:03:00.000-07:00

my new combined blog with davina dearest =)

www.matthiasanddavina.blogspot.com

please do visit =)

Untitled

2007-05-09T19:19:00.000-07:00

i have new hamsters, bibi and bobo.. thats bobo ^ there.

he's been running nonstop the entire night.... i've been kept awake by the squeaking of the wheel but he finally went to sleep this morning..

On another note.....

SM interview today. Wonder what things will be like... Hmm.. Sure got issues to iron out. After all, we have our own paths, our own personal relationship with Him, and personal convictions that might differ from person to person. =)

CSC camp... will be getting busier and busier... hmm... wish it didn't take up tt much time, but that we could all just participate and have fun tgt, but of course, its important to give time to build on things to bond people, and help the camp grow together.

A whole load of other things cropping up as well, looks like a busy 3 months.

Exam results also bugging me a little, i'm a little worried for a few of my subjects. but all trust in God.

Trust in God. Its something you must always repeat to yourself when you're feeling disappointed with life or with people. He will make things alright.

Which brings me to the next point which i find interesting. (Something for readers)

Biological Essentialism/Evolution of the Mind

Intelligent People vs Intellectual People vs the UnIntelligent/Non-intellectual.

Whats the difference? (of course we can say its all comparative)

Going by Academic Grades, everyone is intelligent... and the more intelligent people are those that score better?

But.

Don't you always wander that perhaps the person that kept quiet the most knows the most and actually had much wiser and more relevations to reveal than the person that seems to know everthing. Truly, the intelligent person keeps quiet. But to disclaim that previous point, the intelligent person does not always keep quiet, but chooses to keep quiet at the right times. The intelligent person is someone that truly epitmoises the phrase, "more than meets the eye". The truly intelligent person does not have any need to show his intelligence. He can be as plain as can be. Truly, never judge a book by its cover.

And the same goes for intellectuals who perhaps have an entirely unique way of thinking. Dyslexics like Lee Kuan Yew is an intellectual. His Son Lee Hsien Loong is an intellectual.

Perhaps you can see it from the way they think, forged both by genetics and by their environment and experiences. Each of them is unique, but they are surely complex in nature.

The Unintelligent people/Non-intellectuals?

What are they like? They are unique too... i'd like to call them the simpletons. They generate order in the disorder of complexity. They create lines that are otherwise greyed. They are just what you see them to be, an honest representation of who they are, and for that, they must be commended.

Its crazy to come up with classifications like these. But, they are evident in our world today. Which do you want to be though? In sociological or psycho-social terms, perhaps you might see the intelligents as the present, the intellectuals as the future and the unintelligent/Non-intellectuals as the past. But now we must question, which is truly better, the past, the present or the future, and perhaps you might understand yourself and this world a little more.

I'm probably an intellectual. But yet i see time reversed as the solution to our problems.

The ends does not justify the means and is the means and the ends in itself.

On Another Note.

I'm missing my darling. my dearest davina... its nice to have found your soulmate.

and i shall cherish her every single day of my life.

We face troubles and obstacles in our way. But we shall start together and finish together.

2007-04-29T00:09:00.000-07:00

Mr Frederick R. Sabapathy left earth today. He left behind a legacy of inspiring memories, with his wife.
And i thought to myself... He was a great man, and he'd be happy to see how many he has touched and inspired; not just to be successful servants of God, but loving people.
Whilst i might not have been close to him, his motivation to be a God-centered man truly amazes. I respect and admire what he has done for his wife as well, through thick or thin, always enjoying, always loving her. I want to do the same for my dearest.
I have my shortcomings, and perhaps i might not be as docile and sweet a man as Mr Fred once was, but i'll continue trying my best and working towards that attitude he carried. I too, want to continue not just his legacy, but God's purpose for him and for me; something we share in common. An outstanding role model for me to follow, encapsulated in his death today, i will forever remember him and his wife "Matron" (Patricia) just as she said she'll always remember me, the "commando" in her eyes (through the days i went to alpha to lead in my army uniform), and charged me to always serve God in my own ways. Thank you Mr Fred, you're one of the founders of my church, Bethesda Frankel Estate Church, and i am happy you're in heaven right now.

On a separate note, my dear has been struggling through her exams over the last few weeks, and her papers have been hard, and her time short. I just pray and want to post a note of encouragement here for her. Darling... i am with you. keep going and lets live that life pleasing to God, not just to succeed but to share His love with all those around. Its one more day for you, and we've come so far, even though its just one semester. Look forward, not just to tomorrow but to the days of salvation and when we will reach heaven. I will stay by your side always, and i want to see you through till the day you'll reach his almighty kingdom. With you darling, always. =) i know you might not see this now, but i always love you, and i'll try my best to always show it and make it known. your dearest... =)

2007-04-13T03:03:00.000-07:00

i just wish i were right sometimes
and so many people wouldn't see me as wrong.
sorry everyone.
i am true to my heart, and i'll always be true to God.
i will walk away one day, in my heart, faultless.
in your eyes, a sinner.
but i am true to God and to what he impresses in my heart.
i'm different
i'm a deviant.
but i'm e deviant towards God.

2007-04-13T02:31:00.000-07:00

i always wonder.
ALWAYS.
Why won't God help when it matters so much.
Why he allows the most impossible thing happen, that we might suffer.
its God. it truly is.
but i will always remember.
that it all doesn't matter.
what matters cannot be measured.

we are all false preachers of his word.
we all fall short of his purpose.
Singapore is doomed the minute we allow ourselves to embrace the world.
i am doomed.
i shall go to hell some day.
and know it was because i didn't have enough courage to stand up.

2007-04-13T02:26:00.000-07:00

sigh.
u know life is always unfair.
it always is
the good people who helps everyone else never does well because no one really helps her in return.
u know... sometimes you can do so much, yet achieve so little.
sigh.
maybe we're all fools chasing after perfection.
sigh i'm mean
and i don't wanna study anymore.
i want to get away from all this unfairness

2007-04-13T01:10:00.000-07:00

Soci, the way of seeing.
Truly. Everyone sees things their one way, me included.
And thats the beauty of it, Sociology does not have any particular way of seeing things.
U imagine, U link, U create.
Thats it, thats sociology.
Oh yes, it might be dull and demoralising if what you see is just something someone else has seen before and really, its nothing new. But thats the beauty. You see it, and you Must See more.

u look through the smallest of cracks, and yet you can see the whole world.
and i promised my darling a present this small --> .
haha =) it could be so dense. expansion is always a real possibility.
yet we cannot lose sight of the dot. *laughs

Anyway i need prayers for my EG1109 Statics module because i've been really doing quite badly, and i just ask for prayers to help me get a decent grade.
Besides that.

Gd luck and God bless to u all taking ur exams.
"Hold on firmly to all thatn will last forever, and not material wealth."
Like. Friendships =)
and people you love.
i love my darling so so much.. so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so much.

Heaven is waiting for us.

2007-04-08T07:14:00.000-07:00

its almost the end of sem 2....
you know exams are coming......
and you really start to worry...

=( *s-i-g-h.

you know, really, thank God for everything.
For the subjects i do well in, i just have to thank him for giving me such a wonderful brain.
really, i'm blessed
though, maybe compared to so many out there, it might not be the best,
but its good. it always is.
even though, i might fail some things, but i know, he'll provide a way for me.

i've worked hard this sem, probably harder than i've ever worked before.
but i didn't do it for myself, and i'm happy and proud to say that

For my darling :
I love you. I might not be the most successful or smartest engineer or guy out there.
I might not provide u with diamond rings, or shopping sprees.
I might try so hard, yet be unable to find a good job to support you.
I might not be the best boyfriend, or even hubby.
but i love you. i always will, and to me, you're always above all those things,
even above me. and all i have, i give to you.
M.A.D
Matthias and Davina.

i hope i'll be of some use, somehow.

2007-03-24T17:07:00.000-07:00

an excerpt from a friend
" shall follow my footsteps closely,
And hope that it will bring me to the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.
Time is something i cannot afford,
something i do not have on hand.
If i don't do it now,
I couldn't do it anytime else.
But do i have to do it?
I could take the leap,
Like how i did to be here a thousand miles away from my parents.
This leap of faith,
Shall be my compass,
That will guide me to what i'm looking for."

Well Said. =)

2007-03-24T07:05:00.000-07:00

i ask everyone that reads this blog
please pray for me and my dear, davina
=) God will move mountains
and we're asking u to pray with us,
for our love, for god.
for us to be together...

2007-03-24T06:32:00.000-07:00

to my dear...
in this tough period.. with that huge obstacle in front of us, which seems almost immovable.

let me offer you some hope.

i love you
and this love will not fade
this love will shine through
and God will make a way
no obstacle is absolute to God,
and he'll always help us to get past it.
i love you dear.
no matter what,
we're in this together
You, Me and God.
and who can stand between us.
i love you
and we'll be together
always together
no matter how long it might seem to another

2007-03-21T08:49:00.000-07:00

S-i-g-h.
I'm sorry....
You know,
i don't really know what strength entails,
because i rather be weak so you can feel strong.

i'd rather be poor, so you could feel rich
i'd rather be nasty, so you could feel nice
i'd rather be stupid so you could feel smarter.
and maybe i already am all those things.

but... all that i am, is not because of me, but is because of God
and he has graciously accepted me for who i am.
just as i accept everyone for who they are, even if i might seem to struggle with it.

i am sorry....
accept me...?

its always a struggle when we lose a part of ourselves.
but it makes us stronger.
and cherish and build on the things we still have.

If i had a dream, i'd be a nobody.
insignificant.
with nothing.
and at least i could make the choices i really wanted to make.
rather than get influenced by what i already have.

i made the choice that i really wanted to make, with you,
without any influences.
with nothing at all.
and God let it be.

Remember, that to me : I am nothing.
and you are everything.

Unity, We preach Unity

2007-03-20T18:38:00.000-07:00

Proverbs 3 : 19-20
The Lord by wisdom founded the earth;
By understanding He established the heavens;
by his knowledge the depths were broken up,
And clouds drop down the dew.

(This verses show the glory of wisdom before God.
That it was his plan that he created the earth and the heavens,
such cataclysmic events, or even the simple things such as moistening
of the earth with dew drops.)

How Great is our God.

Jesus said " I am the way, the truth and the life."
Look unto him.

You know as a christian
I disagree at the way we disagree in how we love our God.
We preach unity of one body in Christ, yet we never do practice it.
We show disdain for the other when he does something differently.

For me, having joined Campus Crusade as an ardent follower of the ways of VCF,
its been a wonder.
I am sure, no matter which side i'm in, they'll support and encourage me.
But yet, we still take sides, still so aware of our differences and unable to come to terms with it.
we know we are one people, yet in our hearts we have different shades of red

John Ng preaches unity, and that is what the world needs now.

We do not walk to the war with different lines,
we walk to the war like the spartans did in the movie 300.
No weakness, our strength in Him, together, as a unit.
Our faith intricately interlinkes, sending power from Him through the ranks.
and that is the way we fight; with God.

But shame on you, you who betrayed Him.

2007-03-18T08:32:00.001-07:00

=) its.. 1132pm.

2007-03-16T11:02:00.000-07:00

sigh, no one's any good knowing me.
sigh, i really think so.
i'm a j-i-n-x.
sometimes, i just want to rid the world of someone like me.

I always feel like trouble everywhere i go.

Am I of so little use, yet of so much worth?
Or am i of much use, with so little worth.

2007-03-10T21:26:00.000-08:00

In John Ng's Message today,
There is true fellowship with God in gratitude.

O Lord, our Lord, how majestic is your name in all the earth! You have set your glory above the heavens. From the lips of children and infants you have ordained praise because of your enemies, to silence the foe and the avenger. Psalms 8

And he asked. What do parents want from their children?
Is it obedience? money? love? Or is it gratitude and Harmony?
I take time now to say a thank you. Thank you God.

Do you feel like a nobody?
Nobody might seem to care, you just feel like a failure based on your own failures.

But the Question is....
"Who are you in God's perspective? What are you in God's perspective?"
Gratitude comes from a recognition and experience of who God is. What is God to you? Is he divine? majestic? He is who he is, just as we are who we are.

In Matthew 21. Jesus healed many, and the children were praising him. The chief priest and the pharisees were yet unhappy. And Jesus said..."I am God" Only in these children's inadequacies did they truly see God's strength.

v2. "From the lips of children and infatns you have ordained praise because of your enemies, to silence the foe and the avenger"

"A self made person will find it difficult to be grateful.

"Looking at the star-studded night sky, the psalmist is overwhelmed with a sense of the relatively ephemeral and frail character of human beings and wonders why the Creator pays any attention to such infinitesimally tiny creatures." Anderson.

v4. "What is man that you are mindful of him, the son of man that you care for him?"
Why God?

"We are more God like than beast-like"

v5 "You made him a little lower than the heavenly beings and crowned him with glory and honour."
We are special....

The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings,
but shorter tempers; wider freeways, but narrower viewpoints.
We spend more, but have less; we buy more, but enjoy it less.
We have bigger houses and smaller families; more conveniences, but less time;
we have more degrees, but less sense; more knowledge, but less judgment;
more experts, but more problems; more medicine, but less wellness.

We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly,
laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry too quickly,
stay up too late, get up too tired, read too seldom, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom.
We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values.
We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.
We've learned how to make a living, but not a life;
we've added years to life, not life to years.

We've been all the way to the moon and back,
but have trouble crossing the street to meet the new neighbor.
We've conquered outer space, but not inner space.
We've done larger things, but not better things.
We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul.
We've split the atom, but not our prejudice.

We write more, but learn less.
We plan more, but accomplish less.
We've learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more information to produce more copies than ever, but have less communication.

These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion;
tall men, and short character; steep profits, and shallow relationships.
These are the times of world peace, but domestic warfare;
more leisure, but less fun; more kinds of food, but less nutrition.

These are days of two incomes, but more divorce; of fancier houses, but broken homes.
These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throw-away morality,
one-night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer to quiet, to kill.

"Our God is far greater than words can make known,
Exalted and holy, He reigns on His throne.
In infinite splendor He rules over all;
Yet He feeds the poor sparrows, and He knows when they fall.

He rides the wild heavens, He strides thro’ the seas;The high mountains tremble to hear His decrees.
His voice with great thunderings sounds from above;
But to His own children He whispers His love.

His power is great and will ever endure,
His wisdom is peaceable, gentle, and pure.
But greater than all these glories I see,
Is the glorious promise that He cares for me.”

I teared twice today...

i love you so much.

2007-03-10T16:48:00.000-08:00

i beg our God.
Give light, in such darkness, and open our eyes, so we can see it.

2007-03-10T16:14:00.000-08:00

thanks to pris and to lihao! =) sigh i miss both of you.
really a lot.... i'm starting to struggle....
yet i know u're all around....

you know,
when i first thought of dying, it was because i didn't want to live this life anymore, its too hard to study and do well, too hard to juggle all my emotions, too hard to struggle alone.
After i knew Christ, when i thought of dying, i saw it as freedom, and i wanted to do it to free myself.
But today, as i think about dying, its because i feel helpless, that i wish i could do more but i can't, and i feel lost and trapped with my energy and desire to help, imploding within me.
i am not drained, yet its all trapped inside, unharnessed, unused, and i feel just as worthless.

Why doesn't death claim us...?
That the physical death that God gives is the only thing that can ultimately free us from our misery.... We are not meant to enjoy this world.
If u asked me, i wouldn't mind dying today, now, or even tomorrow.... i can't wait.

But He said i shall not take any man's life, including my own, and i shan't. and i must wait patiently for his calling. and i'm waiting for my dear, each and everyday. and perhaps then shall he call me.

School has been busy and everyone's bogged down with work. I feel like quitting each and every single day too. I definitely feel i could study harder, i could really throw my entire life into my studies and really just do well. but i won't be happy..... i really don't really know if anyone feels happy studying, but maybe there are. I know you might feel i don't understand things and i make it sound easier than it seems.
and i might say,i understand, because only through failure was i able to encounter the joy in another type of success, and i found another lease of life. my grades may tumble, but i'm more fulfilled each and every single day. Words are so easy to say, it always has been.I do this though, without purpose of convincing you, but to convince myself, because i'm with you, and i feel and understand u. i struggle with you.

i'm not an 'A' student, not an 'A-' student, not even a 'B+' student.
well, i guess i'm really quite lousy, i do get the lowest marks in class sometimes.
i guess i've severly dampened everyone's expectations of me.
i guess i've let everyone down.
especially my father.
but those so close to me, support me, including my father.
to just be close to God.

I don't know what to do now.
I'm lost, just as directionless.
jumping off one of those hdb flats isn't hard.
so why not? you, God?
or is it just me.

"A man might live a meaningless existence till his death, so why not death come sooner?"
"With God, death never comes. Rather, we live in such meaningful existence, because of the life he has given us."

I do not die now because i live with meaning, and only when meaning ends, shall i finally pass away.

2007-02-24T03:45:00.000-08:00

yay! dave's internet was down and he didn't forget! =)
means so so much.

also thanks luke, and thanks joce for remembering (though late)

on another note.
people are just so hypocritical these days....
its all about criticising others, and never themselves.
what a revelation.
i'm not surprised.
maybe i'm guilty of it too.
oh well....
-shrugs-

2007-02-23T21:50:00.000-08:00

botanic gardens

2007-02-23T21:19:00.001-08:00

at e beach! happy birthday! to me =) thank you dear

2007-02-23T21:19:00.000-08:00

studying tgt

2007-02-23T21:17:00.000-08:00

valentines day.. =)

2007-02-23T21:15:00.001-08:00

valentines day prez =) for me...

2007-02-23T21:15:00.000-08:00

rose-ball! happy valentines day dear

2007-02-23T21:14:00.000-08:00

my 22nd Birthday

2007-02-23T19:43:00.000-08:00

my 22nd birthday =)
pictures will be up soon....

hmm.... well thank you all for your messages,calls.
Especially the following.
1. Sylvia, though it was according to Canadian timing! but nonethleess,, all e way from canada!
2. Reynard! though u forgot we were having mid-term break
3. Amelia, though i haven't really been hanging out with you for quite a while, and since u went HK!
4. Roohui, for messaging on the last minute of my birthday, i kinda felt it was just beginning
5. Jia jia, and Ko Sing!
6. Serine... only ex-Jc classmate to msg!
7. Acqua! Fred's message was funny!
8. Blue Van and Joel! =) thanks thanks thanks!
9. Jean's Cuzs!
10. Friendster Msgs from Jean Loo esp! haha its been so long since primary school.
11. Xiuqi! see u soon!!!
12. Wayne! my beloved DG leader in Campus Crusade.
13. Fred, my project director from Ethelonther
14. Ivan.
15. Jessica!! really means a lot! thank you!
16. Kings! 6 years =) its simply amazing! blessings from God =)
17. Tim! belated too, since u were at Phuket!
18. Poh! =) thanks thanks thanks!
19. YY the Evil? haha =) ya for the super nice Email! thanks so much!
20. Maner! all the way from UK... thanks so much to u and yy.. really such gd friends.
21. Yvonne! back from HK too.. nice of u to call.. though u got it wrong at first...
22. Janicia. ERM.... once again, my birthday not on 20th. haha

Notable Absentees this year....
DeborahF, Chia Joo, Dave, Woo, Winnie, Emmy sigh oh well
thanks for wishing me the other years =) just a birthday wish only

so okay wow =) thanks to everyone though, u've played a part somehow.

well... ya on to my actual birthday itself.
thanks to my dear, firstly not just for spending so much money....
but really spending so much time on it.... i can't say how much for sure, cos its so so much!
i really appreciate all your gifts, the time spent, the thoughts you went through.
i love you dear...

My birthday in detail...
12am 23rd Feb 2007.. i started receiving so many messages from acqua people
started wondering how come so many, half of which i dun even have the numbers in my phone. oh... haha =) found out my dear did it.. =p
10am. went to fetch her, went to ECP. took a few photos there, she gave me the two lovely presents plus the most special 3rd. 1st :heart keychains that need to be engraved, 2nd : the lovely photo/self-decorated scrapbook! love u!!!!! its so sweet 3rd : =)
11am. went to BFEC, gave her a tour, went to the sanctuary to pray...
12am went to vivo city, we ate lunch at white dog cafe which was okay....then we watched "just follow law", was looking for a picoZ but couldn't find it...
4pm. we went to botanic gardens, wanting to feed the swans, but they were at an inaccessible corner of the pond. so we ended up feeding turtles and fishes with bread i brought along, then the birds too! and a fish jumped out of the pond. but it started raining, just as we were walking looking at the flowers and almost got very wet.
512pm. we didn't erally know what to do then, so i brought herto IMM while she slept in e car cos she was so tired. we spend half an hour looking ard for one of the shops to engrave the keychains for us, but no chance there. we ended up eating at Hoshi Jap Restaurant. which i felt was really worth. we ate claypot, a katsu, and sushi!
8pm. didn't know where to go again, so we went to siglap park and stayed there and chatted a little .. really nice park =) really nice setting
10pm.. went for tea at siglap... before we went back at 12am.
thanks to my dear for such a day.... =) THE BESt BIRTHDAY i ever had!
but its the 1st of many.. i love her so.

and now for the photos =)

2007-02-21T07:14:00.000-08:00

Its been a while since i wrote.

Well, after writing my paper on "divorce", truly i appreciate my dear so much. and i appreciate God even more.
That in this realistic realm we call "singapore", where relationships are bound so thin,
and people float from their social boundaries to another as easily as a hot air balloon roam the skies. When relationships and marriages break down because people get together for practical reasons, and pragmatism reigns supreme, it is hard to find true love. And yet i've found it.

That God is so wonderfully magnificent, mystically carving out intricate plans for each and everyone of us. Priceless, yet only if you choose to relentlessly take up the cross and follow him.
And i feel like a testimony to that. That my dear is just one of the many blessings he has showered me with. That, even despite my inadequacies and shortcomings, i am still happy and perfect in his sight.

i love God. i love my dear. and i love my friends.

on a sidenote, i do hope all my friends are doing well; especially Sylvia who still is in Canada.

Everynight, if i dream of my darling,
i'll wake up with a smile.

Darling, i'm always with you. Always.
and i'll always love you.

True love i've found, true happiness i'm bound.
CNY passed so quickly for once, and i'm beginning to appreciate the festivity of it.
Visiting the same old places, yet realising many of them are not around anymore keeps me in silence. That it is a harsh reality that we only truly appreciate what we have, only when we don't have it. And that applies to people so fittingly. I feel sad that they've gone away, that things are not what it used to be, and the commotion has died down. A new generation has come, and the old has gone.... I've lost people i love like my grandpa and uncles. I've gained new people to love like my nephews and nieces. But yet i still sigh at each passing of the day, as i lose a little bit more of once i what was, and take in a little more of what is coming. When will i ever be complete? When will i be made whole?

True love never changes, and that will stay in me forever.
true love never changes, and it'll stay with you forever.
we are made complete in love.

2007-02-14T08:09:00.000-08:00

my dear,
i'm sorry i've caused stress.... i'm sorry i made u think abt work....
i'm sorry i made u think how tough and how much work u gonna have....
but on this day, our 1st Valentine's, truly i've received the best present ever.
you. with a ribbon =), and also all those messages in those bottles.
and truly, u make things wonderful and special, and i'll love u forever.
i'm always with you.. just remember that.
and i'll sacrifice everything and anything for you if i have to, without a single regret.
dear, i just want you to be happy, and i'll always be with you...
forever..

pls don't cry, dear.
because i'm with you,
and i'll cry those tears for you
and share those sorrows and stress.
and i'll share the joy i have with you
all just for your happiness.
thats all i ask for.
for your happiness.
not for me,
but for you.
DEAr, its all about you.
i love you.
i'll never be happy without your happiness
Happy Valentines Day Darling =)

2007-02-11T03:20:00.000-08:00

my 2007 birthday wish : have a happy family; with love included.

i just want to be with my dear.

just leave each other if u must, but i don't want to know anything. that all the riches in the world could never substitute what i long for.
i just pray and ask u both to stop hurting me. i'm hurt. and i didn't ask for it this way. but i'll continue praying. things this way only hurt me.
it doesn't just hurt u 2. it hurts me. i've a fragile heart. and i don't want to feel this way anymore. i can't handle everything with that in my head and heart. i can't show that strength much longer, and soon; i'll just crumble. i hope, i ask, i pray. but maybe its not enough to change the choices you both have made. if i could ask for one wish this birthday, it'd be for love. not even for me, but for you both. sometimes, i just want to run away.

2007-02-11T01:11:00.000-08:00

you know i used to wonder about myself.

family is very important.
and i'm tired.
i need more love around in my house.
i don't want to wake up like today
and keep thinking of what to do, and keep getting bothered by things.
i just want things to be straightforward for once, like a maths equation.

that, i'll contemplate so many different aspects and implications of something now.
i owe it to my parents.
that i'll have such a multitude of random thoughts and such vivid imagination, i owe it all to them.

maybe thats what makes the difference?
not just in studies, but in me.
that i don't have to wake up half the time thinking, but i could just live life as it always is....
without trouble.

trouble creates stress. especially when it means so much more to you.
increased stress compromises performance. a compromised performance results in less expectations, yet less expectation increases hope. and more hope leads to more disappointment, and more disappointment creates struggle, struggle creates trouble.
another chicken and egg scenario!

but i have God. we have God. =)
he cracks the egg open and asks u to come out and follow him.

2007-02-07T21:39:00.000-08:00

i've lost 1.2% of my mark for nothing!
desperately trying to get that out of my head....
it happens.

-sigh-

Valentines Day is coming up.

Love

2007-02-04T04:58:00.000-08:00

i'm rewriting this post.
its been a while.
i've reconsidered my thoughts before i write it down.
and here it is.

i'm not going to talk about myself, though this is my blog.
and i would really like to talk about myself, because i do need an outlet of thoughts so often.

rather, i'm going to talk about others. not in a critical way of course.

well, lets start with my grandparents.
i know they've shown me more love than i've ever shown them.
In my heart i really love them. Yet i don't know how to show it.
Its only when my grandpa left a few years ago, i remember every single detail of the love he'd shown me. and i've learnt to remember and cherish it.
you know whats the greatest things about grandparents? they shower a lot of love on their grandchildren, because they don't see the bad pts in them, but yet they cherish the good.

well parents now.
well parents are kind of different because they see the best and worst of you. they do love you, but they don't show it all the time. sometimes they're blinded by anger, or frustration. Perhaps as children, we'll only show them the love when we're old. reciprocated love, when we start to cherish their love when we realise we now lack it in our lives. i wouldn't say my family hasn't its fair share of troubles, and i do have to admit it has affected my life more than many could imagine. And people just don't know, and they don't see, and they'll never understand because family is unique. but your parents always love you. perhaps we don't truly love them enough.

Well, brothers and sisters.
They're very forgiving, they love u a lot too. But being on the same social standing, there's a sense of pride involved as they want to make your parents proud. so there's a little tinge of competitiveness too. but once u look past that, usually, its love underneath. and this love really bonds u, not just as family, but as friends as well. this love is something u can count on.

well the above group of people are really special. Why?
though a little bit of it has to come from biological links, but its wonderful Simply because they love you without any expectation of reciprocated love. that you might frustrate and anger each other at times. but u know that their love is pure, and they do it out of nothing, just out of the goodness of their own hearts. u know, thats why its so special. they're always there to show u love if u ever need it.

Well lets go on.
Well.. besties. best friends.
your best friend is the closest thing that comes to family.
the only difference is that, perhaps u both started out from somewhere, probably from an act of kindness, or persevered service.
with besties, trust needs to be gained. but since u're besties, usually the love begins to evolve into a sense of family, self-sacrificial love. perhaps not as majestic because in a way, the love had to be built up. but besties do go through a lot, and the love thats built up becomes very very strong. besties are like family. in fact, they are.

well other friends
other friends do love you, but perhaps it gets more sporadic. they still love you, but its not as sacrifical as one would like. Sometimes it depends a lot more on reciprocated love. if u don't reciprocate, as a friend, perhaps i'd show u a little less love.... but they do care, and they'll remember to love you from time to time.

acquaintances.
well we should love everyone, that we know, even our acquaintances.
but acquaintances perhaps don't really have much room in their hearts to truly love you. the love they'd show u probably doesn't mean that much, but it is still love nonetheless. love is there (for some, not all), but perhaps i wouldn't call it great love, if any. usually, acquaintances are around for other reasons..

just a note: you know, i'd believe if u really wanted to love everyone, everyone would have to be family in a sense. not acquaintances, not just friends, not just in the title sake, but real family... wholly trusting in them. truly would i say then, that u love them.

well next would have to be true love.
true love is special. while true love needs to be built up. true love starts off from a very "pure" love. its not perfect love, but it has to be pure. true love encompasses family love. and the basis of it, is just basically that "i love you" and nothing else. true love starts from love itself. it has everything in love, and is as limitless as love; and thus it needs to grow, becoming more perfect each time. there's no reason for true love. the only reason is love itself.

Lastly.
God's Love.
you know i can't explain this, because this is "love"
and this is where it all starts.

Readers, take strength in his love. grow in Him, revel in his love. its where it all starts.

2007-02-02T09:38:00.000-08:00

if God doesn't exist in your "heart", where does he exist?
if love does not come from ur "heart", where does it come from?
if faith is not yours, what faith is there?
its not about all the things you can do or say,
but really its what ur heart tells u within.

i love you.
i love you God.
and i love you dear,
i don't have to say it out cos u know it.
but i do because i really do, and i say it without a tinge of dishonesty in my heart, without an inkling of doubt, but with completeness.

2007-01-21T01:01:00.000-08:00

k.. a post.
waking up today has been nothing short of easy.
I've been a little bit too slack lately, and today, i realise how much work i have.
So its time to get into "focus on studies" mood....

Today, the topic of "i'm holier than you" just popped into my mind.
Its of course, something wrong. In essence, i mean the attitude that the statement brings.

After reading through my sociology text, my social work text, and my maths and MLE. I realised, its very hard to split your head into 2. Look into things from an "artistic" and "abstract" point of view, with the other half of your mind focused on facts, figures and formulas. Its so contradictory. i'm being torn apart. I always feel that one side is going to suffer at the expense of the other. I can't go brush up on my vocabulary simply because i don't have enough time to use new words that i learn; gasp i'm nowhere near, listen to the numerous "cheemology" terms others use. I have to practice all those formulas! *stress*

Anyway, Sociology has been nothing short of interesting. However, i'm not absorbing it very well. There's so much information, and you always wonder if you'll ever fit all of it inside that teeny-weeny little head of yours. Reminder : our brain capacities are limited. Social Work on the other hand, has been pretty much freeform, and the only things you really have to remember, are all the technicalities, the terms and all that. Lets not get to maths and the other sciences. Critical Thinking and writing has just been an english class where you feel the teacher is no better than you in the language, and its just a matter of perspective and opinion. Yet we must remind ourselves to remain humble. We are students after all.

Soon to be workers, but students for now. An engineering graduate who has a PHD in physics told me how he's shedding the tag of engineer. Its just too dangerous handling all kinds of sophisticated, dangerous, and highly toxic equipment and materials every single day. Can you just imagine the amount of chemicals you're going to breathe in every single second you're in the lab? Put your differential equations to work and figure that out? Its way too dangerous, and they're basically "paying you to kill you." Talk about sacrificial love. I quote, " Women have babies out of love and as a service to their country." Fallacious Analogies. Yet you see my point.
"A good engineer is a dead engineer!" (If you know where this comes from, yet i'm bounded legally to not say the other version) This is much more true. I'm not discouraging anyone to be an engineer. Its just a choice, so many people enter engineering as a profession because it pays well; me included. Why not choose God? He pays even better.

Today Prof Ernest Chew went over the 2 deaths 1 birth and 1 death 2 births comparison. Its cliched, its over-used. And then you remember. God pays you, not to die, but to live! Remove all inclinations of the prosperity gospel stepping onto your toes now, and look at it with an open-mindedness. Don't believe this because of what you get, but really because you do believe. There's just one answer and i don't have to tell you about it. I don't even have to show you it. Jesus shows himself to you, you just have to open your heart.

As I'll say to you, a muddled myriad of thoughts do not make a picture until they've been organised and pieced together like a puzzle. When the mosaic is complete, only can you make sense of what you've just thought and said. I'll continue to remove all the missing pieces from inside the box i keep in my bag (the word); and when its complete, this picture will speak much more to me, than i'll ever have the capacity to understand; yet all I need to know is God.

God is love.
i love you.

2007-01-19T05:13:00.000-08:00

you know i'll stand with you, forever.

always holding your hand.
ready to catch you, should you ever fall...

i'll be your support.
i'll be there, with you.

and i'll definitely help you along in anyway i can,
yet i ask the same of you.
that you help me change too.
to be more like Christ.

Jesus gave up his life, so we might have ours.

2007-01-17T16:22:00.000-08:00

i miss my sdp754b.
Ford Focus, 5Dr HB, 1.6L
DOB:011101
DOS:040107

2007-01-17T16:18:00.000-08:00

v is for the very, very extraordinary.

Love was made for you and me

2007-01-17T16:15:00.000-08:00

haven't blogged for a while. shall give my blog readers something to see.
introducing... my dearest. =) and me.

2007-01-14T00:42:00.000-08:00

i'm confused by certain people.
*i'm disappointed.

hmm...
they simply don't understand!

oh well =) i love you dear.

the first title in a long time.

2007-01-13T07:58:00.000-08:00

Questionable?

We draw lines in our lives, yet we must firmly be on God's side, and never standing on the line.
That we shall never let anyone question us, but always be a good testimony for God.
We shall set good examples for the younger ones to follow, and continue to teach them through being good disciples of the Lord.

Remember, always remember, to always focus on God.
He lives within us.
He is with us.

God, Jesus and The Holy Spirit.
The holy trinity.

I'll love you forever
only you.

2007-01-12T08:52:00.000-08:00

my vocabulary is lacking!

but, Form is Temporary, Class is Forever.

then again,

Pain is Temporary, Quitting is Forever.

oh.
but i personally think.

Suffering is Temporary, Having Salvation is Forever.

*matt is looking to improve himself.

good is temporary, better is forever. =)

2007-01-09T06:16:00.000-08:00

sigh...
today.
i just feel like
everything i do is wrong....
i've got nothing to say already
hope tomorrow comes quicker.

2007-01-06T15:32:00.000-08:00

in.. "la cantina in venezia"
its a special place. God made special arrangements.
Every smallest detail... =)

The moon was wonderfully fibonacci -patterned, the waiter absolutely perfectly polite , the view - "just so nice", and the food - i never knew crab and crust could taste so good.
and sparkling, twinkling right in front of me; e main event.
in an uniquely, spritely, amazing manner. i could just watch, and just ignore all that.

Thank God for you... that as intricately as he carved out this world, he made all of us, to be special always, in his sight. and u, in mine. and me, in yours.

"the greatest gift is the gift of love"

Stars shining bright above you
Night breezes seem to whisper "i love you"
Birds singin’ in the sycamore trees
Dream a little dream of me

2007-01-01T17:28:00.000-08:00

"The old has gone, the new has come"

2006 has passed... =)
It has been a really happy year... Thank God.
My Resolutions for last year have been accomplished,
I'm "A little closer to God each day."
coupled with a little surprise... a little miracle...

2007
My New Year Resolutions
To Love and To Cherish always. (God. You.)
To always remember how fortunate we are / how blessed we are to have everything we have.
To walk closer each and every single day. (God. You.)
To find a new ministry in church.
To grow more and be more involved in Campus Crusade.
To Share the Gospel more with my close friends, to bring them to know Christ.
To become more confident in Him.
To build on my relationships between me and my siblings.

i love you, always.
next year, and the year after... and so on....
it never ends.

w/ love, matt

*a small little note to say. many choices/decisions we make in our lives, but friendships should never change. because that trust should never be lost, and there's a reason behind every small thing that happens. that we'll always forgive each other for the mistakes made, yet cherish every moment that we've had. that's a true friend.

2006-12-30T16:39:00.000-08:00

something's been bugging me over the last few days but i've been waving it off.

*friends come in all shapes and sizes, and in different personalities and characters.
what makes you a better friend to me? -it always takes 2 hands to clap-
you're a friend all the same, we grow, only if we grow together.
but... =ouch=

=) *waves it off...

just a passing thought.

2006-12-30T03:27:00.000-08:00

i should say "sorry" to a few of my friends.. i've been so caught up with things....
but i'm happy, my friends, hope u are too.
if not, pls do tell me k!!

friends always stay together.

yours truly,
your friend.

*happiness i've found, and happiness i'll share...

Praise God Almighty, for His love.

2006-12-28T17:09:00.000-08:00

it always gets a little more amazing each time.

GAW 06 has ended
Being the bunny was fun, Kit was the tweety bird.
"I think i saw a pussycat"

GAW OC.
It really is a different setting. Being a Freshie, you don't really know what to expect.
I think, at the end of the day, i've throughly enjoyed it.
Whilst friendships weren't exactly very strongly forged.
Yet, it still is a blessing getting to know them. Having that same heart for the needy.
We've made a difference that will last forever.

Reminds me of my childhood a long time back.
I feel a little old.
Lost is my Penchant for mindless fun. For crazy laughter.
My enthusiasm for jumping up and down, or just shouting for nothing has disappeared.
A calm serenity takes over. A quiet silence.
Everything needs meaning these days.

"Growing Up"
It seems rare these days.

A teacher told me how there's a "computer culture" these days.
They're such big distractions.
Those computer games, that WOW, DOTa. Its all about violence isn't it.
Lost is the true culture of talking and meeting face to face and really just experiencing things together. You make friends over the internet these days.
People grow up and still see computer games as such a important part of their lives. They still play it every day, even as they reach middle-age, and perhaps even past that.
Even drinking has gone over the limits; Think "Coke" vs "Water", or beer.
I'm sorry friends, I've grown up....
Might not be the most successful person around, but i'm on my way to God.
Join me. =)

I'm old fashioned i think.
Neighbourhood lifestyle enthuses me,
Family and friends i need.
And i need some purpose in my life; which i have.

Warcraft?
Maybe if it were done with little boys running around with catapults and berries along the streets.

Meta Camp 06'
Can't place it but people just don't seem as "real" this time. I do like real. People should be true to who they really are, no masks, no shadows, no facades.
But yet i thank God for them, for they are people with a life devoted to God. They encourage, and build up many others.

2006-12-26T22:51:00.000-08:00

"You'd Think That People Would Have Had Enough Of Silly Love Songs.
But I Look Around Me And I See It Isn't So. "

Its been a busy few days...
Christmas Carolling with JSS
Acqua Outing to JB
Grant A Wish Stuff.

Results.
Well.. results. yeah.
Results. Full Stop.

Thank God For Jesus who sent his Son down on Christmas Day.

"We love because he first loved us"

"The Nazarene had come to live the life of every man
And he felt the fascinations of the stars
As he wandered through this weary world
He wandered and He wep
For there were so few who listened to hid heart

He Came, He saw, He surrendered All
So that we might be born again
And the fact of His humanity was there for all to see
For he was unlike any other man
But yet so much like me."

Thank God for you. For bringing you into my life.
i love you

2006-12-21T19:16:00.000-08:00

mistake after mistakes....
=when will it ever end=
stupid me...

"i'm feeling a little distant. "

"i'm feeling a little alone"

i'm oversensitive..
guess i'll continue thinking... looking inside me...
finding out.

"There is a longing, only you can fill
A raging tempest, only you can still
My soul is thirsty Lord, to know You as I'm known
Drink from the river, that flows before Your throne"

signing off...

"Loving you, Is more than just a dream come true...."

2006-12-19T20:59:00.000-08:00

=(....
=_(
=_( _
=_( _ _ _
its not enough....

its probably my fault somehow.
i'll really miss you.

2006-12-19T19:16:00.000-08:00

SDP754B
So many Memories....

2006-12-19T08:28:00.000-08:00

happy ko sing with her P-PLATE!

2006-12-19T08:20:00.000-08:00

its been such a day ...
Ko Sing passed her driving test today. =) really happy for her
my car broke down, might have a huge problem this time...
under the torrential downpour of the monsoon....
yet every moment is cherished
i dropped my driving license today.....
bad things happen.. =)
yet i can take strength from many other things.

my friends who patiently waited for me whilst my car was waiting to be towed.
you =), for so much more
God, for everything

miracles do happen, yes....
but there's so much more meaning when they don't.

pray, have faith, i'm okay =)

2006-12-15T17:23:00.000-08:00

Day 08th December 06 Saturday

2nd day of GAW.
and Results were out.. for an hour anyway.
didn't do too well..
what am i supposed to do?
some things are out of my control...
i just did what i could... i still got what i got. Thank God.
think a lot of people around me did so much better... thank God again.
and they tell me the same thing my jc classmates used to tell me when i was struggling.
"just try harder..." everyone's so good at studying now.
heh. one big "HEH" for you guys.... *shakes head*
it could be the passion in what i'm studying that is lacking so much.. maybe that hinders me.
somehow, academics have fallen out of my life... don't understand why.
i used to be good at it.. well, a long time ago in primary school...
now.. *laughs at myself*
it doesn't really matter i guess, i just keep trying.
"the day i give up is the day i've failed... "

don't know if i'm happy.. or really troubled, and even so; by what.
had a really uneasy night yesterday.....
think i didn't sleep much.. it was bad dream after bad dream after bad dream...
had to pray to go and sleep..
prayer does work wonders... =)

i hope i don't disappoint anyone...
esp you..
if i had one wish, it'd be that i'd be a little more perfect for you.
come back soon k... i miss you.

2006-12-15T02:42:00.000-08:00

Day 07 15th December 06 Friday

Also known as GAW 06 External Drive Day 1
And i'm not manning any booth! i'm manning my house. Been putting myself to good use and answering phone calls of all the donors though!
So today, "wish cell" people will be staying over at my house... We'll be counting gifts.
Apparently, i'm not the only one that feels what i feel about GAW....
In fact, i think.. there's differing perspectives up there... among the upper tier.
which explains a lot... why i'm feeling this way too!
the after effects of what goes up among the higher echelons of our GAW Command Structure.
it all just filters down somehow.
haha.. oh well =) we're all grown up now, we can work together even despite differing views.
Just need everyone to grow up so we don't have all this cropping up again.

On another note,
I think i seem kind of happy...
=)
Well.. thats because its Day 07 already!
And well... Day 09 is reaching.. and i'm looking forward to that day so much.....
i'm getting excited, like a little kid.....
i'm smiling more and more each day...
time seems to be passing faster...

If i could metaphorise it....

Its like a tunnel, at the start of your tunnel, in darkness, u see the little light at the end of the tunnel.. It seems so far away... As you near the end of the tunnel, the light gets so much brighter, and bigger... and you feel its so reachable. And soon you'll be out of the darkness again.... basking in the warm sunlight... =) i do miss the sunlight so much...

Coming to the end of Day 07.....
Its almost Day 08!
*j-o-y and its down in my heart... deep deep down in my heart*

"When the sun's shining down on me
When the world's "all as it should be"
Blessed be Your name

Every blessing Your pour out
I'll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in Lord
Still I will say..

Blesed be the name of the Lord"

Pray without ceasing.- 1 Thessalonians 5:17

2006-12-14T06:52:00.000-08:00

Day 06 14th December 06 Thursday

GAW is giving me a headache
My EV course is giving me a headache too....

GAW is just too time-consuming... we do so much background work, and so little comm service, it kinda bugs me.
MY EV Course is just too unpredictable, things keep changing, i don't really know what i need to study anymore.... i have PC1432?! haha.. *faints

and my timetable is practically 10-6pm again!
guess i'm just as busy as everyone else.. going to be even tougher than last semester.

sigh okay... i don't even know what to take next sem.
too much trouble to go change class to D07 again, so shall just happily switch tutorial groups on my own.
why is uni so much trouble?
Its so hard to do what you want to do, cos some combinations just don't work out either...
its kinda depressing, just stressing over all these unimportant issues.

okay GAW starts tomorrow.....
wherever you are, i'll be right there with you.
with you, all the time.. and patiently missing you...

2006-12-13T00:32:00.000-08:00

Day 05 13th December 06 Wednesday

Today..
been a meaningful day, did up the front of the photo album.. =)
i'm quite happy with it... hope you like it too...

i watched "the omen" the original version.
Really sinister... yet it didn't have e devilish charms lingering around it like "the exorcist" did.
Rather, it seemed interesting... especially the part about the anti-trinity....
satan himself, the false prophet and the anti-christ.
I like God, Jesus and the Holy Ghost much better, thank you.
It just reminds you how we're in such a battle between good and evil all the time.
Which side do u stand on?
That there are truly apostates of the devil in our midst, is really quite a spine-chilling prospect.
We have nothing to fear though, the light always pierces through the darkness...
i'm on God's side, all dressed up in his armour.

having soccer later...
not many of us, so many of them are away, some have found new soccer buddies.

another day has passed....
every single day, i'll wonder how you are.. if you're fine, whether you're feeling well, whether you're having fun. just brings a smile =)
it distracts me from a whole load of other things like "grant a wish", work and all that....
but it makes me happier, and it always encourages me to do everything a little better...

just waiting, just patiently waiting.
in between, a prayer for tim.. cheer up k.

soccer is over, and soccer was good. i stubbed my toe!
ouch. well but a little bit of sacrifice to make a few saving tackles was well worth it.
for the love of the game.
anyway, we were so tired, we came to the conclusion "we're getting old"
over dinner, we ate at this coffee shop version of Carl's Jnr called Botak Jones, now i know where it is, its ex, and its way too much for anyone to finish, esp if you order the double.
so what do guys end up talking about? its quite funny... well what they all said.
haha but well... i think i kept quite silent most of the time.
just silently thinking of you. i like it that way. =) miss you.

2006-12-11T21:26:00.000-08:00

Day 04 12th December 06 Tuesday

I just opened my mailbox.... =)
received 2 christmas cards, and a letter.... i'm really touched....
i really got nothing to say... i'm very very happy...
its the most meaningful thing i've gotton in a long long time..

in school now.... later got briefing.
later going to watch "deja vu" with winnie, ko sing and jia jia...
can't wait...
really miss you.... there's no one else that means as much to me as u do.

well its all over now... its been quite a day for me....
GAW briefing went well.. the powerpt was really put to the test, and underwent so many changes. Deja Vu was okay... didn't really spend a lot of quality time with them though, think they talked about almost everything by the time i got there.. but they really enjoyed Kushinbo so i'm quite happy about that..! they didn't eat much though.. pity. especially the sushi!
well we eat to live, not live to eat....
had a few troubling thoughts on the way home.
sometimes i just wish u were here so i could tell u all about it....
i love you... come back soon =) u're the only person i can fully trust with every single thought.
its okay though, know i'm never alone. God always works things out =)
it seems that ching yet has made it his personal task to bring me up into my purpose. He personally keeps track of me each and every week. i'm truly touched. i believe its going to make a difference in my life. its amazing... it really is.

I love God
hope you're having fun! and that u're well.....

2006-12-10T22:19:00.000-08:00

Day 03 11th December 06

Its been a short and straightforward day so far....
been watching movies... there's this chinese one called the "sound of colours"
and its really sweet... Been doing my grant a wish stuff as well...
Parents coming back later in the afternoon... guess i can't really wait to see them return.
Going out w/ Winnie, Ko Sing, Jia Jia tomorrow to watch Deja Vu! they're gonna eat kushinbo..
yums... but i got briefing tomorrow so i can't make it for lunch.
today.... i just had 2 passing thoughts...
1 is "you just don't understand" 2nd one is "Why do we close our eyes?"
Know it doesn't really make sense to any of you, except me... well they are very very specific thoughts.... =) but its no big deal either. Thoughts are thoughts, they might be meaningful one day.
Quite happy with my GAW Briefing Slides... think its much nicer that the first one i did for internal drive... Spent more effort into this one too, i guess. All the changes bug me though, but i know everyone just wants to make it better... Yet in so many cases, people's viewpoints are usually their own. i realise how many people misinterpret things... or they assume, or well... they just look at it their own way.. and thus my first thought, to the "common" (general) person (and to me too)... "you just don't understand."
My second thought perhaps... just really was more of a question that was answered.
"Why do we close our eyes?" Because we want to fully experience the pleasure of things...
And i just tell myself... that even now, i'm closing my eyes... just thinking of you... its wonderful, it brings a smile to my face.... hope you're enjoying yourself =) i miss you.

God answers prayers. He's always there, and its nice to be able to tell myself to just let go... that even if i fail in so many other people's eyes, in his eyes, as long as i take up the cross and follow Him, living according to his ways and his will... he'll make it all work out. I'll do my best for Him each time. God loves us.. much more than we can even imagine.

And "Air Bud wins again" Why do these shows always tug at our heart-strings?
inside all of us, love is indeed more important.

2006-12-09T21:11:00.000-08:00

Day 02 10th December 06 Sunday

Today, woke up....
things went pretty fast.... its already 1pm.. sitting here in church blogging.
the same things fill my mind all day....
church was good.. JSS... i was the only teacher around at the start, and the teacher supposed to prepare worship didn't prepare it...
i had to come up with one on the spot. =( think it was so rush... the children seemed quite sleepy... but well, with God's presence... i think i was pretty proud of how they sang, some of them really sang their hearts out, despite not having the piano music at times.
class was great though, and erica prayed and thanked God for such a fun lesson. I think they really learnt a lot today, about Nehemiah. Thank God...
Waiting in church now... just missing you.
Thinking of what you're doing, hoping you're having lots of fun...
Carolling was okay. Had this little boy with a little bit of attitude, and he spoilt most of our moods. Sigh, its sad when they just see the world revolving around them, and have no concern for anyone else. Its sad. it really is.
Have a wedding dinner later, with my sis. So, will reach home really late....
Just praying for you... hope you're well =)
God is with us.. he'll carry us through...

"the prodigal son has returned? =) pleased to hear that.. "

2006-12-09T05:17:00.000-08:00

Day 01 09th Decemeber 2006

i miss you.
just wish you're around! sent u a msg though i know u weren't there.
but you'll see it when you return... it just seems right to message you when i'm thinking about something. u're always there =)
well... i went to meet my church people for dinner... it was quite nice. cosy little pot-luckish dinner at someone's house... kept thinking of you on the plane though.. wondering how you were doing.
going to be quite busy with GAW stuff this week... feels good that i'm doing something for the less wealthy. we should always do our part in terms of giving, and helping.
its quite late already, feel like sleeping early these days, have a long day tomorrow.
church! i'm doing lesson, after that there's carolling practice. have a break in between before wedding dinner.. its Aunt Betty's son's wedding. (She's from Sheares Hall, an ol time family friend of almost 10 years. She's still there. And i'm going because she's been an angel to all of us. I remember her giving me a rabbit. =) ). Then by the time i'm home, guess its almost time to pray and sleep.
Know that i'm with you, and you're with me, no matter where we are... and Somehow i can feel it.... an assurance that quietly settles in..... =) but yet... i still miss you so much... and that won't change... but we'll continue to grow through every little/big experience we have...

2006-12-08T06:56:00.000-08:00

so well, that was ubin =)
and those are my classmates and friends.

=) God, i'm so thankful for them.

2006-12-08T06:55:00.000-08:00

bye ubin!

2006-12-08T06:54:00.000-08:00

ubin seafood part 2.

2006-12-08T06:53:00.000-08:00

ubin seafood part 1. coconuts costs $1.50

wee and me... bye wee!

2006-12-08T06:51:00.000-08:00

welcome to ubin 06.

2006-12-08T06:50:00.000-08:00

thats winnie and ko sing!

2006-12-08T06:47:00.000-08:00

Jia jia, ko sing, patryce, me and winnie thats taking the pic!

2006-12-08T06:14:00.000-08:00

well.. feel like writing about these wonderful friends here...
lets start with winnie who is taking the picture. (and thus not inside)

winnie
winnie the pooh bear and her super super "hyper" and bubbly nature.
she's actually really friendly... really nice, despite her grouses (haha) ,
but ya, once u get used to her "high" expectations, she's really such a wonderful friend too...
somehow i think she doesn't open up that easily.. but the more of her (the nei4 zai4 mei3 part) you see.... you really see a lot of positives! she's really funny, and well.. tonnes of fun. she's the life of the conversation!

jia jia
jia jia is like one of the nicest, and most loyal girls i think u would ever find. really someone that probably never ever thinks about herself. really.. can testify to that. she's absolutely wonderful.. she's extremely down to earth.... but yet she's e sparkles of many sparkles. she'll always be there for you... u'd really appreciate someone like her.

ko sing
ko sing is a friend that will give u the best advice ever, she's really sensible. its kinda amazing how i got to be friends with her, and got to know her better, and become her best guy friend (buddy), even despite me not being able to speak chinese very well. she's a friend that dotes on you. i'd dote on her too... she really appreciates her friends around her. well i really appreciate her too, cos she won't ever forget what friendship means .... she's really forgiving and understanding. even when we don't deserve it.

patryce
patryce. well... she's way blur. takes time to open up to guys especially, but, she's adorable.
haha i personally would say she's like a penguin. she waddles around from place to place. oblivious to the surroundings at times. i'm not that close to her yet cos she doesn't tell me much! but its a start! hope she opens up more cos, she's really nice too.

these friends will last a really long time.
i know perhaps i don't fit in totally, cos they're all girls, cos they speak more chinese than me, and maybe a lot of other reasons. but.. they're e best friends ever.. they make being yourself , so easy. i really can't say i've ever appreciated a group of friends more than them... despite all our differences, everything is just so nice.

ubin 2006 =) such wonderful times, what a wonderful group of friends i have... really tearing... so thankful. so happy.

2006-12-08T06:13:00.000-08:00

motorshow 2006... cute car... so retro... =) pleasantville anyone

2006-12-08T06:11:00.000-08:00

2006-12-08T05:59:00.000-08:00

hmm.. just feel like writing =)
its been a really nice day, been letting myself go a little, get a little carried away.
now though, guess i really miss the company....
its like... when u have it, u don't truly realise u have it until u don't have it.
but am i thankful....

really God loves in so many ways.
think i'm getting a tiny weeny little bit selfish at times.
trying very hard to curb that. =)
u must get carried away with the right things, and not the wrong things

think its going to be a really long week for me
don't really know what i'm gonna do.....
guess i'll use it as a time for self-reflection, to look back at the past year and account for what i've done.
and perhaps re-establish my new year resolutions... its been really wonderful each time i do it.
duno why i'm truly feeling a little lonely right now... its not even time yet.
think my mind is wandering again...

well... ubin photos =) guess that'll take my mind of stuff for a while.

2006-12-06T08:24:00.000-08:00

"its a happy day, and i thank God for the weather"
The moon was really round today, and there were glimpses of stars.

Acqua outing was good, was so nice to see Ryan especially; after so long.
It was nice to talk to Jie Ren too... seems that though its been so long, we haven't lose any of that natural chemistry.. think he's a great conversationalist, someone thats really sincere. appreciate that.

e highlight was you though. it always is.

2006-12-05T11:03:00.000-08:00

its a special day.
in a very special way.
six thousand, one hundred and twenty-six.

2006-12-04T07:06:00.000-08:00

smiles....
me and my sad smiles.

2006-12-04T06:33:00.000-08:00

its a really really fun day.. =)
my friend likes my new friends.. really....
he told me how nice they are, how wonderful they are, after just one day =)
and i feel so happy, feel so blessed.... i don't deserve such good things in my life
really... God is wonderful....

i realise i can't sing chinese songs for nuts... i don't know why...
okay well i got this hunch why.. =(
well its okay, i make a lot of mistakes i know.....
haha i can't even read the entire lyrics of any chinese song ....
i just can't sing like them.... -respect-
well jia jia is really such a good singer. i'm in awe..
God. really. thank you. for all these wonderful people in my life.
i hope i never let them down.
i hope i never let you down either.

sometimes differences don't split you apart, but they bring you together.
=)

2006-12-03T18:44:00.000-08:00

=) its so nice to wake up after a dream...
its so nice to just wake up thinking of you.

today, went to fix my car...
my back left brake bulb had burst!
my engine oil, my auto transmission fluid was pretty off-colour,
my tyres were worn...
every single day, i learn a little bit more about my car,
and every single day i grow a little bit more sensitive to my car.
talk about sentiments... =) people lose their dog and feel sad.
i'm gonna lose my car and feel sad.. its been through thick and thin with me
i feel it has been such a give and take relationship... and it seems to cry when it feels sad.
my car has feelings! lots of it...
when its feeling cold, it vibrates, when its tired, its brakes creak,
when its sick, it coughs, when its happy, its symphonic,
when its sad... its purrs.....

i don't dream about my car though..
dreams are specially for you...

2006-12-02T06:39:00.000-08:00

exams are over!!

=) i am smiling so brightly right now...
finally.... after 6 months of working, i finally have a month of break.
its called... "relief"

and all the plans we have in store!
i'm so looking forward....

int main(void)
{
for (days = 0; days < 7; days++)
study hard;
if(exams over)
thank god;

return books;
}

2006-12-01T05:41:00.000-08:00

this will be an entry dedicated to you...

to you, whom i give my heart to...

you, who have been in my dreams...

the wish i've always wished for...

the miracle in my life =)

i can't say how important you are to me.
i can't say i won't miss u today.
but i'll love you forever,
treat u well forever,
and bring you happiness,
and everything i have, i give to you.

i want to live my life with you and with God..
together, in true love, and true happiness....

i want to do all i can for you, be there whenever u need me,
know u better than u know urself, love u more than anyone could.
i want the world to know i've found u... =)

u've been such a blessing to me....
a dream come true, people always say they can never find the one of their dreams,
but i have. and i'm so thankful.
love truly comes from God, just like you have.
i commit everything to God, for everything is from Him.
and in faith, hope and love.. we'll walk the walk together,
continually growing, living the plan he has set for us.

its not about me... =) its about God.
and now, my life is about you as well, dear.

cheer up, dear. cos i'll always be with you.
have strength, have faith
You. Me. God. =)
together, we'll make a difference, together we'll make it work.

in love =)

2006-12-01T01:07:00.000-08:00

this exams... i've been really really careless for every paper, making mistakes along the way i could have avoided.
i could say there wasn't enough time, thus i did faster than a pace i'm comfortable at,
and made all the little mistakes..
oh well, no pt crying over spilt milk... cos u just have to clean up the mess and move on.
i shall try to be more careful for my last paper which really needs me to be.
=)
everyone strive on... =)

2006-11-30T20:07:00.000-08:00

1 john 4:7-8
"Let us love one another, for love comes from God... Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love... And He has given us this command: Whoever loves God must also love his brother."

1 John 2:9 "Anyone who claims to be in the light but hates his brother is still in darkness"

1 John 2:5-6 "This is how we know we are in Him, Whoever claims to live in him must walk as Jesus did"

1 John 3:23 "Believe in the name of his Son, Jesus Christ, and to love one another as He commanded us."

Philippians 2:3-5
"Do nothing out of selfish ambition or in vain conceit. But in humilty, consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus."

Ecclesiastes 4:9-12
"Two are better than one, Because they have a good reward for their labour.
For if they fall, one will lift up his companion.
But woe to him who is alone when he falls.
For he has no one to help him up
Again, if two lie down together, they will keep warm.
But how can one be warm alone?
Though one may be overpowered by another, two can withstand him.
And a threefold cord is not quickly broken"

1 Corinthians 13:13
"And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love."

"plan-etary magic... truly, a miracle... God makes it happen" =)

2006-11-28T21:24:00.000-08:00

*ouch* this last paper really didn't go well at all.

lets prop up e 2 corners of my mouth today =)
tell myself i'm happy...
because i am =) no regrets, i tried my best.
somethings are beyond my control =)
things will work out....

just knowing you're there for me,
is more than everything to me.

2006-11-28T01:53:00.000-08:00

"Children sleeping, snow is softly falling
Dreams are calling like bells in the distance
We were dreamers not so long ago
But one by one we all had to grow up
When it seems the magic's slipped away
We find it all again on Christmas day"

Christmas....

2006-11-28T01:28:00.000-08:00

hmm.. =) econs just ended.

i'm supposed to be studying chemistry right now.
i guess, i just wanted to say how time has passed so fast....
that really, before i knew it .. i'm here, in my room, supposed to be studying chemistry....
its been a while ...

i listen to my first song ever since the exams started.

"Wonderful merciful Savior
Precious redeemer and friend
Who would have thought that a lamb could
Rescue the souls of men."

i feel like i've come so far, been through so much.
and i know i wouldn't have been here without Him.
somehow among all the poems i've ever tried to write,
not one ever comes close to this....

"So many memories and so many miles
The road that stretches behind us
We've had some laughter and our share
Of tears
But all these moments unite us"

"So in the valley walk on
Dont have to face it alone
Cause in the hard times
We keep growing strong
As we learn, as we live
That we live when we give"

in gratitude...
i offer my life

2006-11-25T07:01:00.000-08:00

i feel inspired... to write some poetic euphony.

by a friend, so far away.

perhaps my dreams have soured,
or my little light grow dim.
and i've felt the rigours of the fast-paced rhythmic
lifestyle here, just drain me thin..

it seems so dreamy,
that picture taken many miles away.
that acrimonious mockery,
for me, i see, i pray.

dance away like the blue daffodils,
as they sing the tune of laissez faire
flouting the natural order,
of our democratic distress

so cry me a river,
for i'm living a life without zeal,
a dream of sightlessness,
an animus lost, to heal.

grass is never vendurous here,
where home is shackled shut,
where free reign is a casualty,
our fatous insanity.

i might have thrown the game away,
lost my pompous stance,
but i, follow my dream,
my faith in him, enhanced.

so sing to me, a lullaby
disregard my woes,
the dearth of utopian philosophy,
and that celestial provision of hope.

fathom, recognize that elusive prize,
its within our reach to fraternize,
one day our extrication arrives,
a promise, from above, realized.

love, has such sovereignty
with God our only hegemony,
life is, but such a mystery,
our plan, our own symphony.

-an original by matt, inspired by a friend.
=) one day...
we'll live our dream, my dear friends.

2006-11-25T05:00:00.000-08:00

PSLE.
i remember those days....

i think i need to be a better friend, have been neglecting some people that could do with the company. and that means u, luke!!

all e best for exams!!
those jss kids are mocking me! just cos they've finished exams.
can't believe it.
imagine them shivering in their socks during the psle results release...
just kidding, they're all really smart, and well..all did quite well...
HAhaHa. ya. one generation precedes the next.

quote of the day : "remember to thank God!"

"good guys finish last. they just watch out for everyone ahead of them. "

now that is being a light in this world.

"Fools mock at sin, But among the upright there is favour" Proverbs 14:9

exam blues...

two blue pens, a pencil and an eraser,
scribble, rub, and "where's my ruler?"
i feel like a running tap,
and my calculator's faulty!

a, a, c, b, d,
and a fifty-fifty.
okay! tikam,
time's running short!

"put your pencils down,
thats it, i've lost it.
one wrong, two wrong,
and oh that might be correct!

go sit in the corner,
cos u've just sealed ur fate,
i'm thanking God.
exam's been great =)

2006-11-25T01:12:00.000-08:00

EG exam just passed...
hmm thats 1 down, 5 to go.
got a pleasant reminder today....
i kinda feel unworthy, i feel kinda lousy that i just want to reach my own expectations
that i want to be good at being me cos i want to be good.. so wrong.
i guess, i really wish i had nothing at all, then i could tell myself, that everything i have, comes from God.
and everything does come from him, and i must continually remind myself that i have nothing at all.
i feel so human, so imperfect, aware of all my inadequacies, but its only by being aware of all that, that i can truly become a better child of God.

"God knows how thankful i am, for you.
i really would tell u, how i'm really nothing compared to u... or anyone.
and everything i have, i thank God, and give back to God.
deep down, i know i'm nothing......
i'm just happy that i have God's love"

i think i'm getting happier feeling lousy about myself, than i ever would feeling good about myself...Somewhere, God has a part to play in that.
i look at all my friends and family around me... and i can tell you... how wonderful you all are.
i need you more than u'd ever need me.

2006-11-21T19:12:00.000-08:00

a cliche but it still works.

"just try your best, and leave God to do the rest!"

2006-11-21T03:03:00.000-08:00

not a good day! can't concentrate on anything!
shall go rest more and do more tomorrow!

2006-11-19T05:13:00.000-08:00

my exam dates (AKA my prayer list for the exams)

25th November 2006 EG1108 Electrical Engineering
1. Pray that i won't get confused by concepts i'm not sure about.
2. I tend to panic, pray for steadiness
3. Pray for meticulous derivation of the different circuits
4. Pray that i can remember all my formulas.

27th November 2006 MA1505 Mathematics
1. Pray that i can tell what the question is asking for
2. Pray that i'll be confident when writing down answers.
3. Pray that i'll be able to see the way to get to the solution.
4. Pray that i will not be complacent nor careless.
5. Pray for my friends taking this exam too.

28th November 2006 EC1301 Principles of Economics
1. Pray that i can remember my facts and concepts
2. Pray that i will not be caught in 2 minds (caught between 2 answers) like the last time.
3. Pray that i'll be steady and sure.

29th November 2006 CM1502 Chemical Engineering and Principles
1. Pray that i can grasp all my concepts and learn how to apply them.
2. Pray that i know what i'm learning, and that i won't get frustrated.
3. Pray for speed during the test, its usually quite rush.

1st December 2006 PC1431 Physics I
1. Pray that i can master my physics tecniques, integration, deriving forces, etc.
2. Pray that i can fully understand dynamic rotation of rigid bodies and learn how to apply them.
3. Pray that i won't be careless while deriving forces.
4. Pray that i can remember my formulas too.

2nd December 2006 CS1101C Programming in C
1. Pray that i'll be able to see all their sneaky tricks they use during their exams.
2. Pray that i'll understand how to use my structures properly
3. Pray that i won't be complacent.
4. Pray that i'll be steady.

Pray for my friends during their exams. =)
For all the same things that i've prayed for myself.
Pray that i won't forget to pray for my friends.
I also pray for my non-christian friends too....
I pray that they might see God's glory during this period of time.

and matt *presents* his exam timetable! aka prayer list for the next 2 weeks.

I also need to add that to pray for satisfaction and appreciation from myself.
To be happy for whatever i have, and not for whatever i want to get.

2006-11-19T04:54:00.000-08:00

don't stress everyone!
my sister really helps to destress me.
she hardly studied through her entire nus life, and she got 2nd class upper!
just missing first class honours by a little bit.
her lowest grade ever was a B+... now just look at me.
working so hard, trying to figure out all the many formulas and concepts
yet still... as hard as i work, so much worse!
haha... =)
so don't stress everyone...
grades aren't important.. just try your best...
i can truly say, i'd rather give all my money to you if you were my best friend,
yet achieved nothing....
simply, because you deserve it
because you've been there for me when i didn't care for you.
and u've brought me through to what i've achieved.
we owe everything to God, simply because of this.
i hardly studied today.....
=( but i still feel fulfilled.

"What does it take to be the best?"
"The best is yet to be, because the best is best at where he's at. "
A whole new meaning to the ACS slogan.
and thats respect, from a Rafflesian.

i think God slowed me down today,
because i've learnt so much more.
not a formula for surface integrals,
but a concept for life.

=) strive on people..
its 2 weeks more =)!
we'll have fun then
i miss a lot of you....
i really do... =(

"i think i owe everyone a huge sorry..."

2006-11-19T02:15:00.000-08:00

i wrote an entire post
and it got rubbed away accidentally =(

well... i just was thanking God for my friends in church
really.. such a blessing,
i'm kinda alone at times in my JSS ministry, but they still
always bother about me =) its heart warming
sometimes, i do feel i push them to one side when things start to get busy.
i sadden myself when i do that, at the end of the day...
i might say "i wish i spent more time with them"
but i don't want to say that next time....

i thank God for my sis, its nice meeting her after so long.
its my dad's birthday celebrations today.
somehow, being in engineering is such a struggle.
but... God will help us soar... we will finish the race because of Him.
and we will run the race together.

i feel that i've grown up in such an unconventional manner, compared to everyone else.
i think that through it all, God has impressed upon me one thing.

That through everything, he has been with me.
He has been there every single second of my life, guiding my life as it has gone by.
and i know that as i stand on the mountain, looking at the source of my birth,
i can truly say... my river meanders, but it has never stopped.
it winds, but it still reaches the sea....
the floods and the sun comes, but everything is timed to perfection....
and i am protected from all the harsh realities i could have suffered from.
and i have come out unscathed.

I hope my JSS kids see the purpose of 6 years of JSS...
truly as they go on in their lives, one day they'll look back and realise how every single small thing has played a part in who they are.

they've learned the faith
they've been shown the values
as they graduate ...
i hope they walk with God.
k i'm rushing
time is short and things are hectic!
Love ya.. =)

2006-11-15T07:28:00.000-08:00

msn is down! oh well my msn is down =)
hmm
i'm struggling with selfish ambition now....
hmmm... but i'm trying very hard to change that.....
yup but things are gd =)
things are going well... glad that people around me are happy.. or happier anyway
glad that i have friends that just remember me from time to time

exams.
hmm...*ponders

today.
prac exam.

int main(void)
{
void sleep(char matt, void bed, int no_of_pillows);

if (matt == good programmer)
programcompiles;
else
{
programdoesnotcompile;
printf("Error. \n");
matt goes to sleep early;
sleep(matt, bed, 2);
}

return 0;
}

oh eg lab results are out. did quite well.
9.5/10, 9.5/10, 8.5/10
evens out my mid term marks.
hmm... ya oh well results.... must try to look past them.
there's more important things to do than to strive to be the smartest person around.

"Averyrandompostbyme"
My head is buzzing with formulas and concepts.

2006-11-11T22:31:00.000-08:00

thought i just spend a little time to write a little..
everyone's studying right now... me too.
well... a good break is always a good thing.
kinda have to say sorry to so many friends,
that i haven't had enough time for all of them
birthday presents are late, i've been Mia-ing for quite a while
well but i'm still around!! haven't forgotton about anyone or anything.
guess studying is such a "race...." to do the best we can...
everyone's stressed and worried about results, me included.
well today i shared this with the JSS kids.

Philippians 2
"Therefore if there is any consolation in christ, if any comfort of love, if any fellowship of the Spirit, if any affection and mercy, fulfill my joy by being like-minded, having the same love, being of one accord, of one mind.
Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind, let each esteem others better than himself. Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others."

Though it was taken out of my context, my sharing...
i think it means so much to just anyone out there.
it is God's word... spoken through Paul....
oh well... back to studying i guess...
i look and i see numbers and more numbers and more numberS!!!!!!

2006-11-10T17:00:00.000-08:00

ninety one thousand, one hundred and six.

2006-11-07T20:20:00.000-08:00

There's 2 things i know for sure
she was sent here from heaven
and she's daddy's little girl
As i drop to my knees by her bed at night
She talks to Jesus and i close my eyes and
I thank God for all the joy in my life
Oh, but more of all
For butterfly kisses after bedtime prayer;
sticking little white flowers all up in her
hair, "Walk beside the pony, Daddy, its my first ride"
"I know the cake looks funny, Daddy, but i sure tried"
In all that i've done wrong i know i must
have done something right to deserve a hug
every morning and butterfly kisses at night

Sweet 16 today
She's looking like her mama a little more everyday
One part woman, the other part girl
To perfume and make up from ribbons and curls
Trying her wings out in a great big world

But i remember
Butterfly kisses after bedtime prayer, sticking
little white flowers all up in her hair.
"You know how much i love you, Daddy, But if you
don't mind i'm only gonna kiss you on the cheek this time"
With all that I've done wrong i must have done
something right to deserve her love every morning
and butterfly kisses at night

All the precious time
like the wind, the years gho by.
Precious butterfly
Spread your wings and fly

She'll change her name today
She'll make a promise and I'll give her away
Standing in the bride-room just staring at her
She asked me what i'm thinking and I said " i'm not
sure - I just feel like I'm losing my baby girl"
She leaned over.. gave me butterfly kisses with her mama there.
Sticking little white flowers all up in her hair.
"Walk me down the aisle, daddy- its just about time"
"does my wedding gown look pretty, Daddy? Daddy , don't cry!"

Oh, with all that I've done wrong i must have
sone something right
to deserve your love every morning
and butterfly kisses - I couldn't ask God for more, man this is what love is

I know i gotta let her go, but i'll always remember
every hug in the morning and butterfly kisses

2006-11-07T20:15:00.000-08:00

I waited for You, today
But u didn't show, no no, no...
I needed you, today
So where did you go?
You told me to call
Said you'd be there
And though i haven't seen you
Are you still here ?

I cry out with no reply
and i can't feel you by my side
So i'll hold tight to what i know
you're here and i'm never alone

And though i cannot see you
and i can't explain why
Such a deep, deep reassurance
You've placed in my life
We cannot separate
Cause' you're part of me
and though you're invisible
i'll trust the unseen

i cry out with no reply
and i can't feel you by my side
so i'll hold tight to what i know
you're here and i'm never alone